Shutdowns overlooked in childhood.

[not_an_orange_cat]

I really appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you for sharing your experiences and advice and kindness!

Yep, has been happening to me all my life. I have always called it a "lockup". Never knew there was a term for it. I just knew it happened to me a lot - still. It happens anytime someone is demanding an answer from me faster than I can respond, or if I'm being yelled at; especially if by more than one person.

In any event, don't worry. Yes, it is quite an undesirable inconvenience but it is not a successful life deal breaker. I'm currently 71 years old and retired from a career that I'm very proud of. The key is to seek jobs that your traits compliment and does not have elements that you are sensitive to. Took me a very long time, but I finally found it.

As @Xinyta says, you are Normal. Have to understand that "normal" is a very broad term.

Note: any diagnosis is an opinion regardless of credentials. May or may not be a fact.

I know it is off-topic, but may I ask what career you found that was compatible with your disposition? And what you tried that didn't work?

"Lockup" is an apt way to put it. It might also be similar to the "freeze" response to stress. Kind of like how prey animals will suddenly go rigid when attacked. The more I think about it, the more it does resemble "prey" behavior. Like, when overwhelmed or in pain, I'd hide under beds or in closets - and I mean, I did that even when I was a teenager, not a toddler.

As an adult, I'm better able to leave situations before it gets to that level, but as a child, I had much less control over my environment and less understanding about what would cause those events. Yet, even as an adult, I can feel it close if I'm in crowded or overstimulating places. Just the other day, I almost collapsed in a department store because of the unnatural lights and all the stuff everywhere and people and the noise - I just didn't have the reserves that day to handle it.

Something interesting to note: My cat Sasha did this once, when she was a kitten, after bathing her for the first time. She suddenly went limp and wouldn't move for 15 minutes. At first, I thought I injured her somehow, but I think she got way too stressed. I didn't realize trying to bathe her could be so traumatic, and felt guilty about it, and never bathed her again except if it was a dire need like fleas (and then I used a pan rather than put her in the bathtub and was extra slow with introducing her to the water, letting her sniff everything for a long time... she was a very sensitive cat whom would actually visibly look upset if she accidently scratched me).

Yet, her sister, whom I bathed just before her, had no problem with it except being a bit vocal and trying to jump out a couple times. Her sister didn't give a hoot about anything like that, and no cat before Sasha did that either, so I was very unprepared for that response.

I don't begrudge the therapist for reacting with shock. She was actually in-training, and I'm sure it was a bit traumatic and a learning experience for her, as well.

 

[Ken]

I know it is off-topic, but may I ask what career you found that was compatible with your disposition? And what you tried that didn't work?

I will try to keep this short!
To start, I was born with an obsession for anything electronic. I was fascinated and obsessed with learning how it works - which got me into a lot of trouble. That obsession became obvious when I was about 4 years old. After too many sparks, pops and smoke, my parents prohibited me from doing anything with electronics. But, regardless of punishment, I did it anyway. I was incapable of abstaining.

What I learned as a child lead to getting jobs repairing electronics; radios, TVs, stereos, etc. But, that always involved dealing with customers, which was always disastrous. It was clear even to me, that something was very wrong with me. Never heard of autism until I was in my 60's. It took many years to finally learn that I can't do any job that involved dealing with the public or even working in an environment with other people.

Finally, my dream job was found at a contract electronics design firm. I got my own private lab. I was hired to build prototypes for the engineers to test their designs following their schematics and instructions. I almost got fired due to one of my autistic traits; I started telling the engineers about their design flaws and how to fix them. That did not go over well. But, before I was actually fired, they realized that I was always right. It was found that when they made the changes, the prototyping phase of the project was much shorter with a much higher reliability. The boss decided to require all engineers to pass their designs by me before proceeding. Then the boss promoted me to senior design engineer. I was the only engineer there without a degree. I could not handle college because of my crippling social anxiety. I can learn, but I can't be taught. Teaching is a social effort. It's really hard to learn anything while in a state of "lockup". Apparently, the boss understood that I could not tolerate or work in a busy environment with other people - he put a Do Not Disturb sign on my door.

 

[not_an_orange_cat]

I got my own private lab.

That sounds like a dream! I worked solitarily in a private lab for a year; it was easily the most compatible job I'd ever landed, but unfortunately, it was contingent on a contract and the position lost funding, so I had to move on.