Expectations stress me out

[Suzanne]

I know.

You must be this way or that way etc.

I am afraid I am "digging" my heels in now and well this is a no no in the NT world.

Just yesterday, a my sister contacted me and said that it is one of my niece's birth date Thursday. In the past, had very limited contact, but things have changed.

Anyway, my husband and I do not acknowledge birthdays.

I did something that rarely happens. Got in touch with my niece and reassured her of our affections, despite no birthday wishes.

Rather taken back when she responded in an excellent way. Thanked me for the respect.

I have to be reminded to send greetings and in truth, annoys me.

I am very feminine in my clothes and although I do have some trousers, do not feel comfortable in them.

We all have to conform in some areas though, so I try my best.

 

[Progster]

I think you need to separate these things on your list into two categories: expectations, and obligations/responsibilities, because expectations are not always obligations.

Things like being at an appointment on time, fulfilling obligations of work, taking out the trash,replying to business emails, shopping and cooking healthy food, etc. are obligations and responsibilities that need to take place for everything to run smoothly, or to stay healthy, they have consequences and need to be adhered to, no matter how tiresome they may be.

'Expectations' like what you watch on TV, how you dress, your lifestyle choices, how often you visit or phone family, and what you do in you spare time are not obligations: they are personal choice or taste and not anybody's business but yours. They are optional: you do them when and if you want, and nobody has the right to criticise you for not doing them, or for making different lifestyle choices to theirs.

Personally, I always try to fulfil work or business obligations, such as being on time and responding to emails, because it's the right thing to do and inconsiderate or bad work ethic not to. It drives me mad that some people are so lax about some aspects of work, for example, that they cancel without notice or don't respond to my emails.

As for things like gender role expectations, lifestyle choices or matters of personal taste, well that's my business, no person or society has the right to tell he how I should dress, how I should act and feel and do based on gender, what music I should like or watch on TV... with these things I'm very much my own person and do my own thing.

 

[WereBear]

In focusing on the sources of my own stress, I was surprised by how much the pressures of others factored in. In fact, listening to what my own brain is saying in such moments is instructional, and often that is, "Stop asking me to do things!"

Demands are very stressful If I can anticipate, even see the point, I get along at work.

On a personal level: that's a personal level.

Also, @Pats , I wonder if they treat you badly because they can't push you around? In which case, why not ignore them?

 

[Mattymatt]

Unrealistic expectations can be very stressful. However, realistic expectations are important in for us to learn and move forward. Sometimes even realistic expectations can seem "unrealistic" at first. I've often been surprised by my initial reactions to expectations thinking that, after meeting them, they weren't so bad.

 

[Pats]

I think you need to separate these things on your list into two categories: expectations, and obligations/responsibilities, because expectations are not always obligations.

Things like being at an appointment on time, fulfilling obligations of work, taking out the trash,replying to business emails, shopping and cooking healthy food, etc. are obligations and responsibilities that need to take place for everything to run smoothly, or to stay healthy, they have consequences and need to be adhered to, no matter how tiresome they may be.

'Expectations' like what you watch on TV, how you dress, your lifestyle choices, how often you visit or phone family, and what you do in you spare time are not obligations: they are personal choice or taste and not anybody's business but yours. They are optional: you do them when and if you want, and nobody has the right to criticise you for not doing them, or for making different lifestyle choices to theirs.

Personally, I always try to fulfil work or business obligations, such as being on time and responding to emails, because it's the right thing to do and inconsiderate or bad work ethic not to. It drives me mad that some people are so lax about some aspects of work, for example, that they cancel without notice or don't respond to my emails.

As for things like gender role expectations, lifestyle choices or matters of personal taste, well that's my business, no person or society has the right to tell he how I should dress, how I should act and feel and do based on gender, what music I should like or watch on TV... with these things I'm very much my own person and do my own thing.

Yes, the obligations I'm talking about here are ones like obliged to call family members, weekly tournaments that I would never join because I don't want to have to be there, attend birthday parties, etc. Work and appointments are more than just an obligation. If you want to keep it, you need to be there and I'm always early. Once to an appointment I walked in about 1 minute before and the receptionist said she was worried about me because I'm always early. lol And I agree with your bad work ethics. I know someone who was 30 minutes late every day and blamed her boss for being mean when she lost her job.

 

[Pats]

In focusing on the sources of my own stress, I was surprised by how much the pressures of others factored in. In fact, listening to what my own brain is saying in such moments is instructional, and often that is, "Stop asking me to do things!"

Demands are very stressful If I can anticipate, even see the point, I get along at work.

On a personal level: that's a personal level.

Also, @Pats , I wonder if they treat you badly because they can't push you around? In which case, why not ignore them?

No, it's probably opposite - they could always push me around. A few years ago I did something that I don't usually do and went to my nieces wedding. My sister asked if I would pick up this and that and set it up for the reception. I was thrown off but agreed. I ended up being the server, too. And after the wedding the new husband was thanking me and greeting me and was very nice and said they needed to get their picture with her aunt. She said, no they were in a hurry, yet had their pictures with a few other people. Yes, okay - she was marrying into money and I've never even quite made it to the income that puts you in middle class. But I was always content and never wanted to be rich. And this is exactly one of the reasons.

 

[WereBear]

My sister asked if I would pick up this and that and set it up for the reception. I was thrown off but agreed. I ended up being the server, too. And after the wedding the new husband was thanking me and greeting me and was very nice and said they needed to get their picture with her aunt. She said, no they were in a hurry, yet had their pictures with a few other people.

I am allergic to such people.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

This kind of thing seriously annoys me, I mean come on, define "normal?! According to the Daily Fail/Torygraph readers who lambast me constantly, "normal" is someone who works 60 hours a week for almost no money after the Taxman takes his cut, just to "Keep the Wolf from the door".

If you have reached this level of woke, then why are you still trying to find a job instead of enjoying life?