Disabling anxiety

[red_dog]

I always have quite a lot of anxiety, which I don't really deal with well. But there are times that my anxiety gets so high that I can't do anything.

At the moment my anxiety is extra high because:
- I moved to a new town at the start of the year to start a new job, and am still getting used to all the differences including the isolation
- I feel I don't know what is expected of me at work & am struggling with social relationships with my colleagues
- I had to change to a new psychologist which lasted for 2 sessions & now have to change again
- I rely a lot on 1 friend for support & he has said this is too much & wants me to cut back how much I contact him

My anxiety is increasing because my supervisor is visiting at work this week (she comes once a month). She is quite nice and kind, and is much less critical of things than I am on myself. But she is still my supervisor & could potentially sack me (I have had a turbulent employment history so fear this). I think I have generally been doing a good job, but 1 of my co-workers doesn't like me & seems to criticise me for minor things each day. Also the only objective performance measure is the number of formal observations that I have done each week. I was going to write up 6 from last week over the weekend, but couldn't. Due to printer issues at work I didn't need to submit them today, but will tomorrow, but I can't even start doing them.

I'm also struggling with lots of basic things at home, partly because I feel that I should be doing my work & partly cause I'm just so tired & can't think properly. This includes showering, cooking, washing dishes, general tidiness, washing clothes, exercising etc. Am not sleeping well either.

I am also struggling with basic things at work, such as remembering what tasks need to be done, and have at times just stood and watched the others as I don't know what to do.

I know if I can just finish the write ups of the observations, then I will be ok, even if not great. But when I try to do them my mind just goes blank & I can't think of what to say.

Am looking for short term strategies to help me get through the next couple of days, especially dealing with the writing of the obs (either getting them done, or coping with them not being done).

I haven't told my workplace about my aspergers or anxiety as I fear they would discriminate against me & I would loose my job.

 

[Travis]

I feel for you Red. Wish I had some useful tangible advice for you, but I struggle with crippling anxiety myself and am yet to find anything more than band aids to deal with it. In my experience, honesty is the best combatant of anxiety at work. Not so much in telling your boss about being on the spectrum, but more about getting clear-cut expectations about your role in the company and the expectations of your position. This approach has worked for me in my current job. I explained to my boss what I had been struggling with, including owning up to some mistakes and a lack of knowledge about some stuff I should know, and he was very understanding and got me some training to get me up to speed.

 

[The Penguin]

Moving to a new area can be very hard. I learned this when I moved to Nova Scotia. Between bad things from my childhood hood in Nova Scotia and new bad things during my adult life, I looking forward to leave when I have the money to do so.

I hope things get better for you.

 

[watersprite]

Red_Dog, hi, I have anxiety too, sometimes severe. Stating ahead of time that this comes at a high price of super fatigue after it is done: When I'm very anxious and yet have to get a task done, I go into my focus zone. First I make a list of all the stuff that needs doing. Then I mentally wall off everything else for a time, put the list away in a drawer and do the 'have-to' task. Usually I don't like the results and yet at least I get it more or less done. Make sure to eat decent food. If you decide not to do the task decide on one or two things that you know will help calm you. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[garnetflower13]

My new therapist has had me start on a workbook called the Feeling Good Handbook. It is based upon cognitive behavioral therapy. So far I am struggling to apply the new tools, but some of them make a lot of sense. Maybe you could check it out?

 

[Tom]

I felt similar at times. It could be really uncomfortable and inescapable. Meds pretty much reduced anxiety to normal levels for me. Are you taking an anti-anxiety medication?

 

[Kari Suttle]

A few temporary short term strategies i use are:

- During your free time find something you like that you can get absorbed in that makes you happy; for me, i usually play video games or watch anime.

- In the moment, breathing techniques can help a lot. So can calming music.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I always have quite a lot of anxiety, which I don't really deal with well. But there are times that my anxiety gets so high that I can't do anything.

At the moment my anxiety is extra high because:
- I moved to a new town at the start of the year to start a new job, and am still getting used to all the differences including the isolation
- I feel I don't know what is expected of me at work & am struggling with social relationships with my colleagues
- I had to change to a new psychologist which lasted for 2 sessions & now have to change again
- I rely a lot on 1 friend for support & he has said this is too much & wants me to cut back how much I contact him

My anxiety is increasing because my supervisor is visiting at work this week (she comes once a month). She is quite nice and kind, and is much less critical of things than I am on myself. But she is still my supervisor & could potentially sack me (I have had a turbulent employment history so fear this). I think I have generally been doing a good job, but 1 of my co-workers doesn't like me & seems to criticise me for minor things each day. Also the only objective performance measure is the number of formal observations that I have done each week. I was going to write up 6 from last week over the weekend, but couldn't. Due to printer issues at work I didn't need to submit them today, but will tomorrow, but I can't even start doing them.

