Shutdown-proofing?

[Warmheart]

I'm not sure if I am disappointed in myself, creeped out, or just feeling alone in this. This morning I got two pieces of quite bad news. The next thing I know, it's the afternoon, I was profoundly confused, slowed down, mentally fogged, and vaguely aware that something was very wrong. I was in a shutdown. Due to disassociation. I had no idea if I had eaten, drank anything, or even gone pee today. It felt like being held under the sea in a groggy nightmare where there's a vague sense of urgency. I wasn't able to do much at all. Little awareness of anything at all beyond my own fogged-out inner world. No idea of my own body's needs, even. No ability to do anything at all, beyond just be. SCARY.

I eventually did manage to make myself get a drink, go potty, and get a small bit of food. Then, I walked for 5 minutes in fresh air with my dog. I stayed quiet in the house afterward. I'm doing better now.

How can someone be so fragile? This has happened, off and on, my whole life. Lots of amnesia from shutdowns, even as a little kid. Can anything make us more resilient? Even being in a cafe with glare from windows, background chatter, and bustling servers (simple sensory stuff) can make shutdown start for me. Can anything increase resilience?

When this lasts a few weeks instead of a few hours, it can make running errands on foot and crossing streets dangerous, and apparently, adults with ASD, like kids, actually do wander. I'd love to hear if anyone's found a way to become more shutdown-proof!

 

[AsheSkyler]

I hope the bad news clears up and whatever those two items are turn back into good news. =(

Honestly, I have no idea how to build up a resistance to that kind of thing. While I do think there is a certain amount of flexibility everybody has on various topics, once the limit's hit, that's it. There's only so much any given person can achieve. If you're at home and safe when the shutdowns hit, and you know from past experience you won't go anywhere or do anything dangerous, I'd just indulge the shutdown and let your mind reboot when ready. Pet the dog for a few hours or whatever autopilot gets you through it. Sometimes it can be refreshing just to roll with it.
As for the not-so-safe public types, I'd try to keep a wingman on hand to help keep you in check so you don't walk into a streetlamp or something worse. (I get particularly clingy in parking lots because I hate, hate large moving machinery when I'm not safely in another piece of machinery myself and the buggers always seem to sneak up on me.) Is it possible your dog could serve as a wingman? I saw on a thread here once they have autistic people dogs trained in similar ways as blind people dogs. Even if it was something as simple as your dog understanding to avoid traffic would be a plus.

 

[Judge]

This reminds me much of the dynamics and considerations of sleep-walking of others. Something I've witnessed and thought was pretty strange or embarrassing at times, but nothing really serious. Although if you leave your house I know bad things can happen. But you're talking about prolonged shutdowns...not sleep-walking.

I just cannot recall an instance of my own shutdowns where I totally lost contact with everything around me, including my own physical senses. I can only say that I prefer going into shutdowns rather than any public meltdowns. But then I also see a shutdown as a process of regeneration...not necessarily a bad thing at all.

I've just come to see it as nature's way of us dealing with stress the best we can under certain circumstances. But to stop the process voluntarily? Hmmm....that would be news to me.

 

[Sarsaparilla]

I can relate to the feeling of being underwater but I don't experience dissociation with shutdowns. It sounds very frightening. I tend to meltdown more than shutdown although I do get shutdowns too.

For me I tend to shut down when I've done too much, am stressed out or overwhelmed. I find regular exercise and eating healthily has helped me be a bit more resilient but doesn't eliminate the problem altogether. Would other stress reduction type things help like meditation or relaxation? I don't do that as I dislike that sort of thing, but I know it does help some people.

I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="Warmheart, I'd love to hear if anyone's found a way to become more shutdown-proof![/QUOTE]

You might want to talk to Grumpy cat she's going through the same thing sort of. I don't know if my slowdowns are the same thing or not. Reducing stress seems to help white noise when sleeping, soft music to block out world in day time. Doing pleasant things trying to think on pleasant things. Bible helps me some, mostly just need time for mind to reset. I think with age you get tougher and it is less easy to be surprised, (blindsided), by life, as you have seen it all before.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I'm not sure if I am disappointed in myself, creeped out, or just feeling alone in this. This morning I got two pieces of quite bad news. The next thing I know, it's the afternoon, I was profoundly confused, slowed down, mentally fogged, and vaguely aware that something was very wrong. I was in a shutdown. Due to disassociation. I had no idea if I had eaten, drank anything, or even gone pee today. It felt like being held under the sea in a groggy nightmare where there's a vague sense of urgency. I wasn't able to do much at all. Little awareness of anything at all beyond my own fogged-out inner world. No idea of my own body's needs, even. No ability to do anything at all, beyond just be. SCARY.

