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Featured Do Aspies have low emotional intelligence (EQ)?

Discussion in 'Education and Employment' started by ezcare, Jul 15, 2017 at 12:56 PM.

  1. ezcare

    ezcare Global Village Observer V.I.P Member

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    Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence.--Dr. Travis Bradberry

    Found this statement in an article by Dr. Bradberry titled "15 Signs You Are Emotionally Intelligent" ​

    Was wondering what the Aspie community thinks about this?​
     
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  2. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Emotional intelligence is a relatively new concept in the business world. My encounters and my spouses with bosses, department heads, business owners, presidents and vice presidents has led me to think that very few people in high echelon jobs are concerned with EQ. Some, who were well-liked seem to have high EQ's, other's seemed to lack any semblance of it. Both types appeared to do well in the higher status positions. Often I've found that the ones with low EQ's relied on another person, like an assistant or secretary to inform them on the way to present themselves.

    As my spouse and I are both Aspies, it hasn't interfered with our working life, my EQ is much higher than my spouses, and I have in many instances 'translated' situations for him. A male friend who is autistic, has a quite high EQ, and it's led to many job opportunities for him. Many more than if he had difficulty in communication or poor social skills, and was unable to 'sell' himself on his work experience and qualifications.

    A few of the ramifications of EQ are concerned with holding grudges, disliking change, judging character, yet very few of these difficulties are so rigidly held that they can't be lessened with experience. Aspies are not so inflexible that they cannot learn new ways to consider things. They often focus on their interests for that sort of certainty and comfort.
     
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  3. Dadwith2Autisticsons

    Dadwith2Autisticsons Well-Known Member

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    In order to determine Emotional Intelligence in Aspies, it might also be helpful to understand emotional intelligence in typical men versus women. I thought the below article covered the basic information well. Quoting below from www.psychologytoday.com:

    Dan Goleman Ph.D.

    "Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent Than Men?

    Yes, and Yes and No.

    Emotional intelligence has four parts: self-awareness, managing our emotions, empathy, and social skill. There are many tests of emotional intelligence, and most seem to show that women tend to have an edge over men when it comes to these basic skills for a happy and successful life. That edge may matter more than ever in the workplace, as more companies are starting to recognize the advantages of high EI when it comes to positions like sales, teams, and leadership.

    On the other hand, it's not that simple. For instance, some measures suggest women are on average better than men at some forms of empathy, and men do better than women when it comes to managing distressing emotions. Whenever you talk about such genderdifferences in behavior, your are referring to two different Bell Curves, one for men and one for women, that largely overlap. What this means is that any given man might be as good or better as any woman at empathy, and a woman as good as or better than a specific man at handling upsets.

    Let's look at empathy. There are three kinds: cognitive empathy, being able to know how the other person sees things; emotional empathy, feeling what the other person feels; and empathic concern, or sympathy -being ready to help someone in need.

    Women tend to be better at emotional empathy than men, in general. This kind of empathy fosters rapport and chemistry. People who excel in emotional empathy make good counselors, teachers, and group leaders because of this ability to sense in the moment how others are reacting.

    Neuroscientists tell us one key to empathy is a brain region called the insula, which senses signals from our whole body. When we're empathizing with someone, our brain mimics what that person feels, and the insula reads that pattern and tells us what that feeling is.

    Here's where women differ form men. If the other person is upset, or the emotions are disturbing, women's brains tend to stay with those feelings. But men's brains do something else: they sense the feelings for a moment, then tune out of the emotions and switch to other brain areas that try to solve the problem that's creating the disturbance.

    Thus women's complaint that men are tuned out emotionally, and men's that women are too emotional - it's a brain difference.

    Neither is better - both have advantages. The male tune-out works well when there's a need to insulate yourself against distress so you can stay calm while others around you are falling apart - and focus on finding a solution to an urgent problem. And the female tendency to stay tuned in helps enormously to nurture and support others in emotional trying circumstances. It's part of the "tend-and-befriend" response to stress.

    There's another way of looking at male-female differences in EI: Simon Bar-On Cohen at Cambridge University, says that there's an extreme "female brain" which is high in emotional empathy -- but not so good at systems analysis. By contrast, the extreme "male brain" excels in systems thinking and is poor at emotional empathy (he does not mean that all men have the "male brain", nor all women the "female brain" of course; many women are skilled at systems thinking, and many men at emotional empathy).

    Psychologist Ruth Malloy at the HayGroup Boston studies excellence in leaders. She finds when you only look at the stars -- leaders in the top ten percent of business performance -- gender differences in emotional intelligence abilities wash out: The men are as good as the women, the women as good as the men, across the board.

    That echoes a discovery by scientists who study primates. When a chimp sees another chimp who is upset, say from an injury, she mimics the distress, a way of showing empathy. Some chimps will then go over and give some solace to the upset chimp, for example, stroking the other to help it calm down. Female chimps do this more often than male chimps do - with one intriguing exception: The alpha males, the troupe leaders, give solace even more often than do female chimps. In nature's design, leaders, it seems, need a large dose of empathic concern."

    www.psychologytoday.com
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2017 at 3:52 PM
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  4. Inator

    Inator Well-Known Member

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    I have a question. What the hell means "to take with a grain of salt"? Seriously, it seems like an important part of the text, but for God's sake I just can not get it =U

    I like the rest though, I feel it could help for "learning" better behavior at the end of the day
     
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  5. Dadwith2Autisticsons

    Dadwith2Autisticsons Well-Known Member

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    It means they do not dwell on the negative opinion or problem as they may not agree with it, and thus do not worry about it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2017 at 5:12 PM
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  6. fuzz

    fuzz Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    To take someone's opinion with a grain of salt means if you can't make any sense of it, dismiss it and move things on to something else more productive.
     
