Am I the only one never had a boyfriend?

[Ylva]

I'm 14 and have never had a girlfriend and I have a feeling that is going to continue on for a while most likely.(I kind of wish I had a GF so I knew what it is like, but it could just not be all it's cracked up to be)

Romance novels portray it as an unwelcome distraction. Romantic movies portray it as something that isn't real unless it blindsides you. If you personally can take it or leave it, it only means you're not a fictional character who exists solely to push the status quo.

Eta: Congratulations on that. My impression is that romance (and later sex) to even a neurotypical teenager is mostly just talk.

 

[ChrisC1983]

i never did!

but in all honestly.... i technically (for less than 1 week) had a girlfriend when i was around 17..... went to her house once, she went to mine, we seen a movie, had chinese food at my house (where mom sat in the middle of us... yeah..) and that was that
my only "real" relationship was actually a girl i met online when i was 21 (i'm 31 now)..... she came here for a while, i went there..... when she was here we went out a bit. mom wasn't living with me at then so we visited my mother, went out to eat a few times, movies, museum.. generally hung out. when i went to her state, we basically stayed indoors all the time. we lived with 1 of her friends, visited another friend (who lived in a 3bdrm trailer with 4 other couples) and eventually i was dragged to florida (from michigan) because the friend we lived with said her daughter was oh so sick and drama'd up the whole thing (she had a flu.. she was fine by the time we got there) and overall the whole thing was a stressful load of crap. that lasted about 1 year

since then.... nothing
i don't date, generally don't even relate well to people my age and i have a terrible home life (you could even call it abusive) with no real job (i work 70+hrs/wk for family, but don't get paid anything.. literally, nothing) so i have no time to even try to become comfortable with myself let alone somebody else, and no money to do so........ and the only thing i've wanted since grade school was to be with 1 person my whole life, 1-2 kids, a small house and that whole thing. today, i keep giving myself hollow reasons to not jump off the roof of the building i work in.... which i can BS up reasons for the rest of my life. none of them are "good" reasons, they're just enough to not do it. when i know i'm too old to have a child, that may change.








it's tough, it really is. people have told me to try and find an outdoor or public hobby. for example, if you like bike riding... maybe find a group that also likes it. there are sites like www.meetup.com for things like that. they'll get together for various hobbies and such, be they physical ones like biking or hiking.. or something such as going to museums or operas. as i said, i currently work 70+hrs/wk and have no money so ontop of be being outright scared to do such a public thing with a group of strangers. so i don't even try to force myself to do it because i know i don't have the time or money to do so
museums and such may cost money.. but some are free or very cheap (under 5 bucks) and often, things like bike riding are free... short of food/drink which you could take a small cooler with you.

it's like anything else.. to be noticed, you need to be somewhere you can be noticed. i really wish i had something truly helpful to say... i can certainly sympathize with the painfulness of being alone. people are strange..... when you're depressed and alone, people stay away.... when you're happy and with somebody, all of a sudden people flock to you.

honestly..... what if next time you went outside, you were as happy as you can be (within reason, don't be The Joker from Batman lol) and toss on an engagement ring... or something that looks like an engagement ring. i know, it's terrible. but it can't hurt to try right?
if they ask about the ring (if they even notice)... maybe say something like "we broke up a year ago, i just like the ring" or something like that. so it's not like you're "on the rebound" after a bad breakup, but also not a "ok it's been a year and she's still crying over this guy?"

 

[Nisk]

I've most definitley never had a boyfriend...

 

[Suiseiseki]

I'm almost 37 and I've never dated. It doesn't bother me, really. I have hardly met any happy couples in my life and people seem to date just because they think they should. I actually joined a dating site for about three weeks once just because I felt like it was a thing I should try. Ugh, the horror. Never again.

I guarantee that if I do ever date, it won't be before I'm 40, so no you're not the only one. Frankly, I am at the point now where I would like to find more permanently single friends because every time I make a friend and they date someone, our entire friendship eventually ends up revolving around me being forced to listen to their excruciatingly boring relationship problems that I don't understand. Relationships aren't mandatory, I'm living proof of that. So, why do they put up with nonsense and act like they're so grown-up and profound for doing so? People confuse me.

I kind of feel the same, I wasn't the single friend when I made the friends I have now, but I am now, and often, very often, get left out of things.

