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What are your feelings about Valentine's Day?

Valentine's Day is always hard for me, because it reminds me of my first (and only) romantic relationship. It started Feb 3, 2012, when I was visiting a neighbor like I had been doing since I first introduced myself to her in the middle of the previous December. We were watching the news as we usually did, when she asked me if she could ask me a personal question. I said she could. She then said that before she asked the question, she wanted me to promise her that I would continue to visit her after she asked it, regardless of my answer. I said I would, then she blurted out:

"Why don't you ever kiss me?"

She then started crying, and I could see that this was very important to her.

I was stunned. I had no idea that she felt that way about me. I told her that, and she replied "Well, I do! I have felt that way for a long, long time! And, you totally ignored me!"

All kinds of thoughts were racing through my head. I have never had a romantic relationship before, and I never understood why. Could it be that other women in the past were attracted to me and I was just too clueless to know that? might there be some now that feel that way? I really couldn't think of any.

What were my feelings about her? She was somebody I cared about and felt sorry for because she had just left an abusive relationship, but I did not see her as a girlfriend because we really didn't have any common interests. However, I didn't know of anyone else who might be interested in me, and I have always wanted a romantic relationship, why turn down the only opportunity I knew of?

I thought about it for awhile, and it was time for me to go. I said to her"Before I go, there is something I want to do.". I then kissed her, and she kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed me back like nothing I have ever seen before.

The next time I visited her we were watching the news again, and she told me that she loved me and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed again and went all over me, told me she wanted to have sex with me, and we did.

After that we had a very intense romance. On Valentine's Day I got her a planter with flowers in it (I wanted something that would last longer than cut flowers do.), with a card. I was over at her place just about every day from February through April, and we spent long hours hugging, kissing, and cuddling. We were having sex several times a week. She told me she wanted to marry me, and I told her that I wanted to wait until the anniversary of our first kiss before making any commitment.

There were two things that really bothered me about the relationship. (1) Once you got past the hugging, kissing, and cuddling, the only things we enjoyed together were "Man Vs Food" and jigsaw puzzles. I did not see a romance lasting long with her. (2) She was very clingey. If I went to work or anywhere else she would pine away for me. She reminded me very much about a Twilight Zone episode about a love potion where the woman who drank the potion drives her man crazy by wanting him all the time, until he begs the man he bought it from for the antidote.

She suffered from depression, and on the first of May she went to the hospital for ECT treatment. She said that it would be a week, maybe two. I was hoping that after that maybe we could have a healthy relationship. Boy, was I wrong!

She come back six weeks later as a zombie. Before, it was "Thanks for coming! It is so good to see you!", with a big hug and lots of kisses. Now it's "Hello. Come in." with no emotion and a blank look on her face. No more hugging, kissing, and cuddling, no more sex. She would hardly say anything and stare into space with a blank look on her face. It really scared me. I just didn't know what to do or say.

Then, she didn't want me over any more. She wouldn't say why. This went on for months.

Then, she invited me over to "explain". I come over and she says "I don't remember anything." What??? What do you mean, you don't remember anything???? She said that she knew that we knew each other somehow, but she couldn't remember why or what we did.

She never wanted me over again, and later said she wanted nothing more to do with me. She would not say why.

I still have long crying spells because I miss her so much, and there is a deep and heavy sadness that never goes away.
 
lostinspace said:
Valentine's Day is always hard for me, because it reminds me of my first (and only) romantic relationship. It started Feb 3, 2012, when I was visiting a neighbor like I had been doing since I first introduced myself to her in the middle of the previous December. We were watching the news as we usually did, when she asked me if she could ask me a personal question. I said she could. She then said that before she asked the question, she wanted me to promise her that I would continue to visit her after she asked it, regardless of my answer. I said I would, then she blurted out:

"Why don't you ever kiss me?"

She then started crying, and I could see that this was very important to her.

