• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Would you consider dating such a guy?

If having a choice, you would

  • consider dating him

    Votes: 2 14.3%

  • no way

    Votes: 4 28.6%

  • run for your life. There's something wrong with him.

    Votes: 8 57.1%
  • Total voters
    14
alien girl

alien girl

Well-Known Member
It was a long time ago, but when I was around twenty one or so and still living at home, my parents sent me to their friend's house to 'return a book'. Their son tried to talk to me, but he gave me a very bad impression, and I left in a hurry.

The next day, my parents insisted I go out with him. In my parents' house, there was no such thing as saying no. The guy called, and I told him my parents are forcing me to go out with him, and I really dont want to, and he replied, "So when do I pick you up?"

If you run into someone like that, and you had a choice, what would you do?
 
I would ask why is it so important for me to date this guy, that they are willing to forsake my happiness for? But then I would go out on a date with him, because, after all, it is just a date; not marriage and see how things went. Because everyone deserves a chance. Perhaps he was shy and so that is why it didn't go well?

This is, of course, the adult me speaking lol
 
I'd be like, "Look, I'm just doing this cos I was forced to, I don't wanna date you, sod off!" :D

And for the record, contrary to popular opinion, I ain't gay, so I don't date guys :D
 
Last edited:
alien girl said:
It was a long time ago, but when I was around twenty one or so and still living at home, my parents sent me to their friend's house to 'return a book'. Their son tried to talk to me, but he gave me a very bad impression, and I left in a hurry.

The next day, my parents insisted I go out with him. In my parents' house, there was no such thing as saying no. The guy called, and I told him my parents are forcing me to go out with him, and I really dont want to, and he replied, "So when do I pick you up?"

If you run into someone like that, and you had a choice, what would you do?
Click to expand...
Sounds to me like you were almost being set up for a arranged marriage alien girl ,in general it some spooks you like that it is wise to listen to the feeling the person may be bad?
If he spooked you because he was being overly friendly on account he had already been ask by your family to ask you out...it may be different and okay, or not?:confused:

You are in a tough spot alien girl ...maybe you should find a guy you think is nice and make a big show of going out with him to get your parents off your back?
I'd heroically volunteer to save you, but I'm sort of seeing a aspie girl already, and I live a whole :ocean: ocean away from you...good luck alien girl ,you have my sympathies.
 
Since you say "It was a long time ago," I'm curious how the situation actually wound up getting resolved.

Some cultures just have that attitude...they want to exert some level of control over their children's or relatives' love lives, because in their mind, it increases their own stature in the social hierarchy. I don't know what your parents' actual intentions were, but that's what springs immediately to mind when I read your post.
 
I was only 16 years of age when I became determined not to let anyone ever put my on the spot over much of anything again. It has served me well, with possibly only one exception where I would have lost my job had I not done what I was told.
 
She said the incident was a long time ago, so it is fair to assume that this is not a current problem. I am also curious to know how this turned out though.
 
If someone tells a potential date they don't want to go out but someone else is making them... And the potential date brushes that aside and pays no attention to it: THIS IS A GIANT RED FLAG FOR FUTURE ABUSE.

The potential date might as well be wearing a sign that says, I don't care what you want. I only care what I want.

All the excuses I am reading on this thread are part of the problem. Women, in particular, are pressured into disregarding their own feelings, but it can also happen to men, who feel pressured to feel constantly in charge whether they are or not. Don't make excuses for people.

Confront them with the potential misunderstanding. Listen to what they say. If they belittle us, or or do not listen, or claim they are under no obligation to change their distressing behavior, we have our answer. We have permission to not date them any more.

I think Aspies are particularly vulnerable since we do not have as much instinctive understanding of social messages, but NT's get trapped by this all the time, too. An excellent book that taught me much was The Gift of Fear, which lays out exactly what behaviors to be wary of, and why.
 
