This is kind of embarrassing, but I don't really know what I'm supposed to feel

[Dusty285]

I'm in the USA. Some products are not available worldwide. However, you might try, if you can buy them:

I routinely use a body wash that contains Salicylic Acid. This is an anti-bacterial agent. The only brand available locally is Body Clear by Neutrogena [It's not with all the body washes in the grocer's or drugstore; it's somewhere else, sold as a medication]. I have found a similar product by Dove when I was on a trip. My experience has been that it will help if used as an occasional bath item; better if used during every bath. I shower with soap and then wash again with the Body Wash. If you do this, be sure there is the "active Ingredient" Salicylic Acid. There are many many body washes and most are only soap & perfume.

I use baby rash ointment [Desitin, or store-brand equivalent] where skin always rubs skin. It prevents rashes and other problems. It sometimes helps on my feet, too. Or sometimes I use a foot powder on my feet.

An underarm deodorant of your preference.

Don't overuse any of these each time. It does not take much to do a proper job. We all use too much shampoo; The right way to shampoo is to use the least amount, [barely enough to fill the small hollow in middle of the palm of your hand?] of shampoo possible to get a little lather and wash your hair and then after rinsing do it all again. The first time takes away the basic grime and the second time deeply cleans your hair. This uses much less shampoo than most of us pour on, and cleans better. FWIW.

In the USA, at least, use some Borax when washing your clothes [1/2 cup in each load?]. Especially if you have public sewers and not a private septic system. Borax will kill bacteria and dust mites in your clothing and other fabrics. I also mix my dishwashing soap powder half-and-half with Borax. It still only needs a tablespoon of the mix in the primary soap cup and a half-tablespoon of the mix in the secondary soap cup [I know: you have "Hard Water" in your area. So does 95% of the world]. Soap film will not build up as quickly and the dishes will be more sterile. Mold will be reduced in the clothes washer and dishwasher, too.

All these things are suitable for both boys and girls.

 

[SusanLR]

I'm going against the grain, here. The girl was a dick to you. If you asked her how you smelled, she could answer. Unsolicited personal comments are RUDE. No excuses, its not you its them, this time chica.

That's pretty much how I would take that encounter too.
I would probably encounter her next time I saw her and ask why she told you that. Like you said, it's a gym and people get sweaty.
I'm all for being clean and fresh in normal environment, but, I would want to know why I was singled out in a gym.
Make her answer for her remark. It might not be a truth even. Being an Aspie, it might be going back to how they see someone different and wanted a little bully remark. You never know.

 

[Jet Weiss]

I have been told that I am unhygienic and smell bad when it isn't true just because the person saying it knows I have Asperger's. Some NTs have this stereotype about Auties/Aspies being unhygienic. That doesn't make it true.
This person could have just been saying it for the sake of making a rude comment and singling you out.

 

[C Flo]

I train... and I sweat a lot! When I first started a lot of people wouldn't spar with me because of how drenched I was.

I started wearing a compression shirt under my shirt and sometimes change my shirt if I get too drenched. I also keep a towel on hand. Seems to have helped a lot.

 

[Plant13]

That's pretty much how I would take that encounter too.
I would probably encounter her next time I saw her and ask why she told you that. Like you said, it's a gym and people get sweaty.
I'm all for being clean and fresh in normal environment, but, I would want to know why I was singled out in a gym.
Make her answer for her remark. It might not be a truth even. Being an Aspie, it might be going back to how they see someone different and wanted a little bully remark. You never know.

Disagree. What could you possibly draw, as a benefit, from a confrontation except further social difficulty, you'd be the 'bad one'. Here's where 'passing' kicks in. Do nothing. Smile exactly the way she did right at her, maybe, but that's it. Maybe don't shower before class. : ).

 

[Plant13]

Adding I think you were singled out. We often are. We radiate 'target'. I don't know why, but I'm pretty old and I can tell you adult groups are bullies and they act as a group, they find the weak one, its one of the patterns of my life. My age and older, acting in a pack manner, very disturbing but its a fact of life. I finally accepted it. Hence the home gym. Hence medicating at home. Not saying I am weak, but I am 'different', I draw the eye, I see people searching my face for 'what is it exactly that's different', but 'different' is enough to make me a target.

 

[Plant13]

My dad, an Aspie, said 'when in crisis, do nothing'. It was very sound scripting. Crisis being subjective, you decide this is critical and do nothing, its better than doing the wrong thing. I miss my dad. : (.

 

[Questella]

Don't go out of your way to be gross. I'm kind of floored by some of the things said here really. Most of you wouldn't want somebody to go out of there way to do something that bothered you just because you had told them that they were being little extra one time? Like if somebody was making some annoying sound that was bothering you and you asked them to not make so much noise would you want them to try to make less noise or make more noise just because they now know that it was bothering them?

Some people can smell better than others, me being pregnant right now I'm extremely bothered by lots of scents way more than I normally would be to the point where I get very nauseated by people. (OMG why do some people smell like diapers, wth is that, no I don't even want to know) Why I've never said anything to a single person because it's always been in places such as an appointment or a store, not a class where I would have to be around them again in the future I just try to get away from them asap.