I was stunned. I had no idea that she felt that way about me. I told her that, and she replied "Well, I do! I have felt that way for a long, long time! And, you totally ignored me!"

All kinds of thoughts were racing through my head. I have never had a romantic relationship before, and I never understood why. Could it be that other women in the past were attracted to me and I was just too clueless to know that? might there be some now that feel that way? I really couldn't think of any.

What were my feelings about her? She was somebody I cared about and felt sorry for because she had just left an abusive relationship, but I did not see her as a girlfriend because we really didn't have any common interests. However, I didn't know of anyone else who might be interested in me, and I have always wanted a romantic relationship, why turn down the only opportunity I knew of?

I thought about it for awhile, and it was time for me to go. I said to her"Before I go, there is something I want to do.". I then kissed her, and she kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed me back like nothing I have ever seen before.

The next time I visited her we were watching the news again, and she told me that she loved me and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed again and went all over me, told me she wanted to have sex with me, and we did.

After that we had a very intense romance. On Valentine's Day I got her a planter with flowers in it (I wanted something that would last longer than cut flowers do.), with a card. I was over at her place just about every day from February through April, and we spent long hours hugging, kissing, and cuddling. We were having sex several times a week. She told me she wanted to marry me, and I told her that I wanted to wait until the anniversary of our first kiss before making any commitment.

There were two things that really bothered me about the relationship. (1) Once you got past the hugging, kissing, and cuddling, the only things we enjoyed together were "Man Vs Food" and jigsaw puzzles. I did not see a romance lasting long with her. (2) She was very clingey. If I went to work or anywhere else she would pine away for me. She reminded me very much about a Twilight Zone episode about a love potion where the woman who drank the potion drives her man crazy by wanting him all the time, until he begs the man he bought it from for the antidote.

She suffered from depression, and on the first of May she went to the hospital for ECT treatment. She said that it would be a week, maybe two. I was hoping that after that maybe we could have a healthy relationship. Boy, was I wrong!

She come back six weeks later as a zombie. Before, it was "Thanks for coming! It is so good to see you!", with a big hug and lots of kisses. Now it's "Hello. Come in." with no emotion and a blank look on her face. No more hugging, kissing, and cuddling, no more sex. She would hardly say anything and stare into space with a blank look on her face. It really scared me. I just didn't know what to do or say.

Then, she didn't want me over any more. She wouldn't say why. This went on for months.

Then, she invited me over to "explain". I come over and she says "I don't remember anything." What??? What do you mean, you don't remember anything???? She said that she knew that we knew each other somehow, but she couldn't remember why or what we did.

She never wanted me over again, and later said she wanted nothing more to do with me. She would not say why.

I still have long crying spells because I miss her so much, and there is a deep and heavy sadness that never goes away.
Click to expand...

Hey, Lostinspace, I honestly feel for you as I rather understand your experience, certainly the loneliness.. may I just say that, these days, my personal red flags now go up with clinginess and the word 'Love' said too soon, before you even really know a person.. I hope you don't take offence as it's only my opinion.. I'll say, also, that I'd still rather attempt a tricky relationship, see what happens and learn from it, than be alone for so long!
That said, my exGF had had ECT treatment before I met her and suffered memory loss, but had recovered considerably over time. We were happy together for a while, I think because each understood that the other had problems, though the problems eventually got in the way.. I'm wondering if you've contacted her since and how she is 2-3 years along?
It may be worth a visit/e-mail/card, if only to help lay this to rest for you..
I can only give you my best wishes..

Edit: I almost didn't post this as I didn't want to risk hurting your feelings further, or encourage you in a possibly unfortunate direction, I only know what I would do..
 
