still looking for my place

[HeyBroadway]

Hi folks. I'm a 30-something who was diagnosed with Asperger's 8 years ago. It's been a fight to get doctors I've seen since the diagnosis to acknowledge it. I'm AFAB, trans masculine, gender fluid. (If you aren't familiar with those terms, I was "assigned female at birth", have taken some steps to transition to a more masculine presentation like hormones, but consider my actual gender identity to be something that changes or is hard to pin down.)

Because I was raised female, I faced similar problems to female-presenting people when they miss getting a diagnosis as a child. It was there, but no one was equipped to see it in the late 1980's. But my longest obsession is also theatre, I grew up on stage. I've read articles that call autistic women chameleons but I believe I'm one as well. I used to be able to mask with the best of them.

Unfortunately, that was not something I could keep up. I have hit complete burnout. I can't hide my autistic traits from people. I had to cancel a theatre appearance, which I've never done before. I completely lost all ability to function. I've read this happen to other autistics, so I'm hoping to find some support here to deal with this.

I don't have a lot of medical support right now. My doctor is not very familiar with autism, especially in adults, but they say they don't think I have it. (Multiple autism specialists have said I do but that doesn't matter to them.) I've started to reach out to autism groups and it's helping. I felt like I was completely alone and couldn't make people understand me.

 

[Nitro]

Hi HeyBroadway

 

[Anthracite]

I bet there's a lot of AFABs on here who can relate sadly; I'm AFAB agender and no one noticed except one or two friends (I was rather clueless at that age and didn't pay attention). Luckily I didn't have to fight hard at all to get my diagnosis, just took a while.

Do you have any autistic adult meet-ups in your area? I started going to one just before I got my diagnosis and it's been brilliant.

 

[HeyBroadway]

There's a social group that meets in my city that I'm just trying to get myself out to. They only meet once a month though. I'm hunting for an advocacy organization in my city or nearby because I'd love to be part of something autistic-run.

 

[Anthracite]

There's a social group that meets in my city that I'm just trying to get myself out to. They only meet once a month though. I'm hunting for an advocacy organization in my city or nearby because I'd love to be part of something autistic-run.

Ah cool, our group meets up once a week and we go out on trips and stuff some weekends. Once you get some confidence up you could start something yourself, especially with you doing theatre. Best way to showcase is to show and all that.

 

[tree]

 

[Thinx]

Hi HeyBroadway welcome. I read your other thread too, sounds like a difficult time for you, it's good that you're here and I hope you will feel supported and better understood here. Burnout sounds distressing looking back I think I probably have experienced it without knowing what it was also not knowing I was ND. Yes there's still a concerning lack of understanding out there amongst medics however they're not generally known for being at the front line of developments even in their own field, plus they can be opinionated based on nothing much. But you were finding your way ok despite how the world is and this is just a temporary roadblock, I m sure. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Misery]

I'm curious: What does "AFAB" mean?

EDIT: Oh. The explanation of what it meant was RIGHT THERE.

I need glasses.

 

[Otenba]

Welcome to the forum! Great to have you here with us!

I'm so sad that your doctors are not acknowledging your diagnosis. Are you able to change doctor at all? If anyone on here knows a good doc that is autism friendly near you might be able to recommend them to you so you can change doctor get better care.

Best wishes.

 

[HeyBroadway]

Thanks, Otenba. There aren't many autism services or autism-friendly doctors at all where I live, unless you're a child. There is one support organization for adults but I was turned away for being "too high functioning".

I'm trying to be referred to a doctor more familiar with anxiety. I've seen that doctor once, and they understood how my autism and anxiety interacted, right away. For some reason my doctor doesn't want to refer me. Every time I ask she gives some non-committal answer like "that will take too long". It will take 3 months. I will still be me in 3 months. But I can't get really direct and blunt with her. For some reason if I let myself get too direct and blunt, doctors in the past have gotten offended and that's led to misdiagnosis. There's a social game aspect to trying to get a referral to another treatment or doctor that I just don't get.