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The dreadful, annoying, "how are you?"

I answer "peachy" or finer than frogs hair and offer "and you?" as my response
not a bit of trouble and always gets a smile
 
I have no problem with this because I know the contexts. If it's casual I usually say "How have you been?". If it's formal I say "I'm fine, and you?".
 
Keith said:
I have no problem with this because I know the contexts. If it's casual I usually say "How have you been?". If it's formal I say "I'm fine, and you?".
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I know the context, I just find it offensive. Especially when these same people criticize us for being rigid & inflexible, and obsessively attached to the repetition of nonsensical routines. Do they realize they're describing their own behavior more than ours? I have routines & systems to how I complete certain tasks, but they're based in efficiency & practicality … which they'd see if they would stop condescending to me & listen for five minutes. And my routines are far from inflexible, in fact I'm always looking for ways to make my processes more efficient & productive. These people are just butthurt because I won't do everything their way.
 
KassieMac said:
I know the context, I just find it offensive. Especially when these same people criticize us for being rigid & inflexible, and obsessively attached to the repetition of nonsensical routines. Do they realize they're describing their own behavior more than ours? I have routines & systems to how I complete certain tasks, but they're based in efficiency & practicality … which they'd see if they would stop condescending to me & listen for five minutes. And my routines are far from inflexible, in fact I'm always looking for ways to make my processes more efficient & productive. These people are just butthurt because I won't do everything their way.
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Exactly! I could not have said it better!

By the way, how have you been? :)
 
Peter A. said:
Exactly! I could not have said it better!

By the way, how have you been? :)
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Thanks! I'm ok, I just get really frustrated at these common misperceptions … and it's ironic that people here that I've only known for a couple of weeks know me better than the therapist I've been seeing for six years. </end rant>

It's good to hear from you, brightens up my insomnia. :tonguewink:
 
I just grunt "alright" or "still surviving" and try to leave it at that because if I let myself go I keep going on and on about all my problems and drive the person away, I rarely ask people how they are (only close friends or cousins) it seems rude and nosey.
 
I've become pretty jaded over the years to all the nonsense NT babble that I'm required to engage in in order to seem normal, but the "how are you" thing I find a bit sick-minded, to be honest. You're going through a rough time in your life? You need some help? Well, just look at all these people asking how you are! Here's your chance to talk about your struggles and get them off your chest! Oh wait, none of them actually care, and if you answer that question with anything other than "I'm fine, thanks" you're rude and intrustive. How dare you.

What is wrong with society?
 
What is wrong with society? Do you have a couple of years? Because I have a huge prepared list in my mind that I can rattle off to anyone who cares.
Society is sick, sick, sick.
 
Dark said:
I've become pretty jaded over the years to all the nonsense NT babble that I'm required to engage in in order to seem normal, but the "how are you" thing I find a bit sick-minded, to be honest. You're going through a rough time in your life? You need some help? Well, just look at all these people asking how you are! Here's your chance to talk about your struggles and get them off your chest! Oh wait, none of them actually care, and if you answer that question with anything other than "I'm fine, thanks" you're rude and intrustive. How dare you.

What is wrong with society?
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YES! This especially applies to people in church. They're always talking about "encouraging" and "reaching out," but then when the opportunity comes, they're all like, "Well, looks like it's time for me to go, it was nice talking to you, hope that works out" just to sound polite.
 
umbrellabeach said:
YES! This especially applies to people in church. They're always talking about "encouraging" and "reaching out," but then when the opportunity comes, they're all like, "Well, looks like it's time for me to go, it was nice talking to you, hope that works out" just to sound polite.
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It's just so hard to fake sincerity ...
 
Autism said:
What is wrong with society? Do you have a couple of years? Because I have a huge prepared list in my mind that I can rattle off to anyone who cares.
Society is sick, sick, sick.
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Man, isn't that the truth :/

umbrellabeach said:
YES! This especially applies to people in church. They're always talking about "encouraging" and "reaching out," but then when the opportunity comes, they're all like, "Well, looks like it's time for me to go, it was nice talking to you, hope that works out" just to sound polite.
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Right? I mean, I know the church is always going to have its problems, but you can't preach love and support and fellowship and then run the other way as soon as someone needs it from you.

Andrew Campbell said:
See, when I ask "how are you?" It's because I actually want to know hahaha.
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EXACTLY. I'd rather someone not ask due to not caring than someone asking DESPITE not caring.
 
I never know how to respond to the generic, "How are you?" Once when I was in a vocational program, a counselor had asked me, "How are you?" So far, so good. This actually happened many times, but one day when I wasn't particularly fine, I hesitated when he asked me. Apparently my silence made him nervous, so he prompted further, "How are you -- fine, huh, fine?" I resented his manner because it was almost as though he was desperate to hear that I was fine. I doubt he cared what the true answer would have been.

Speaking for myself, sometimes when I'm asked that question in the morning (as in an office setting), I might reply that it's too early for me to know that yet. Still, I find that, "How are you?" tends to be a rhetorical question. No one is listening for an answer. I'm a cyclist, and once I replied to the asker that I'd been hit by a car a couple of days prior. The asker proceeded with the conversation as though I'd said, "Fine." Sometimes when I actually care how the person is doing, I might ask simply, "How's life?" because that can warrant a more thoughtful response.
 
I went to my doctor's office yesterday for a stubborn pain in my jaw. I'm waiting in the exam room, he walks in and says "Hi, how are you?" I said "I'm ok." He replied "Well you can't be great or you wouldn't be here."

I have no idea if he actually misheard me, or if he was responding to what he thought I should've said (I get that a lot, especially when I ask questions ... but that's a tangent), or if he was joking ...

I chuckled as if he was joking and said "Well, I didn't say I was great!"

Very strange ...
 
Fox said:
I HATE this greeting. Not only because it's a greeting I use hundreds of times a day But because it's so stale and lame and many times a lie. I used to answer it honestly until I figured out it was an NT way to pretend they care when they really dont.

One time I ventured away from the scripr; very untypical of me. I told the customer I was tired and they just laughed nervously. What, can't handle a little honesty?
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This question almost killed my career.

At one point I was divorcing an alcoholic, had two under age 2 and an older child and myself- I was 25. How was I? Crazy, understandably so. I did not know not to answer with anything other than fine how are you? I shared too much and it wasn't professional. Haha. I did begin asking others, do you want the trust or the socially acceptable answer? It's a good way to filter those who are being polite vs those who want to know about my well being. It only took 26 years.... But how are you is finally comfortable. Lol
 
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Relevant to this thread, you may enjoy listening to the first 2:40 of ep214 of The iOS Show. These are great guys who are closer to understanding us than most NTs.

(You're welcome, of course, to listen to the rest if you're interested, but this is not an invitation to argue about different technologies or defend whatever you choose to use or buy … if you want to start a religious-type war over technologies, go start a different thread. I won't be baited by anyone who feels the need to defend their choices. Use whatever you like. But the first 2:40 relates to this thread and really doesn't mention technology … give it a chance.)
 
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