mourn
Active Member
[Very long, I’m sorry, but could really use some help]
Hello all,
So I’ve done research of my own, but having severe anxiety (I’m on medication) and depression I often forget to think rationally about things and I guess I’m just looking for reassurance or something.
I’m NT for the most part dating a male with Aspergers and depression (both diagnosed), we’ve been dating for about 2 months and met online. A little background of him is that he’s been cheated on by every girl he’s dated. I am not a cheater and made it clear to him that I’m not and did all I could to make him feel comfortable and happy which seemed to work. But I knew that gaining his full trust and locking down the relationship would be a struggle because of his past, but I was confident because I am a honest person (I don’t get the point in lying, it was one of the things we bonded over).
3 weeks ago we deleted our dating profiles and things seemed great, I mean he didn’t text as much but I equated that to him getting more comfortable, but that didn’t stop my anxiety from taking over. He’d reassure me whenever I felt anxious and it made me feel better.
When we’re together in person it’s amazing. We’d talk about doing things togeher in the future, meeting my parents, I met his best friend recently and his BF said how he approved of our relationship, and he’d act playfully possessive of me (grabbing my butt and growling at cars passing by, he’s a weirdo but that’s why I like him). He’d basically do things that made me think he wanted to be together. But when we’re apart now (wasn’t like this during the beginning of our relationship) he says he’s too busy, he’s been feeling weird (stressed and depressed), and his phone has been acting up to message and honestly I believe him. He even mentioned that he’s not good at texting and does it to his friend and family, which he does. I’d tell him I understand and he’d thank me for being understanding.
2 weeks ago, his dad’s girlfriend’s mom died and he felt very guilty about that and I reassured him and tried to be that rock. I wanted to bring up my feelings and how I wanted us to improve our communication, but didn’t want to add to the stress so I decided to tell him the next week...
However, that next week, his best friend gets in a car crash. I stay with him until he finds out what hospital he’s in and he’s thankful that I was that rock for him and I told him to keep me up to date. Which he did a little. I still hadn’t told him about my feelings and wanting to work on communication, but I did mention to him that we had to talk about that and he said of course.
A week later, last Wednesday we talked because I was feeling anxious, I told him about how I was scared he was going to ghost me and he reassured me, told me he was still there for me that he’s just been busy. I felt better and felt even more confident in our relationship when he mentioned how we were going to do a costume together for the party me and my sister were gonna throw towards the end of the month. We were even planning on going to Six Flags with my friends next Monday.
Whenever I really needed to talk to him he was there for me and would always make me feel better. He told me he’d tell me when I started to annoy him and he says that he understand my feelings.
So I’m chilling, but then Friday there was a misunderstanding and he calls me and explains that he didn’t mean to make it seem like he was ignoring me. We talk and it’s like normal like great. Joking and everything. I mention that we needed to meet up tomorrow to talk about improving our relationship he said I know but it’s been hard because he has to meet up with his dad and he’s not sure if they’re gonna see each other. So I told him that we could figure it out in the morning.
Saturday comes, I message him to no response. I call and it goes to voicemail. I’m confused because things have been going great and I know he’d tell me if he were done with me because that’s the kind of person I got from him. We haven’t spoken since late Friday night. It’s been 5 days since we last spoke. I left a final message on his Snapchat and instagram (which he made Saturday and I found on my suggestions, but I’m not equating it to him wanting to leave) apologizing for my anxious behavior and explaining why I was acting that way. I told him I understand if he needs alone time, but to just let me know so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us.
Basically, I’m just worried. I’ve read that going silent is normal for someone with aspergers when they feel overwhelmed. I can imagine feeling overwhelmed dealing with someone as anxious as I am. He mentioned how stress he felt because of work, moving out, family, his friend, and I’m guessing he’s been feeling depressed as well because of everything going on. Not to mention dating someone new, me. So I’m just guessing he’s cooling down before dealing with our issues.
We just recently got out of the honeymoon phase so I believe that both of us can feel a shift in the dynamic. We both are slowly moving towards being boyfriend and girlfriend but him withdrawing made me anxious and made me take it personally. I just want to know if this is actually normal behavior. I seriously plan on getting a better hold of my anxiety and writing down notes to reassure myself when I feel anxious about his behavior. I thought I was past having my anxiety take over, but I guess not. Like I said our relationship is great, he’s so understanding, sweet, and is always telling me how great I am and how he likes being with me that’s why I can’t imagine this silence is due to him being done with me. Overwhelmed and annoyed, maybe, but not done.
So the question towards someone with aspergers: do you disengage when you feel overwhelmed by social interactions? How long does it take for you to contact people after isolating yourself? If you’ve been in a relationship, do you pull away when feeling overwhelmed by relationshipy issues?
And the questions towards NT folks: have you dealt with something similar to my situation? What do you recommend doing during these moments of silence?
Sorry this is so long, but as I said I have anxiety and I’m socially awkward so whenever I enter a situation I don’t understand, I do research. I’m scared that he grew frustrated with me without telling me and I wasn’t able to show that I can change and improve. I just wanted to work out a system for our communication and try and understand him more.
