superawesomeme
Well-Known Member
This has probably been posted so many times before by others, but a quick, lazy scan of the bored bore no fruit, so I figured I'd post it.
The problem is going from attraction to obsession, faster than the speed of light.
I used to think it was love at first sight, but it's more likely just a hormonal reaction releasing dopamine and flooding my mental reward centre.
Anyway, for the most part I can see someone reasonably attractive, maybe think about them for a bit, do some light Instagram stalking, then move on.
Then there are the ones! The ones I can't stop thinking about. They may be a store assistant, someone at the gym or just someone who catches my eye. In an instant I go from "he's cute" to "omg it's destiny, he's the one, I need to find out everything about him and make him love me!"
I even tell myself I'm not going to do it, but my brain doesn't listen to me. Before I know it I will have stalked their Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, collected data on their schooling, employment history, friends, family, hobbies, interests, eating habits, everything...
Then I will subconsciously construct a fictitious version of the person in my head with all of the qualities they do have and all of the qualities I want them to have. Filtering out any qualities that don't fit with my ideal or could prove to be an obstacle.
The fantasy version of that person then consumes my thoughts. I can't think about anything else. I'm constantly distracted by thoughts of them and inventing different scenarios in which we could have a relationship. I'm like a teenage girl fawning over a popstar.
A simple like on an Instagram post will feel like the world has stopped for a moment. "OMG he liked my post. That means he likes me and he's thinking about me." If he initiates a conversation, however basic or dull, he might as well have rearranged the stars to say "marry me!".
This happens a lot. And the higher you climb, the harder you fall...
"He hasn't text back. It's been over an hour. He hates me. OMG what have I done? I had better text him and apologise."
He says he's fine, he's just busy. "Phew. He doesn't hate me. But know he thinks I'm clingy and pushy and I'll push him away. I need to play hard to get, but how will he know I'm into him?!"
And so plays out the one man soap opera of crazy in my head. Before I know it, I'm assessing the pros and cons of our relationship. A relationship that doesn't exist. I'm analysing every tweet, post and silence. I'm feeling crushed by the burden of my emotions and I can't understand why they don't feel the same way.
Every sensible bone in my body says "Stay away! What are you doing? Nothing good can come of this!" yet still I am fixated. Letting the obsessive thoughts infect my concentration and drive me insane.
HELP?! What tips does anyone have to stop these obsessions? How can I move on and break this cycle?
The problem is going from attraction to obsession, faster than the speed of light.
I used to think it was love at first sight, but it's more likely just a hormonal reaction releasing dopamine and flooding my mental reward centre.
Anyway, for the most part I can see someone reasonably attractive, maybe think about them for a bit, do some light Instagram stalking, then move on.
Then there are the ones! The ones I can't stop thinking about. They may be a store assistant, someone at the gym or just someone who catches my eye. In an instant I go from "he's cute" to "omg it's destiny, he's the one, I need to find out everything about him and make him love me!"
I even tell myself I'm not going to do it, but my brain doesn't listen to me. Before I know it I will have stalked their Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, collected data on their schooling, employment history, friends, family, hobbies, interests, eating habits, everything...
Then I will subconsciously construct a fictitious version of the person in my head with all of the qualities they do have and all of the qualities I want them to have. Filtering out any qualities that don't fit with my ideal or could prove to be an obstacle.
The fantasy version of that person then consumes my thoughts. I can't think about anything else. I'm constantly distracted by thoughts of them and inventing different scenarios in which we could have a relationship. I'm like a teenage girl fawning over a popstar.
A simple like on an Instagram post will feel like the world has stopped for a moment. "OMG he liked my post. That means he likes me and he's thinking about me." If he initiates a conversation, however basic or dull, he might as well have rearranged the stars to say "marry me!".
This happens a lot. And the higher you climb, the harder you fall...
"He hasn't text back. It's been over an hour. He hates me. OMG what have I done? I had better text him and apologise."
He says he's fine, he's just busy. "Phew. He doesn't hate me. But know he thinks I'm clingy and pushy and I'll push him away. I need to play hard to get, but how will he know I'm into him?!"
And so plays out the one man soap opera of crazy in my head. Before I know it, I'm assessing the pros and cons of our relationship. A relationship that doesn't exist. I'm analysing every tweet, post and silence. I'm feeling crushed by the burden of my emotions and I can't understand why they don't feel the same way.
Every sensible bone in my body says "Stay away! What are you doing? Nothing good can come of this!" yet still I am fixated. Letting the obsessive thoughts infect my concentration and drive me insane.
HELP?! What tips does anyone have to stop these obsessions? How can I move on and break this cycle?