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Unapologetically self

Voltaic

Plaidhiker@youtube
Hello, again!

What a time it has been. Lovely, yet in a horrifyingly tragic sort of way. Tragedy being a combination of good and bad, inter-working in contrast of each other.
both noteworthy of equal mention.

Who I am today, the good and bad, is built off the bad and good of who I was, and how the chaos of life has interacted with me.

Is it fair to say that horrible things that happened, shouldn’t have happened, when it was instrumental in creating the person I am proud of being today?

Anyways…

Ima dun trying 2 fit in.

It has been made evident by my attempts towards a level of conformity, that fitting into the crowd may not be a reasonable possibility.

I can fit in, at least until I open my mouth.

I can open my mouth and move it in the way to be most accepted, until I, in need of expression of self, start to stand out like a soar thumb.

I’m often ostracized, found outside, looking in.

In the past my attempts to join the fire, have been unsuccessful.

Welp, if so…


IMG_7532.jpeg


‘Oscar Schindler, didn’t sit down at an occupied table, but sat his own, and intrigued others towards him.’

Confidence in self is overpowered.

It is not that I overcame social anxiety, I came to a realization that the opinions of strangers is of little consequence in my life. Let them think what they think, as I will do the same with no negation of either or’s perspective on self.

I have become confident in my abilities, that I no longer seek to hide for the sake of an impossible task of conformity.

‘What would they think’ has been pushed towards, ‘what do I think’

both social ostracization, and a ‘hurtful solitude’ have pushed me into developing a balanced sense of self more skewed towards a self sense of self.

I refuse to betray myself to unsuccessfully try to be accepted.


Se vsanistiki monaxia mia utopia den eínai pia uo topos ston enan eafto.
Außerhalb der Pfanne steht der Außenseiter über dem Feuer des letzten Mannes
 
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It is a good thing to have an understanding of one's self and acceptance. It removes a significant amount of stress and can actually create some "calmness of the mind".

That said, we still must interact with the world and the people within. There are still cultural and social norms. One can still have this calm acceptance of oneself and yet, still, find ourselves behaving within these cultural and social norms. I do this every day. Many of my close co-workers know I have autism, but I am also a medical professional, a leader, a mentor, an educator. As such, I simply cannot ignore my behavior. In other words, it's not one thing or the other, but rather both can hold true. I think the difference here is that I am not going to allow myself to be anxious and self-conscious, worrying about other's acceptance or what they think of me to the point where it affects my mental health.

If you are a positive, outward thinker around others, most people will reciprocate in kind, sometimes in subtle ways, but they will. The more you receive this positivity, the less social anxiety you will have.
 
It is a good thing to have an understanding of one's self and acceptance. It removes a significant amount of stress and can actually create some "calmness of the mind".

That said, we still must interact with the world and the people within. There are still cultural and social norms. One can still have this calm acceptance of oneself and yet, still, find ourselves behaving within these cultural and social norms. I do this every day. Many of my close co-workers know I have autism, but I am also a medical professional, a leader, a mentor, an educator. As such, I simply cannot ignore my behavior. In other words, it's not one thing or the other, but rather both can hold true. I think the difference here is that I am not going to allow myself to be anxious and self-conscious, worrying about other's acceptance or what they think of me to the point where it affects my mental health.

If you are a positive, outward thinker around others, most people will reciprocate in kind, sometimes in subtle ways, but they will. The more you receive this positivity, the less social anxiety you will have.
I wish I was as easy to summarize in a poignant blog post. With what I said here, and a majority unspoken, it all comes down to a balance. Balance upon a knife edge that is constantly shifting.

Every choice, one has to affectively balance, his life ideals.

The problem with being principal is sometimes principal dictates you give up principal. (Ie trolly problem)

I wish life was a simple to write about. Whatever one says, it will be filled with holes, logical fallacies, and contradictions. This is the nature of summarization. Details to details to details in the hydra of complexity
 
Hello, again!



Se vsanistiki monaxia mia utopia den eínai pia uo topos ston enan eafto.
Außerhalb der Pfanne steht der Außenseiter über dem Feuer des letzten Mannes
Please translate both lines to English.

1712498988413.png
 
I've been true to my authentic self this far. I'm really glad I discovered the MBTI, it made me feel validated to be who I am. There is a place for me on planet earth, whether I'm well liked or accepted or not, I just have a less understood role in society.
 

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