Stimming more in public since burnout recovery.

[Tony Ramirez]

I notice now I been stimming more openly in public places like pacing back and forth, humming to my self which I never use to do. I also notice when I talk to people now I maintain less eye contact. I also wander and look at things more.

What is wrong with me? I use to mask really good but now I am having much more difficulty in controlling it.

I do it now openly at my church and life groups but most know I am on the spectrum and accept it. I am just worried outside.

 

[thejuice]

Maybe your brain and body is looking after itself in a stressful time?

 

[Misery]

I'm sorta going through it as well, kinda.

Since my depression finally started to come apart, I've found I now stim like twice as much as I used to.

I have no idea why, but I cant stop myself from doing it.

Maybe it's sorta part of the recovery process? Like, the new feelings are better, but also overwhelming, so it causes more stimming? I dont know, but that's all I can think of.

 

[Hypnalis]

I wonder if you're more relaxed in general, but you've switched off your defenses instead of scaling back.

Inventory your stims, and order them by how intrusive they are to others. An example of more intrusive: humming is relatively intrusive within a small group. You may not get called out on it, but it will be noticed

Prefer less intrusive to more intrusive stims. If you can't choose, consider stimming somewhere else.

Even NT's low-key stim when they're bored: you see people playing with pens, doodling, making small origami objects, etc. I don't mean you should select from those OFC - the point is that the lower end of the more/less intrusive scale can be socially acceptable.

 

[Rodafina]

What is wrong with me? I use to mask really good but now I am having much more difficulty in controlling it.

I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with you, Tony. It takes a great deal of energy and effort to mask and suppress stims in public. After the last few weeks and your feelings of being burnt out, it makes sense that you are just too exhausted to keep it all in right now.

I had an embarrassing event in front of almost 30 coworkers recently and someone thought it would be humorous to video it and send it to me. I was shocked to see my display of stims right in front of everyone. At first I was humilated, but then I felt compassion for myself - I was so stressed in that moment I wasn't even aware of what my body was doing, but it was venting anxiety. Just like @thejuice said, I think my brain and body was looking after me in that moment.

 

[thejuice]

Oh that's mean of your coworker

 

[thejuice]

I wonder if you're more relaxed in general, but you've switched off your defenses instead of scaling back.

Inventory your stims, and order them by how intrusive they are to others. An example of more intrusive: humming is relatively intrusive within a small group. You may not get called out on it, but it will be noticed

Prefer less intrusive to more intrusive stims. If you can't choose, consider stimming somewhere else.

Even NT's low-key stim when they're bored: you see people playing with pens, doodling, making small origami objects, etc. I don't mean you should select from those OFC - the point is that the lower end of the more/less intrusive scale can be socially acceptable.

I used to tap on desk at school. I used to think it was because I was an obsessed drummer but it was more of a stim than drumming per se.

That ranks up there on "intrusive stims"

 

[vergil96]

I have noticed it last year that I lost the ability to make eye contact or it very much decreased last year when I had an episode of very strong and long term overstimulation. It lasted a few months if not closer to a full year. As for stimming, I don't normally repress it and haven't ever, but I rather fidget or walk back and forth. Eye contact and making appropriate facial expression is yet another thing to keep track of, I lacked the brain power for it for some time. I'd rate some kinds of activities as difficult and some as easy and for me, keeping track of facial expressions specifically is hard, it tends to be one of the first things that go missing when I'm tired or not feeling fine. The other thing is that my deficient hearing becomes a problem and i can't understand much in suboptimal conditions - when there are multiple people and/or some background noise, and someone is speaking not loudly and clearly enough for me. It's backwards with regard to what most people find easy and difficult. Programming and math are easy for me. All kinds of tinkering. So is driving or riding a bike. So when tired, I tend to still work, but withdraw. On top of interactions with others being difficult, I become more prone to sensory overwhelm, so I don't really want to go to places full of people.