Grumpy Cat
Well-Known Member
This got me thinking. I cannot say I have ever had anyone complain that I was using autism to get out of trouble or whatnot. I think that is terrible if that is happening to autistics. How about others? I am curious about others' experiences with that. I get along well with many people. I am not sure that I care too much about what people think of me or what their own behavior is except that I monitor whether things that bother me might also be bothering others (like noise, smoke etc). I will add that I do pick up on people saying things that appear to reflect that they are not perceiving how I feel correctly. It took me getting to my 40s to decide to tell people: "I am not mad (or anxious)...it is a neurological condition." They seem to totally understand that, I think. I sometimes say, "I am happy here because..." So you could say that I have learned to disclose that I have a neurological problem and that this prevents trouble.
I have friends who say I am "great in small doses" and I accept that. I doubt any NT would want to live with me though. I do control the social aspects of autism as best I can. I used to "take hostages" and deliver monologues to people [now I just write them and they can choose to read or not!]
I always want to improve. I need a lot of quiet time away from people, though. I keep my door closed in the office. I sit in my car a lot. I have a terrible time with transitions. But above all, I have extremely strong sensory processing issues. The pattern of dystonia I developed actually now makes apparent my underlying wiring. So this limits a lot of desire to be in social setters, bright places. Certain sound and light frequencies make certain muscles contract involuntarily in ways that do not look humanly possible. I go to a Movement Disorder clinic. So you know how we all are wired to sync up to environment instead of just the micromotions of human expression and body language. Indeed I am an example of this being VISIBLE now.
I do (or used to) run into problems with NPDs but I understand that condition much better now and so do not get confused when I see shame-projecting and belittling. That condition suffers from a need to block the feeling of shame and will blame and shame to constantly deflect and manage this terrible feeling. They can "use" people to keep constantly adjusting how they feel. In a way it is a developmental disorder in its own right as this behavior is a normal phase at two different points in development -- and this as a wiring issue may be more analogous to secondary attention problems when exposed to violence and chaos in one's upbringing in that these disruptions of development cause wiring problems.
No matter what, even if I try to get by and manage with NTs, I always prefer auts because we auts view information as neutral and information cannot really cause an aut to feel put down or ranked. We are concrete and specific. I feel more comfortable with that. I make the mistake of offending NTs if I tell them something like "I think your lawn may have Brown Patch Lawn disease which is a fungus; Also, your tree has Pin Oak disease."
In any case, whether feeling social or needing to be away from people, I manage my strategies intellectually and by analysis and rules and not by some instinct that I do think NTs have and that is partly a motor reflex at birth.
. I make the mistake of offending NTs if I tell them something like "I think your lawn may have Brown Patch Lawn disease which is a fungus; Also, your tree has Pin Oak disease."
I would actually appreciate this information and would hope you'd be able to tell me how to get rid of it too!
As an NT, I think that some NT's should be cut some slack. I know it's difficult being an Aspie after reading a lot of the posts on this site and communicating personally with some of the Aspies here. I've been on this site since December 25, 2013, and thought I understood a lot about Aspies and wouldn't have any problems getting along with Aspies. All I can say is that it's like learning another language. I made an Aspie friend here and we have had some real miscommunications usually because I was thinking like an NT (you can read about some of these miscommunications in "NT and Aspie Communicatiion") instead of Aspie. I have also had some miscommunications with other Aspies on this site and instead of never talking to them again, I did what Ste11aeres said to do and discussed with them how I feel and it helped every time. Even though I have a lot of information about Aspies under my belt, I'm still having at this time a problem accepting my Aspie friend not talking to me as much as I would like (as an NT). As an NT, my mind just cannot grasp the needing to be antisocial and my NTness keeps wondering if he's just getting tired of talking to me because in NT World when one doesn't speak to you it usually means there is something they don't like about you. All I'm saying is that if I'm having some difficulties and I know quite a bit about Aspies, NT's out in the world that know nothing about Aspergers need to be given a break as long as they are WILLING to learn more about Aspergers. At the same time, Aspies shouldn't let NT's treat them disrespectfully. I remember the first thing that shocked me when I came to this site was something an Aspie said that I thought was very rude, but if I were told by them beforehand that sometimes this happens I would be more understanding and accepting. That's why I am a big believer in telling the important people in your life that you are an Aspie and explain to them what Aspergers is. If they still don't try to understand you, then walk away.
