Hey everyone,
I recently turned 29 years old and it seems now that every birthday I have ends up making me more depressed and anxious. Maybe I'm mourning all the things in life I've missed out on. I feel like I've had to deal with all the crumby parts of life and then some like having to go to school and working, but I've never gotten to enjoy the good parts of life like having a good social life, having a girlfriend, finding love, sex, etc... I actually did like many parts of school and sometimes like my job, but the reason I worked hard is so that I can have a life outside of work but that is missing. Anyway, I've never had a serious girlfriend, never have even come close to having sex, only experienced a kiss like 2 or 3 times, even though I want to experience all of these things desperately. I feel so lonely and feel like my life has been mostly joyless. A fraud. I've faked being happy my whole life it seems. I feel hopeless because most people my age either are married or have a serious girlfriend/boyfriend. And I've not had one my whole life! It's not like I'm unattractive physically. I've been told on several occasions (usually not directly) that I am very handsome. I'm in good shape physically because I like to run. I feel like I'm going to be perpetually behind my whole life. All I can see is problems on top of problems to deal with in the future. Eventually, in the distant future, I'll have to deal with physical problems of being old. In addition with dealing with aspergers for life in its entirety. And imagining myself dealing with all of this without anyone.
I'm guessing many of you on here have had similar thoughts and feelings at one point or another. I'm probably preaching to the choir, but sometimes it helps to get rid of all my negative thoughts by writing them out.
I recently turned 29 years old and it seems now that every birthday I have ends up making me more depressed and anxious. Maybe I'm mourning all the things in life I've missed out on. I feel like I've had to deal with all the crumby parts of life and then some like having to go to school and working, but I've never gotten to enjoy the good parts of life like having a good social life, having a girlfriend, finding love, sex, etc... I actually did like many parts of school and sometimes like my job, but the reason I worked hard is so that I can have a life outside of work but that is missing. Anyway, I've never had a serious girlfriend, never have even come close to having sex, only experienced a kiss like 2 or 3 times, even though I want to experience all of these things desperately. I feel so lonely and feel like my life has been mostly joyless. A fraud. I've faked being happy my whole life it seems. I feel hopeless because most people my age either are married or have a serious girlfriend/boyfriend. And I've not had one my whole life! It's not like I'm unattractive physically. I've been told on several occasions (usually not directly) that I am very handsome. I'm in good shape physically because I like to run. I feel like I'm going to be perpetually behind my whole life. All I can see is problems on top of problems to deal with in the future. Eventually, in the distant future, I'll have to deal with physical problems of being old. In addition with dealing with aspergers for life in its entirety. And imagining myself dealing with all of this without anyone.
I'm guessing many of you on here have had similar thoughts and feelings at one point or another. I'm probably preaching to the choir, but sometimes it helps to get rid of all my negative thoughts by writing them out.