AuroraBorealis
Well-Known Member
Hi, this might seem a silly thing to worry about, but I've had some bad experiences in the past with my friendships getting entangled with each other, and I'm afraid of this repeating itself.
My current situation is that all of my friends have no close connection between each other, they are, so to speak, "independent" friends. This wasn't intentional, but I like it this way, since in the past I had problems when almost all of my friends knew each other very well and were also friends between each other. One girl liked to talk about others behind their back, something I said got put out of context, misunderstandings arose - highschool clique trouble, I guess. I'm glad not to be in such a situation anymore.
Now, I got to know a person, let's name him Jack, a while ago, he was/is friends with my current best friend (let's name her Lisa). We met at our joint birthday party. At the time, Jack and Lisa were very good friends, and Jack and I really hit it off at the party. We had several shared interests and, in general, got along very well. Since then, Jack and I have been texting and have been talking about meeting for some video games or just to hang out. It never happened until now and the text conversation isn't extremely frequent, since Jack suffers from depression and finds it hard to answer to messages, but I like him and would like to keep the connection.
Now, Lisa and Jack have started to have problems for a while now. I think Lisa got too worked up in trying to solve Jack's (depression-related) issues for him and got impatient when he couldn't be as problem-solving and practical as she usually is. They have also had some disagreements about other things. And Lisa wanted to get included into Jack's group of old school friends, something Jack didn't really want and this hurt Lisa's feelings. Now, apparently they had some other disagreement (I don't know any details, though), and Lisa told me that she wants some space from Jack. It's possible that their friendship won't last much longer.
As far as I know, Jack hasn't behaved intentionally mean or in some way that I would find unacceptable. It seems to me that they simply had different views about different things. I know Lisa and I know that she can be a bit difficult to deal with sometimes, same way as I expect that Jack can be. I understand Lisa when she tells me stuff about this, and I also understand Jack. I would like to continue this developing connection Jack and I seem to have, despite the problems Lisa and Jack seem to have with each other. However, I don't want to get entangled in this. I don't want to hurt Lisa's feelings by staying in contact and being friends with Jack. Lisa has been my friend for a few years now and she is important to me. But I don't meet people often whom I connect with well, and I would find it sad to cut off the connection with Jack only because he and Lisa are no longer compatible as friends. From what Lisa has told me, I don't think their "problems" would be an issue between Jack and me, since Lisa and I are very different people with different needs in friendships. But I don't want to cause some sort of "friends entanglement", or her feeling betrayed by me.
I know this is sort of silly highschool stuff I should have outgrown by now. But, as I said, I had some really unpleasant experiences with friendships.
Do you have any advice?
Why does this have to be so complicated? Why do people have to feel betrayed or like you're disloyal when you simply understand both sides in an argument?
Thank you for reading and for your help.
My current situation is that all of my friends have no close connection between each other, they are, so to speak, "independent" friends. This wasn't intentional, but I like it this way, since in the past I had problems when almost all of my friends knew each other very well and were also friends between each other. One girl liked to talk about others behind their back, something I said got put out of context, misunderstandings arose - highschool clique trouble, I guess. I'm glad not to be in such a situation anymore.
Now, I got to know a person, let's name him Jack, a while ago, he was/is friends with my current best friend (let's name her Lisa). We met at our joint birthday party. At the time, Jack and Lisa were very good friends, and Jack and I really hit it off at the party. We had several shared interests and, in general, got along very well. Since then, Jack and I have been texting and have been talking about meeting for some video games or just to hang out. It never happened until now and the text conversation isn't extremely frequent, since Jack suffers from depression and finds it hard to answer to messages, but I like him and would like to keep the connection.
Now, Lisa and Jack have started to have problems for a while now. I think Lisa got too worked up in trying to solve Jack's (depression-related) issues for him and got impatient when he couldn't be as problem-solving and practical as she usually is. They have also had some disagreements about other things. And Lisa wanted to get included into Jack's group of old school friends, something Jack didn't really want and this hurt Lisa's feelings. Now, apparently they had some other disagreement (I don't know any details, though), and Lisa told me that she wants some space from Jack. It's possible that their friendship won't last much longer.
As far as I know, Jack hasn't behaved intentionally mean or in some way that I would find unacceptable. It seems to me that they simply had different views about different things. I know Lisa and I know that she can be a bit difficult to deal with sometimes, same way as I expect that Jack can be. I understand Lisa when she tells me stuff about this, and I also understand Jack. I would like to continue this developing connection Jack and I seem to have, despite the problems Lisa and Jack seem to have with each other. However, I don't want to get entangled in this. I don't want to hurt Lisa's feelings by staying in contact and being friends with Jack. Lisa has been my friend for a few years now and she is important to me. But I don't meet people often whom I connect with well, and I would find it sad to cut off the connection with Jack only because he and Lisa are no longer compatible as friends. From what Lisa has told me, I don't think their "problems" would be an issue between Jack and me, since Lisa and I are very different people with different needs in friendships. But I don't want to cause some sort of "friends entanglement", or her feeling betrayed by me.
I know this is sort of silly highschool stuff I should have outgrown by now. But, as I said, I had some really unpleasant experiences with friendships.
Do you have any advice?
Why does this have to be so complicated? Why do people have to feel betrayed or like you're disloyal when you simply understand both sides in an argument?
Thank you for reading and for your help.