 

[kevin mao]

I'm 40 years old (has PDD), and never had a boyfriend. I wish in a way to have a boyfriend, and know what it's like to be in a relationship. I am told because I stay home a lot and stay out more. It is not easy, and many guys aren't really interested me. They either say I'm too nice, not understand me, have a girlfriend, or aren't interested.

too tell you the truth, a lot of boys (like me) are also worried about not having a girlfriend. just be yourself

 

[Aeolienne]

I was 37 when I had my first relationship. It lasted nearly three years until he said that it wasn't going anywhere and I admitted I wasn't in love with him (whatever that means). Prior to that I'd had an affair with a much older colleague and there were a couple of friends I'd had no-strings sex with, but none of these were publicly acknowledged. As I put it, before I got together with my now ex-boyfriend there had never been an ampersand in my life - that is, no-one referred to Aeolienne & someone.

At the moment, 18 months after splitting with my ex, I have a crush on a much younger colleague. Mustn't do anything silly!

 

[Mr Allen]

I'm 40 and apart from having female friends various stages of my school life, I've never had a girlfriend.

Anyway about this time last year I developed a crush on one of my female carers, Sandy, but she was 23 and I was 39, loads too old for her even if I knew her under better circumstances, and about 9 months ago she left on Maternity leave (and no, it's not mine) but apparently she's coming back early next year, she'll leave the Baby at her Mum's when she's working.

 

[Sylar]

I've never had a boyfriend, then again I'm not gay.

On a serious note I'm 24 and I've never had a girlfriend, been on a date or even had a female friend. I think the idea of it is nice and would like to experience it some day but it is ultimately unimportant. I'd love nothing more than to live out the romantic story where I marry the first girl I fall in love with, raise a family and stay with her for life, but you only have one life (at least on Earth depending on your beliefs) so it's more important to love yourself for you and be happy in your own company. Maybe one day you'll meet that special person. If not, who cares, you still had fun. That's what matters.

 

[Ylva]

The narrative of couple relations is shoved down our throats. I've tried it, but found I much prefer to be alone most of the time.

 

[artfull dodger]

I was nearly 30 before I had a true girl friend, then girlfriend and marriage happened in within 2 years. Prior to that time, I didnt really feel the need for someone else, I was fine by myself. Then I got the urge/obsession to not be alone anymore. Mike

 

[toothless]

32 and never been interested in any level in dating, i dont relate to humans and offline see them as furniture in the background,i dont connect enough to make a relationship worth it,ive been asked out by many people with intellectual disability but they get upset when ive told them i dont have interest in people,i dont have a sexuality partly due to the level of my autism but i am transgender.

 

[ksheehan88]

I am in a relationship now, have been for almost 10 years.

If this one ever went wrong and we broke up, I'd never have another serious relationship (ie one where you live together, be around eachother all the time)

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I've never been in a relationship, and I don't see myself ever doing so. The thought of having a partner just doesn't interest me, I enjoy being single too much!

 

[NLD?]

We are each on our own timelines. Don't let society place artifical milestone markers on your personal journey. I had my first girlfriend at 37. There is no written rule that says you should be further along at such and such an age. Relationships aren't ready at all and sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. If the grass is greener on the other side it is only because it needs more tending. ;-)

I'm new here, but thanks for saying this, and I'd like to think this goes for more than just relationships, but also careers, and also sorts of other things, which I think most of us can agree it does.

I've heard it once or twice before, but never said as well as you just did.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

ya i agree on there is no written rule but i'm sure it can feel forever depressing for missing out on earlier years, i know its common for other people to wish they met 10 or 20 years earlier

 

[Neramo]

I'm 40 years old (has PDD), and never had a boyfriend. I wish in a way to have a boyfriend, and know what it's like to be in a relationship. I am told because I stay home a lot and stay out more. It is not easy, and many guys aren't really interested me. They either say I'm too nice, not understand me, have a girlfriend, or aren't interested.

Your not the only one. Never had a real girlfriend. Been in relationship twice, with girls i didn't love, and were just revealed when they dumped me. In the first case i didn't care, and in the second i were tired of her interrupting my social life, and i were looking for a way to get out of it without hurting her feelings. Whenever there's someone i fall in love with, by the time i manage to get on their friendly side, they've already found someone else.

Just don't stop trying, is all i can recommend. Wish i could give you some help, but relationships is a code i haven't decoded yet.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I think you're probably not putting yourself out there enough. I think that's perfectly clear. There's a lot of autistic men out there looking for partners that's for sure.