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That is horrible! What a nightmare! I wouldn't blame her because on WebMD it says that memory loss is a common complaint with that treatment. I don't even know what to say. It bothers me when people get dementia and cannot remember their family members. This sounds like it made her worse. I don't like treatment like that - it gives me the creeps. She probably didn't want anything to do with you because it just reminds her of what she doesn't remember. That would be so strange to have a complete stranger say that you had a relationship with them and you couldn't even remember it. It's just so awful. I'm with Spinner. Send her a card or something and ask her if she would like to talk with you over coffee or something. Maybe you can try to become friends again at least.
 
lostinspace said:
Valentine's Day is always hard for me, because it reminds me of my first (and only) romantic relationship. It started Feb 3, 2012, when I was visiting a neighbor like I had been doing since I first introduced myself to her in the middle of the previous December. We were watching the news as we usually did, when she asked me if she could ask me a personal question. I said she could. She then said that before she asked the question, she wanted me to promise her that I would continue to visit her after she asked it, regardless of my answer. I said I would, then she blurted out:

"Why don't you ever kiss me?"

She then started crying, and I could see that this was very important to her.

I was stunned. I had no idea that she felt that way about me. I told her that, and she replied "Well, I do! I have felt that way for a long, long time! And, you totally ignored me!"

All kinds of thoughts were racing through my head. I have never had a romantic relationship before, and I never understood why. Could it be that other women in the past were attracted to me and I was just too clueless to know that? might there be some now that feel that way? I really couldn't think of any.

What were my feelings about her? She was somebody I cared about and felt sorry for because she had just left an abusive relationship, but I did not see her as a girlfriend because we really didn't have any common interests. However, I didn't know of anyone else who might be interested in me, and I have always wanted a romantic relationship, why turn down the only opportunity I knew of?

I thought about it for awhile, and it was time for me to go. I said to her"Before I go, there is something I want to do.". I then kissed her, and she kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed me back like nothing I have ever seen before.

The next time I visited her we were watching the news again, and she told me that she loved me and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed again and went all over me, told me she wanted to have sex with me, and we did.

After that we had a very intense romance. On Valentine's Day I got her a planter with flowers in it (I wanted something that would last longer than cut flowers do.), with a card. I was over at her place just about every day from February through April, and we spent long hours hugging, kissing, and cuddling. We were having sex several times a week. She told me she wanted to marry me, and I told her that I wanted to wait until the anniversary of our first kiss before making any commitment.

There were two things that really bothered me about the relationship. (1) Once you got past the hugging, kissing, and cuddling, the only things we enjoyed together were "Man Vs Food" and jigsaw puzzles. I did not see a romance lasting long with her. (2) She was very clingey. If I went to work or anywhere else she would pine away for me. She reminded me very much about a Twilight Zone episode about a love potion where the woman who drank the potion drives her man crazy by wanting him all the time, until he begs the man he bought it from for the antidote.

She suffered from depression, and on the first of May she went to the hospital for ECT treatment. She said that it would be a week, maybe two. I was hoping that after that maybe we could have a healthy relationship. Boy, was I wrong!

She come back six weeks later as a zombie. Before, it was "Thanks for coming! It is so good to see you!", with a big hug and lots of kisses. Now it's "Hello. Come in." with no emotion and a blank look on her face. No more hugging, kissing, and cuddling, no more sex. She would hardly say anything and stare into space with a blank look on her face. It really scared me. I just didn't know what to do or say.

Then, she didn't want me over any more. She wouldn't say why. This went on for months.

Then, she invited me over to "explain". I come over and she says "I don't remember anything." What??? What do you mean, you don't remember anything???? She said that she knew that we knew each other somehow, but she couldn't remember why or what we did.

She never wanted me over again, and later said she wanted nothing more to do with me. She would not say why.

I still have long crying spells because I miss her so much, and there is a deep and heavy sadness that never goes away.
Click to expand...

I forgot to quote your post. Sorry.
 