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  7. Dadwith2Autisticsons

    Dadwith2Autisticsons Well-Known Member

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    Maybe that is what some of the readers in this forum who read the articles did.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2017 at 5:11 PM
  8. Katleya

    Katleya Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm inclined to believe that a few years from now, we'll find that it's not that people have more EQ, it's just that their EQ is more typical. It doesn't mean that someone on the spectrum with low EQ is tone-deaf to emotions, it just manifests in another way, and the tools that currently exist to measure it aren't adapted.

    I've met NTs that are supposedly very popular and empathetic who actually turned out to be even more at loss than I could ever be when confronted with a situation that called for actual emotional intelligence.

    If you asked Aspies to design a tool to measure EQ by our standards (say, compassion, likeliness to bully, honesty, etc.), don't you think NTs would score low, and we'd be "EQ geniuses"?

    But I might be partial because I have a terrible EQ score, especially for a woman. Maybe that theory is how I comfort myself :)
     
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  9. Katleya

    Katleya Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I thought it meant not to take the things as an absolute truth, meaning that while the opinion is stated, it may or may not apply 100% of the times, so take it with caution. The keyword here is really "not absolute" evidence.
     
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  10. Sportster

    Sportster Aged to Perfection

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    Hmm, I'll have to read up on this, as I've never heard of it before. Still, it sounds to me like the latest fad in the psychiatric world that they'll all jump on until it's disproved or another fad theory is promoted.
     
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  11. Alaska

    Alaska Active Member

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    Wise sayings seem to be part of every culture. Many of these sayings imply their main point, which can put Aspies at a disadvantage. It did me, until I discovered that there are books on the subject. Now there are sites on the internet as well.

    Not understanding the hidden meanings of common wise sayings bothered me a lot until I made a point of studying them for a while. Now I can ofen figure out what new ones mean and it has helped me to learn to understand things like irony and other implied meanings.

    Wise sayings can help teach better behavior too. They have helped me a lot.
     
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  12. Alaska

    Alaska Active Member

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    I have been acting really Aspie here and forgetting about the point of this thread.

    Yes, most Aspies have low emotional intelligence. That does not mean you need to be content with that. We can learn and improve our emotional intelligence. I have improved my own emotional intelligence and it has made life better for me.
     
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  13. Momo

    Momo Active Larrikin

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    Bah! Who needs emotional intelligence when you're a hermit living under a church in Russia filled with vodka and Potato Okroshka. I can just talk to the voices in my head, they're very friendly.
     
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  14. pax

    pax Well-Known Member

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    I haven't read this particular article yet, but I have read this theory before. My question was, as is yours, whose definition of emotional intelligence?

    Is emotional intelligence by the chosen definition a good thing? Why? Because it leads to success in business? Many successful in business are sociopaths: hardly a recommendation.o_O
     
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  15. Dadwith2Autisticsons

    Dadwith2Autisticsons Well-Known Member

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    Our oldest Autistic son Aaron, when he was between three and five years old, used to have difficulty sharing and taking terms, and understanding for instance his younger brothers' feelings and his rights to have them at those moments Dylan laughs, gets upset or cries. Aaron has gotten a lot better with our efforts the past two years, through our explanations why Dylan must be acting this way, and how he can help ease the situation. Also, by getting Aaron into better routines for sharing and taking turns, and with us using positive reinforcement if need be, too, he has learned the importance of empathy and those other things, with him knowing now other persons have feelings and rights too, and not just him.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2017 at 9:47 AM
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  16. ezcare

    ezcare Global Village Observer V.I.P Member

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    I am in violent agreement with your overly simplified premise. From a Global Village perspective, the entire world is on the verge of a formidable transformation. When that happens we will all realize that no matter what we eat or drink, we all pee and poop the same because we all belong to the human race.
    **Life in the Industrial Park was a Rat Race. Even if you won the race you were still a rat. Life is different in the Global Village.
     
  17. ezcare

    ezcare Global Village Observer V.I.P Member

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    In my case it is not that I cannot learn new ways; but like my favorite fictional character Bartleby the Scrivener, “I would prefer not to.”
     
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  18. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You don't have to believe in them, or take them to heart. Simply use them to your advantage, to pretend they matter is all that's required. Like a script for a play. Melville's lawyer would have understood at least that part and Bartleby may have ended up less sad and forlorn.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2017 at 2:12 PM
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  19. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Missionary Cybernaut

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    It means to recognize that a particular opinion exists, but don't lean on it too heavily.
     
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  20. SomeRandomAspie

    SomeRandomAspie I don't have Neurotypical Spectrum Disorder

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    I don't think there is a definitive answer. Maybe EQ is important in some and not as important in others. On a personal note, I took an online test and my EQ was supposedly 140 (I tried to approximate what a normal person would do). My IQ is 173 according to the SB IQ test.(I also maxed out the Mensa tests).
     
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