Thanks and sorry again for this veeeerrryyy long post lol
Hello all,
So I’ve done research of my own, but having severe anxiety (I’m on medication) and depression I often forget to think rationally about things and I guess I’m just looking for reassurance or something.
I’m NT for the most part dating a male with Aspergers and depression (both diagnosed), we’ve been dating for about 2 months and met online. A little background of him is that he’s been cheated on by every girl he’s dated. I am not a cheater and made it clear to him that I’m not and did all I could to make him feel comfortable and happy which seemed to work. But I knew that gaining his full trust and locking down the relationship would be a struggle because of his past, but I was confident because I am a honest person (I don’t get the point in lying, it was one of the things we bonded over).
3 weeks ago we deleted our dating profiles and things seemed great, I mean he didn’t text as much but I equated that to him getting more comfortable, but that didn’t stop my anxiety from taking over. He’d reassure me whenever I felt anxious and it made me feel better.
When we’re together in person it’s amazing. We’d talk about doing things togeher in the future, meeting my parents, I met his best friend recently and his BF said how he approved of our relationship, and he’d act playfully possessive of me (grabbing my butt and growling at cars passing by, he’s a weirdo but that’s why I like him). He’d basically do things that made me think he wanted to be together. But when we’re apart now (wasn’t like this during the beginning of our relationship) he says he’s too busy, he’s been feeling weird (stressed and depressed), and his phone has been acting up to message and honestly I believe him. He even mentioned that he’s not good at texting and does it to his friend and family, which he does. I’d tell him I understand and he’d thank me for being understanding.
2 weeks ago, his dad’s girlfriend’s mom died and he felt very guilty about that and I reassured him and tried to be that rock. I wanted to bring up my feelings and how I wanted us to improve our communication, but didn’t want to add to the stress so I decided to tell him the next week...
However, that next week, his best friend gets in a car crash. I stay with him until he finds out what hospital he’s in and he’s thankful that I was that rock for him and I told him to keep me up to date. Which he did a little. I still hadn’t told him about my feelings and wanting to work on communication, but I did mention to him that we had to talk about that and he said of course.
A week later, last Wednesday we talked because I was feeling anxious, I told him about how I was scared he was going to ghost me and he reassured me, told me he was still there for me that he’s just been busy. I felt better and felt even more confident in our relationship when he mentioned how we were going to do a costume together for the party me and my sister were gonna throw towards the end of the month. We were even planning on going to Six Flags with my friends next Monday.
Whenever I really needed to talk to him he was there for me and would always make me feel better. He told me he’d tell me when I started to annoy him and he says that he understand my feelings.
So I’m chilling, but then Friday there was a misunderstanding and he calls me and explains that he didn’t mean to make it seem like he was ignoring me. We talk and it’s like normal like great. Joking and everything. I mention that we needed to meet up tomorrow to talk about improving our relationship he said I know but it’s been hard because he has to meet up with his dad and he’s not sure if they’re gonna see each other. So I told him that we could figure it out in the morning.
Saturday comes, I message him to no response. I call and it goes to voicemail. I’m confused because things have been going great and I know he’d tell me if he were done with me because that’s the kind of person I got from him. We haven’t spoken since late Friday night. It’s been 5 days since we last spoke. I left a final message on his Snapchat and instagram (which he made Saturday and I found on my suggestions, but I’m not equating it to him wanting to leave) apologizing for my anxious behavior and explaining why I was acting that way. I told him I understand if he needs alone time, but to just let me know so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us.
Basically, I’m just worried. I’ve read that going silent is normal for someone with aspergers when they feel overwhelmed. I can imagine feeling overwhelmed dealing with someone as anxious as I am. He mentioned how stress he felt because of work, moving out, family, his friend, and I’m guessing he’s been feeling depressed as well because of everything going on. Not to mention dating someone new, me. So I’m just guessing he’s cooling down before dealing with our issues.
We just recently got out of the honeymoon phase so I believe that both of us can feel a shift in the dynamic. We both are slowly moving towards being boyfriend and girlfriend but him withdrawing made me anxious and made me take it personally. I just want to know if this is actually normal behavior. I seriously plan on getting a better hold of my anxiety and writing down notes to reassure myself when I feel anxious about his behavior. I thought I was past having my anxiety take over, but I guess not. Like I said our relationship is great, he’s so understanding, sweet, and is always telling me how great I am and how he likes being with me that’s why I can’t imagine this silence is due to him being done with me. Overwhelmed and annoyed, maybe, but not done.
So the question towards someone with aspergers: do you disengage when you feel overwhelmed by social interactions? How long does it take for you to contact people after isolating yourself? If you’ve been in a relationship, do you pull away when feeling overwhelmed by relationshipy issues?
And the questions towards NT folks: have you dealt with something similar to my situation? What do you recommend doing during these moments of silence?
Sorry this is so long, but as I said I have anxiety and I’m socially awkward so whenever I enter a situation I don’t understand, I do research. I’m scared that he grew frustrated with me without telling me and I wasn’t able to show that I can change and improve. I just wanted to work out a system for our communication and try and understand him more.
Thanks and sorry again for this veeeerrryyy long post lol