Grumpy Cat said:
That is horrible! What a nightmare! I wouldn't blame her because on WebMD it says that memory loss is a common complaint with that treatment. I don't even know what to say. It bothers me when people get dementia and cannot remember their family members. This sounds like it made her worse. I don't like treatment like that - it gives me the creeps. She probably didn't want anything to do with you because it just reminds her of what she doesn't remember. That would be so strange to have a complete stranger say that you had a relationship with them and you couldn't even remember it. It's just so awful. I'm with Spinner. Send her a card or something and ask her if she would like to talk with you over coffee or something. Maybe you can try to become friends again at least.
Click to expand...

I'd like to contact her again, mostly because I want to know what it was I did or said that caused her to want nothing more to do with me. Not sure how to do that though. She told me she never wanted to hear from me again, this is what hurts the most.

It's strange, because I had always expected our relationship to die down to a friendship where I would come over a couple of times a week at most and we would watch "Man Vs Food" and put together jigsaw puzzles, and that would be it. After her treatment that is exactly what happened, but it was sudden, like falling off a cliff, not the gradual come down over a year or so like I expected.

Searching WebMD got this:

"The most common side effect of ECT is short-term memory loss. However, some people report that they have long-term memory loss as well.

I can see her not remembering whether our first kiss was in January, February, or March. I can see her fuzzy of how it started or many of the details, but not remembering that it happened at all? Not even remembering she was even attracted to me? After all the hugging, kissing, and cuddling? After having sex over a dozen times? After this going on just about every single day in a three month period, and her wanting me for a month and a half before that? She doesn't remember any of that? That was something I just didn't see coming. If that kind of thing happens, why aren't there warnings about it?

We first met in the middle of December, 2011. It was before Christmas that we went to Wal Mart, and she asked me then if I had a girlfriend, and I said no. I didn't think much about it, but later she said that at that time she was strongly attracted to me (It was why she asked that question.), after we had only known each other a week. How could she remember me at all and not remember being attracted to me?

There are tons of questions I have about this, but she never talked much to me or wanted me over after saying she couldn't remember anything.
 
lostinspace said:
I'd like to contact her again, mostly because I want to know what it was I did or said that caused her to want nothing more to do with me. Not sure how to do that though. She told me she never wanted to hear from me again, this is what hurts the most.

It's strange, because I had always expected our relationship to die down to a friendship where I would come over a couple of times a week at most and we would watch "Man Vs Food" and put together jigsaw puzzles, and that would be it. After her treatment that is exactly what happened, but it was sudden, like falling off a cliff, not the gradual come down over a year or so like I expected.

Searching WebMD got this:

"The most common side effect of ECT is short-term memory loss. However, some people report that they have long-term memory loss as well.

I can see her not remembering whether our first kiss was in January, February, or March. I can see her fuzzy of how it started or many of the details, but not remembering that it happened at all? Not even remembering she was even attracted to me? After all the hugging, kissing, and cuddling? After having sex over a dozen times? After this going on just about every single day in a three month period, and her wanting me for a month and a half before that? She doesn't remember any of that? That was something I just didn't see coming. If that kind of thing happens, why aren't there warnings about it?

We first met in the middle of December, 2011. It was before Christmas that we went to Wal Mart, and she asked me then if I had a girlfriend, and I said no. I didn't think much about it, but later she said that at that time she was strongly attracted to me (It was why she asked that question.), after we had only known each other a week. How could she remember me at all and not remember being attracted to me?

There are tons of questions I have about this, but she never talked much to me or wanted me over after saying she couldn't remember anything.
Click to expand...

Who would claim what she has if it wasn't true? Saying I didn't remember anything about a person or relationship wouldn't be one of my first excuses for stopping a relationship or friendship. Who would believe it? It's strange that she did undergo this treatment and this happened (which is one of the side effects). Reminds me if this movie that I want to see that's a true story called "The Vow". This guys wife loses all memory of him and their relationship after a car accident and being in a coma. The brain is a strange thing. No telling what electricity can do to it.
 
