Corrupt A Wish

[Myron]

Granted, but you will get sleep paralysis!

I wish my cat could talk!

 

[tree]

WISH GRANTED:
The words your cat speaks are a delight & comfort to all
who hear them, except for you. You have to settle for lip
reading now that you have gone deaf.

I wish my toes didn't hurt when the floor is cold.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. Now your heels hurt all the time.

I wish that every eligible Canadian remembered to vote today.

 

[Vinca]

Granted! Every eligible Canadian remembers to vote today, for who they want to win the UK X-factor competition.



I wish I had a device that would tell me what emotions I am experiencing and the root cause of said emotions.

 

[tree]

WISH GRANTED:
The device is within your grasp.
It is the vegetable drawer in your refrigerator.
If you stock it with beets, you will feel defeated/beat.
If it's full of potatoes, you will experience paranoia as an effect of all those eyes staring at you.
Likewise, the effect of celery will bring on feelings of being stalked.
In general, if you want to carrot all...you know what to do.
-------------------------
I wish Snorkling Mandelbrot III was the most popular character
in the new breakout series, 'Modest Podgies', on CBS, instead of
Troy Brinkhausen because he really doesn't deserve the attention.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. This is because the show has exactly 37 viewers, so it's getting cancelled.

I wish for my dental appointment to end at a reasonable hour on Thursday.

 

[tree]

WISH GRANTED: The ending time was reasonable. It was the starting time that was out of line.

I wish I could write stories.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. You wrote them right when Brother Louie was climbing the charts, just like everyone did. They did write back, but you had moved by then, so they just got a Return to Sender.

I wish not to have to work on Wednesday.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

Granted now that you've been laid off.

I wish my jaw didn't hurt.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. What jaw?

I wish that my friends would gather at a place that is easier for me to get to.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

Granted but they've gathered there to die

I wish I could eat solid foods

 

[nosouvenirs]

Granted, but at least 50% of them each day are foods you utterly despise.

I wish I could fly.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. You are now a mayfly. Or, rather, were a mayfly, given their lifespan.

I wish that Greyhound would restore the Thompson-Flin Flon route.

 

[Butterfly88]

Granted, but the bus breaks down during your trip.

I wish I would win the lottery.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

Granted but you lose control of your accounts, and others make your spending decisions for you.

I wish my communications teacher want such a b*tch

 

[Flinty]

Granted. She spends all of her time at the pet shop looking for the perfect female dog.

I wish I could sleep in on Christmas Eve.

 

[OrSomething]

Granted, but you accidentally sleep through Christmas Day and your family gives all your presents to a local Salvation Army, except for the toilet brush.

I wish school would be cancelled tomorrow.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

Granted, your school has been closed due to massive amounts of asbestos, and you just thought it was a cold virus.

I wish I wasn't having nerve pain.

 

[AsperDragon]

Granted...but now you have phantom pains....
I wish i could better deal with society.

 

[OrSomething]

Granted, but society refuses to deal with you and comes after you with pitchforks.

I wish it wasn't so cold outside.