Support for partners of people with Aspergers

[square_peg]

Hi everyone

Since my dx last year, I have found there is some support in my area for me as an adult living with Aspergers.

My partner studies psychology and has been involved in working with children with an ASD.

But we cannot seem to find any support anywhere for partners of people with Aspergers (i.e. My partner)..

We live in Australia so interested to hear from any Aussies who have found any support groups for these partners. Also interested to hear from people from other countries to find out if this is a common support gap or if there are places of support in your country for these partners.

 

[Naturalist]

I don't know of any at present (I am in the US) but I think it would be a very useful thing. My husband feels very alone sometimes and doesn't know what to do to help me.

 

[pax]

My husband and I went to a lecture years ago by a writer of books about aspergers (yeah that one) that was organised by one of these groups. It was (almost all) women who were there to bash their husbands, who may or may not have been aspies. I walked in there feeling positive and enthused and by the time I walked out in tears I was ready to grab a razor blade.

Tread carefully.

Edited to add - I am the aspie, my husband is the NT. I found it interesting that a woman collared me before the lecture (completely ignoring my more extroverted husband,) wondering if I was in 1 of "their groups" and if I was going to join - I had no idea what she was on about but the penny dropped later. I found it telling that she had assumed, despite my aspie demeanor , thatI was NT, and my husband aspie.

 

[square_peg]

That's disappointing to hear, Pax.

My partner has actually found some online forums which supposedly offered support to partners of people on the spectrum but it almost always apparently turns out to be threads bashing their ASD partners.

I was told by my therapist that relationships where one of the people is on the spectrum rarely succeed.. It's not much of a surprise if there is little to no support out there for the partners.

 

[Tom]

I have never participated in, or sought help in a real life support group. But then I am Aspie and don't like groups.

But from a distance, I always doubted their effectiveness and thought it too overused as an answer to everything. I can picture such a group being helpful but would guess it would depend upon it having an unusually good bunch of people involved. But as for the average group thrown together... even with Joe or Jane autism professional leading it, the comical (and rude) saying concerning a monkey and a football comes to mind.

Also, I wonder in this case about the utility of an NT seeking support from other struggling NTs. Aspies seeking Aspie support makes sense to me because Aspies are usually alone in a sea of NTs. They already know how NTs feel and react to them and what they will usually say. Meeting other Aspies is often something of a relevation. But as an NT what can you learn from other random NTs? From the above related experiences it seems only to commiserate on how things fall apart.

But they don't always or even most times I think. I believe the NT/AS bond has potential to be strong in unique ways the NT/NT relationship rarely is, and that helps counter the difficulties. There are many successful mixed long term/life relationships. So I think it is with these NTs, the ones that have learned to make it work, that you have the best chance of gaining useful insights and techniques.

And if you can't find one, you will of course have to help make one.

 

[pax]

I disagree that most AS/NT relationships fail. Perhaps she /he is speaking from the experience of the couples she/he sees in their practice which is quite different. One has to consider that 50 - 60% of NT first marriages fail, and the toll is higher on subsequent marriages. Lies, damn lies and statistics.