Maelstrom said:
Sounds to me like you were almost being set up for a arranged marriage alien girl ,in general it some spooks you like that it is wise to listen to the feeling the person may be bad?
If he spooked you because he was being overly friendly on account he had already been ask by your family to ask you out...it may be different and okay, or not?:confused:

You are in a tough spot alien girl ...maybe you should find a guy you think is nice and make a big show of going out with him to get your parents off your back?
I'd heroically volunteer to save you, but I'm sort of seeing a aspie girl already, and I live a whole :ocean: ocean away from you...good luck alien girl ,you have my sympathies.
Click to expand...

That was a long time ago, Maelstrom, but it's sweet you offered. However, I just wanted to find out if this is normal, if most parents would do that. The problem was resolved long ago, but then it's partly my fault for not moving out of my parents' house until age 22. I was afraid I couldnt find a job because I wouldnt understand the boss's instructions, and there were other reasons as well.

I'm glad you're seeing an aspie girl. Always thought aspies dating aspies kinda makes sense, although of course aspies can date nts too.
 
midlife aspie said:
She said the incident was a long time ago, so it is fair to assume that this is not a current problem. I am also curious to know how this turned out though.
Click to expand...

While walking from his car, he bumped into a toddler and knocked him down. He picked up the toddler and kept walking leaving the little one screaming, and then told me, "Damn kids running around everywhere."

In the car, he told me about a guy caught molesting a seven year old in a building, and he smiled a creepy smile while saying it.

Later, he put his hand on my hip. I took it off and told him he should have his hands cut off. Lucky for him, he didn't try again. I had a knife from the kitchen in my pocket. Maybe he saw there was something in my pocket, and that's why he left me alone. I dont know.

Sounds like fun? I told my parents he put his hands on me, and they didn't force me to go out with him again.
 
alien girl said:
While walking from his car, he bumped into a toddler and knocked him down. He picked up the toddler and kept walking leaving the little one screaming, and then told me, "Damn kids running around everywhere."

In the car, he told me about a guy caught molesting a seven year old in a building, and he smiled a creepy smile while saying it.

Later, he put his hand on my hip. I took it off and told him he should have his hands cut off. Lucky for him, he didn't try again. I had a knife from the kitchen in my pocket. Maybe he saw there was something in my pocket, and that's why he left me alone. I dont know.

Sounds like fun? I told my parents he put his hands on me, and they didn't force me to go out with him again.
Click to expand...
It would appear your instinct on him being bad was correct alien girl ,no that situation with him and your parents is not normal...it would appear your family was getting fairly desperate to marry you off. I am not sure what the customs are where you live, arranged marriages are sometimes done, but I'm not sure dating is included in that much. I think maybe this guy was hoping to use the arranged marriage situation, and you, putting his hands on you before the wedding is a very big No No! over there, he could get hurt for doing that.
I'm am glad you got out okay and un-harmed alien girl ,I hope God blesses you some how with what you need, these things are so hard on the heart sometimes.Sigh!:(

Best wishes Maelstrom:fourleaf:
 
I'm still absolutely flummoxed as to why some men think this is a successful way to "win" a woman. I did an experiment online where I pretend to be female...what an eye-opener!
 
wyverary said:
I'm still absolutely flummoxed as to why some men think this is a successful way to "win" a woman. I did an experiment online where I pretend to be female...what an eye-opener!
Click to expand...
Fascinating study isn't it? I don't get it. If those guys act the same way IRL and manage to secure relationships, then I must wonder about the women who are involved. Folks like us try to find people online and get the big dis. The 'right' approach must be somewhere in between.
 
Back in the late 90's there was a site called Matchmaker. My friend and I decided it would be fun to prank a mutual friend of ours, so knowing every detail about what he wanted in a woman, and knowing him extremely well, we made up a female profile taylored specifically for him. We had a blast messing with him, but we also got a lot of garbage from other guys that I thought was quite appalling and shed some light on why women don't respond well on internet dating sites.
 
alien girl said:
No, my parents were worried about me not dating and not having friends. It was very important for them that I'd be like everyone else.
Click to expand...

So they set you up with a rather loathesome person; who was undoubtedly also desperate and available, but in his case, for excellent reasons!

Oh, conformist NT's. If everyone else was jumping off a bridge, so would they.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom