I need advice about how to deal with my Aspie sister-in-law. She is widowed and has a young adult profoundly autistic son who lives with her. She has so alienated our family since my brother's death 5 years ago, that no one wants to have anything to do with her. She posts terrible things about us on social media, then pretends she doesn't "understand" how Facebook works or realize that the entire world reads her horrible comments about us. I have had many friends, members of the community and even professionals contact me about her aberrant behavior and her defamatory remarks about us. She demands that we do everything for her, simple routine tasks that she is perfectly capable of performing - including calling at midnight to drive to her house to change a light bulb - yes, a light bulb - for her. She has had multiple car accidents and I'm afraid for the safety of my nephew/her son. She is so rigid in her autism that she is a poor caretaker for my nephew. She keeps him drugged with pharmaceuticals to make it easy for her to deal with him. He has had several really suitable jobs that he loved through our state's vocational rehab services but he keeps loosing the jobs because she cannot/will not take him to and from the jobs on time. Consequently, he now does nothing but watch TV all day. She will not let him "learn" or progress in any way, like a weird form of Munchausen's Syndrome by proxy. She keeps him "dummied down" so she can incessantly complain about what a burden he is to her so she can get attention and sympathy. I used to spend a lot of time with him at my home where I taught him how to make sandwiches, fish tacos, salads and devilled eggs. (she will not allow him to do anything in the kitchen). I took him to GED classes for over a year where he thrived altho he couldn't pass the GED due to his lack of communication skills (he aced all topics but cannot write a mandatory essay due to his inability to "volunteer" words).
She will not allow him to spend any time with me unless I am her "friend", her slave for common household tasks, and listen to her constant complaints about everything and everyone. I worry about him, know he loves me and loves spending time with me, but I will not tolerate her maliciousness toward me and our family. I also know how easy and delightful it is to take care of my nephew and that she is full of BS when she claims his care takes up her entire life. We have asked her to write down everything she does for her son so we can see how to help her with her "burden". We're still waiting on her list, which will never materialize because she is lying about it.
How can I help my nephew without exposing myself to her hateful behavior?
She will not allow him to spend any time with me unless I am her "friend", her slave for common household tasks, and listen to her constant complaints about everything and everyone. I worry about him, know he loves me and loves spending time with me, but I will not tolerate her maliciousness toward me and our family. I also know how easy and delightful it is to take care of my nephew and that she is full of BS when she claims his care takes up her entire life. We have asked her to write down everything she does for her son so we can see how to help her with her "burden". We're still waiting on her list, which will never materialize because she is lying about it.
How can I help my nephew without exposing myself to her hateful behavior?