I'm also struggling with lots of basic things at home, partly because I feel that I should be doing my work & partly cause I'm just so tired & can't think properly. This includes showering, cooking, washing dishes, general tidiness, washing clothes, exercising etc. Am not sleeping well either.

I am also struggling with basic things at work, such as remembering what tasks need to be done, and have at times just stood and watched the others as I don't know what to do.

I know if I can just finish the write ups of the observations, then I will be ok, even if not great. But when I try to do them my mind just goes blank & I can't think of what to say.

Am looking for short term strategies to help me get through the next couple of days, especially dealing with the writing of the obs (either getting them done, or coping with them not being done).

I haven't told my workplace about my aspergers or anxiety as I fear they would discriminate against me & I would loose my job.

I've been relocated for work and I know how this feels. I do have a couple of suggestions, if advice is acceptable (not sure if you're just ranting for relief, or if you want advice--please forgive if this isn't what you were looking for).

- Write a formal observation--in longhand if you have to. This shows engagement and will actually make you feel a little better since you're doing real work, just not the way you expected. You're a newbie, it's OK.

- I feel I don't know what is expected of me at work & am struggling with social relationships with my colleagues
Look at your job description and ask what's most important right now (if you didn't ask this at your interview). Ask how it's being measured; or propose how to measure it, to your supervisor. Observe your colleagues. What are their routines for starting the day, breaking for coffee, going to lunch, dealing with stress? Copy them for now.

- ASK FOR HELP. If you do nothing else, do this. If you don't know what to do, say something like, "I'm stuck. What can I do to help?" and say it to a team lead or someone who has a lot of social authority, a following.

- Get some sunlight daily, and wind down at night with something soothing (hot bath, chamomile tea, etc). You need to establish a routine (as you know already). Don't make being overwhelmed your routine.

- Come here for friends, and cut back on asking the person who asked you to cut back. No one wants to be the only available source.

Gotta go, but I do hope this helps and that things are starting to get better as you adjust. It takes time to put down roots.

 

[baz]

Hi Red Dog
I too suffer from extreme anxiety at times and it can be very debilitating, and your situation with moving and starting a new job is of course very stressful regardless of whether you have aspergers or not.
I would strongly advise you to be true to yourself and your emotions, I know you want to get on with everyone and do well in your job but you have to accept you for who you are. By being honest with yourself hopefully will avoid you putting yourself in stressful situations. Also having good meds can help you to deal with your new life without getting bogged down, I totally depend on my meds and I highly recommend you see your doctor who can give you help and advice.
good luck and remember you are not alone.
Baz.

 

[red_dog]

I couldn't face going in to work today with the the Observation write ups not completed. Was getting so anxious about it was feeling physically unwell, so called in sick with a migraine saying I just needed the morning off to recover. I slept a few hours, washed my work clothes, completed several of the obs (so much easier as I felt like the pressure wasn't on me any more - even though it was??). Then I felt confident enough to go in to work.

Once at work, I was ironically unable to print out my Obs due to computer issues. But I had a chat with my supervisor, who was impressed with my progress. Then we had a staff meeting and I was so confident I could hardly recognise myself. I really felt I knew what I was talking about. I came home full of energy and very positive. Which is great - but it doesn't make sense to me. Why was I so anxious before, but so great now? How can I keep this great feeling? How can I understand why I feel the way I feel, so I can develop some control over my anxiety rather than it controlling me?

Thanks to the people who replied for your support.
Travis - I think I need to be careful with my honesty - admitting a failing or 2 seems human, but too many spells trouble. So I try to only admit to a few harmless struggles.
Tom & Baz - yes am on meds & they help long term, but not in these peaks of anxiety
Kari - yes I can sometimes procrastinate and get totally absorbed in something for a while which temporarily feels better, but then things are worse. I forget to do breathing stuff in the moment, but unfortunately it doesn't help with my general anxiety.
Aspergirl - love the phrase "don't make being overwhelmed your routine" & your other hints & encouragement useful too
kestrel, garnetflower & penguin - thanks for your support & ideas too.