I am male and I think valentine's day is just another invention to do something. People like having 'special' days even though they are pretty much alike, I would understand it if they were basing on the moon or our position to the sun, but the day of the lovers? It can be any day, there is no need to make it 'official'.
 
It's a nice day to be with my little valentine - my dog, Chico. :O) I give him extra hugs, kisses and treats on that day. :)
 
Grumpy Cat said:
Who would claim what she has if it wasn't true? Saying I didn't remember anything about a person or relationship wouldn't be one of my first excuses for stopping a relationship or friendship. Who would believe it? It's strange that she did undergo this treatment and this happened (which is one of the side effects). Reminds me if this movie that I want to see that's a true story called "The Vow". This guys wife loses all memory of him and their relationship after a car accident and being in a coma. The brain is a strange thing. No telling what electricity can do to it.
Click to expand...
Could be true, or it could be a partial truth exaggerated (i.e. she did forget some things, but not everything) because she didn't know how to be honest about all her feelings changing, and that was the easier explanation that precludes uncomfortable discussions. Quite possibly her intense attraction and neediness was linked to the depression (i.e. needing someone for validation and using sex to get that) she received ECT for, and when she was less depressed, she didn't feel the same way.

Sorry to be a downer, but it seems likely to me, as I have observed both of these behaviors (people making an excuse to shut a person out when they don't want to be reminded of a relationship, and women with low self-esteem using sex for emotional validation).

But I guess you can't know for sure unless you ask. I guess it's also possibly something went horribly wrong with the ECT. He did say she went in for 6 weeks rather than 2?
 
Yes, it's post-Valentine's Day for this year, but there will probably be another next year.

I liked making Valentines in grade school and decorating a box to have at school to receive cards.
I remember only 2 Valentines distinctly.
1. A boy gave me a red sweatshirt, with "Love, " his name, and the year written on the inside. My mother said it was inappropriate for a boy to give a girl clothing.
2. My husband gave me a card that said "We've been everything else. We may as well be Valentines."

I am working on an Almost All Occasion Card (about 12 x 12 inches) to send my friend sometime this year.
It has references to most holidays (Christmas, Hanukkah, Valentines, Hallowe'en...etc) on it.
Suitable for framing.
Or not.
 
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Valentine's Day was nothing more than a ploy dreamed up by Victorian greeting cards manufacturers as an aid to increasing sales of their products. It has no meaning for me whatsoever. I am male. I have no significant or insignificant other nor do I want one.
 
BIMOG said:
Valentine's Day was nothing more than a ploy dreamed up by Victorian greeting cards manufacturers as an aid to increasing sales of their products. It has no meaning for me whatsoever. I am male. I have no significant or insignificant other nor do I want one.
Click to expand...
Apparently "The day was first associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished," but it is true that greeting cards had to do with the popularization of Valentine's day some 500 years or so later, as when the cards were mass produced, it became possible to send Valentine's anonymously (which made them more popular, etc. etc.). I'm sure the original Valentine's Day was quite different.

I replied not so much because I'm any expert on the history of Valentine's Day (the wikipedia citation should be enough to indicate I'm not), but because I had a long-standing argument with an ex about this. I maintained that holidays (and any shared meaning, for that matter, from words to social groupings) were social creations where a day is made special by distinguishing it from other days and performing rituals, and that you can opt in or opt out of commercialization, but I would like to celebrate holidays for the sake of having a 'special day'. "It is what you make it," basically. He felt it was artificial. (Obviously this can go back and forth a bit further, but that's the gist of it.)

So one Valentine's Day, while we were half a world a part, I was determined to give him something I created myself with no commercialization whatsoever. I was...not at my best, and the final product would absolutely humiliate me if it ever saw the light of day. But I guess humiliating myself worked. This February, four years after the initial argument, he finally wished me happy Valentine's Day. :eek:

So, you never know. That said, if you have no need for a relationship, more power to you, and I wouldn't dream of convincing you otherwise.
 
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