The criteria for lying

[Mia]

Much of my life has early on, been a naive and honest approach to life, people and events. I've recently looked up and taken tests about honesty and lying. And how to tell the difference between someone who lies and someone who's honest.

Although I've consistently told the truth in my life, not bluntly, carefully, dependent on the circumstances, it seems that I have given off the wrong signals.

Apparently, police and interrogators and psychologists think that:

People who lie preface something they are about to say with: "To be honest or to tell the truth."

Liars blink too much when they are talking.
(I blink too much, women in general blink more than average)

Liars give lots of detail, prefacing things with dates, time, names.

Liars respond to questions asked by repeating the question. In order to give them more time to make up a lie.
(Often repeat a question asked to give myself time to think)

Liars make direct eye contact and look away when they are lying.
(In that kind of situation, I would force myself to make eye contact and I look away when I can't do it anymore)

So the criteria for lying seems the opposite for me, it greatly concerns me that I wouldn't be believed under that kind of rigid system. Which can't be applied to everyone.

How would you fare with these kinds of perceptions of how to spot a liar?

 

[SignOfLazarus]

This terrifies me.

 

[ancusmitis]

Soon as people start doing that "human lie detector" crap to me, I start heading in the other direction. I rarely lie, and when I do I frequently admit it soon afterwards.

 

[Judge]

Some of the most basic reasons I struggled to learn to be able to look people in the eye.

But some other issues still plague me when it comes to job interviews. And to think I was once interviewed for a job that would have involved extensive background checks and polygraph exams had I continued with the process.

Absolutely. They are scary things that some or many of us must contend with, even though we can be totally honest.

 

[Progster]

I don't think it's necessarily the case that if you display these behaviours, people will automatically think that you are lying. These are things people generally do when they are anxious. If you do these things, people might just think that you are shy or underconfident.

 

[Suzanne]

I am unfortunately a good liar ( learned from infancy with abuse). I have a fantastically long memory and thus, can lie very easily but paradoxically, I have the need to be honest. It has got me into a lot of sticky situations due to being honest.

I must add, I lie when my back is up against a wall because it is worse to state the truth. Whereas, if someone tells me something about someone else, I have a strong urge to relate it to that person and am learning to curb my tongue and walk away when the urge is too strong! I asked my husband how I am with diplomacy and he said: dreadful and so, from that I have been teaching myself to be more diplomatic and so far so good.

The description you give is more a person who lies but not very good at it!

In this life we live, sometimes lying is not a crime, but a necessary act of survival.

I think of a classic one with intimacy. What if your partner is very sensitive about sexual things but is not very good in bed and asks you if you are satisfied? The honest answer is no, but you know it is unkind to say it and so, you just smile and say: yes baby it was great. That is lying but to save the other one dignity. Oh and you know that honestly serves no good purpose because that sensitive one will not take on board ways to improve, because they see it is as a direct insult against them!