Dude has been refusing to brush his teeth a lot recently and seriously smells like a carcass, which is totally nauseating to me as well. I can't even sit next to him or walk near him in the store and if speaks to me while facing towards me it's just too much. I've been having to hold things over my face a lot. And I know he's doing it to be a jerk to prove to me how much I bother him, but still, that's not the way to go about anything.

So just try to be cordial and see if there is something easy that you can do to keep yourself from literally making the people around from being disgusted and sick. Maybe that girl that said something was pregnant too and dealing with this omg why does everything around me smell so much all them time, you don't know.

Sorry if this seems like I'm trying to attack you here, I'm really not, you seemed polite and cordial about the situation already with your wondering what could be up and asking for advice/opinions; just some of the other comments have left me total stunned.

 

[Thursday]

While I can't comment on whether or not she was being rude or truthful without being in that situation, I do have an idea about the stinky part.

If you've done all you could to keep yourself groomed (as in shower whenever you've worked up a sweat + regular shower, dentist visit twice a year, brush teeth and floss every night, little deodorant), it might be your clothes.

Where do you dry your clothes? If you don't use a dryer and hang them indoors, they can absorb smells from inside the house. So any damp smell, old things, or the smell of pets may be absorbed by the fabric. That would make it stink once it gets sweaty.

Also, if it's in a shaded area that doesn't get fresh air, just drying slowly can make it smell a bit.

Sunlight is your best friend. Even if you have no choice but to hang clothes indoors, you can hang them beside a window that gets direct sunlight. UV rays help the clothes dry with a fresh smell and they won't stink as fast even if you sweat on them. The breeze also helps so they don't absorb indoor smells.

 

[Plant13]

My impression is this as a social situation of a high degree. The topic being a social anxiety. I still firmly believe the fault lies purely in bad manners. Advice on hygiene is all well and good but when (not if) this happens again, how should she deal with it?

 

[Thursday]

My impression is this as a social situation of a high degree. The topic being a social anxiety. I still firmly believe the fault lies purely in bad manners. Advice on hygiene is all well and good but when (not if) this happens again, how should she deal with it?

For me, I would also be embarassed, but I would probably check to see if the comment was warranted or not. In fairness to the girl who pointed it out, she did wait for an appropriate time to approach (as in, class was over), did it on her own without spreading the news to other group members or making a joke out of it, and also she did so with a smile -- something an NT might consider disarming.

I think the people here are only trying to troubleshoot...as in, we're trying to figure out if there really was a smell problem. If there is no hygiene issue, then the next consideration could be: what would drive that girl to single Juliet out and choose that particular rule to bring up? Not sure why anyone would approach a person to say they're stinky, randomly. Besides, the girl seemed stressed herself when she brought it up...which is why she left in a hurry.

It might just be a "how do you tell someone they have something stuck on their teeth?" kind of deal.

 

[SusanLR]

Disagree. What could you possibly draw, as a benefit, from a confrontation except further social difficulty, you'd be the 'bad one'. Here's where 'passing' kicks in. Do nothing. Smile exactly the way she did right at her, maybe, but that's it. Maybe don't shower before class. : ).

What I would draw as a benefit from a confrontation would be hopefully the truth and personal satisfaction. If the remark was said truthfully in her mind, that's fine and it shouldn't bother her to kindly explain. If it was some type of ridicule she found amusing/bullying, then she should feel embarassed when confronted. I'm not the 'passing' type anymore. I was as a child, but, it only made the bullys feel even more that they were doing something and getting away with it. No more. Resolution is my motto now.

 

[Plant13]

What I would draw as a benefit from a confrontation would be hopefully the truth and personal satisfaction. If the remark was said truthfully in her mind, that's fine and it shouldn't bother her to kindly explain. If it was some type of ridicule she found amusing/bullying, then she should feel embarassed when confronted. I'm not the 'passing' type anymore. I was as a child, but, it only made the bullys feel even more that they were doing something and getting away with it. No more. Resolution is my motto now.

Still stuck at the end of the 'they're talking about me and they hate me and I'm right' stage. At 57. I know. Took me a while. Me personally, if I followed through and asked WHY, the confrontation would get stuck in my head and I'd worry that like an old bone for weeks. Would it end in a hug and a new bestie? Probably not. How could it have ended with a new bestie? How did I mess that up? Should I go back to class? Will they remember me and stare? Should I bring presents for everyone? How much should I spend?

So for me, readdressing the situation would be disastrous. If I had said something at the initial point of contact in reply, well, I wouldn't be on this forum. Its just not simple or easy. Struggle on.

 

[SusanLR]

You are right, it's not simple or easy.
But, if I don't get an answer it will become the old bone that my mind won't let go of ever.
I don't want a new best friend from such, just the truth.
It's ultimately up to how each of us as individuals to handle life's situations and if we want to change...or not.
There has been a lot of different ideas presented on how to handle the situation. That's good. That is why she posted. Getting ideas from outside the box of self brings thoughts to ponder.
Pax.