I eventually did manage to make myself get a drink, go potty, and get a small bit of food. Then, I walked for 5 minutes in fresh air with my dog. I stayed quiet in the house afterward. I'm doing better now.

How can someone be so fragile? This has happened, off and on, my whole life. Lots of amnesia from shutdowns, even as a little kid. Can anything make us more resilient? Even being in a cafe with glare from windows, background chatter, and bustling servers (simple sensory stuff) can make shutdown start for me. Can anything increase resilience?

When this lasts a few weeks instead of a few hours, it can make running errands on foot and crossing streets dangerous, and apparently, adults with ASD, like kids, actually do wander. I'd love to hear if anyone's found a way to become more shutdown-proof!

If you want to discuss what the bad news was please PM me. As you know I've had some dissociation, but nothing as extreme except that one time in the car, but I was "ok" in 20 minutes. I can't help with this one except to listen if you want to talk. I'll pray for you, Warmheart.

 

[Warmheart]

NurseAngela, thank you for your kindness. Thank you everyone for your input. I guess I was hoping for some way to strengthen myself. AsheSkyler, I'm pretty much alone when out and about. If I'm in a shutdown in public, my dog Grimm would then be at risk, as nobody would be looking out for him. Even guide dogs have very aware, involved handlers in their blind partners. But gosh is he a super therapy dog to help ease shutdowns when I'm at home! Thanks for reminding me of that.

I see an ASD therapist next week for the first time. If I learn a way to ease shutdowns, I'll share it with everyone here. Thank you all for your kindness!

 

[watersprite]

First of all Warmheart, I hope the bad news isn't too terrible. I've had that kind of bad news. Then, shutdown is unavoidable and shouldn't be. If that makes sense.
This past 6 months, I've had to do things that usually would have sent me into shutdown. I still suffer from that. But at the risk of stating the obvious, in between doing necessary but overwhelming activities, I stay at home and do pretty much nothing at all. I cook and shop and work but extremely minimalism and then dive into quietude.

 

[AsheSkyler]

NurseAngela, thank you for your kindness. Thank you everyone for your input. I guess I was hoping for some way to strengthen myself. AsheSkyler, I'm pretty much alone when out and about. If I'm in a shutdown in public, my dog Grimm would then be at risk, as nobody would be looking out for him. Even guide dogs have very aware, involved handlers in their blind partners. But gosh is he a super therapy dog to help ease shutdowns when I'm at home! Thanks for reminding me of that.

I see an ASD therapist next week for the first time. If I learn a way to ease shutdowns, I'll share it with everyone here. Thank you all for your kindness!

Hrm, true that. It's only in rare animals that they take charge, like one horse that stubbornly stood over a girl having a seizure and kept any other horses from getting too close to her until help got there, or that gorilla that kept a toddler safe that fell in her pen at the zoo until the handlers got there (but I think there was one case they had to tranq the gorilla because she wouldn't even let the handlers near her vulnerable charge!). But, aye, that doesn't take away from the fact that he is good for snuggles and stuff!

 

[Naturalist]

I am sorry to hear you have bad news.

I have shutdowns regularly even as a result of positive news. It often just seems to overwhelm me. Even though many good things have happened recently at work, I am very nearly nonfunctional at this point, because there are too many things happening at once, and I cannot process it mentally. Especially since I also have some negative family-related stress, so I am battered by conflicting positive-negative emotions.

I do agree with the other posts, I have found that the best way to get past the shutdown quickly is to indulge it a little. Of course, you have to take care of yourself. I have sometimes set an alarm which will go off a few times during the day. Attached to the alarm is a short list: eat, drink, bathroom, etc. This way I don't forget to do necessary things to take care of myself. Now that I have an iPad, I can have reminders which are very specific to certain tasks, with alert sounds which are not too jarring. So that at 7 am I remember to eat breakfast; at noon I get lunch; at 6 pm I eat dinner; at 10pm I go to bed etc. On certain days there are also reminders to call my parents, pick up my son from school, etc.

Funny that you should mention the wandering. I do that frequently, too, and have found myself in some pretty dangerous situations as a result of it. I have often thought it would help if I had a dog, though, because animals do tend to look out for their owners. What really scares me is driving. I often don't have much choice, but when I am in a shutdown I don't feel abe to drive--I often can't even recall which is the acceleration and which is the brake pedal. Recently I have opted to take the city bus instead, but sometimes I miss my stop and end up somewhere unfamiliar!

 

[Warmheart]

Naturalist, we sound very much alike in this! My deepest compassion as you manage driving, working at a job, being a parent, and caring for yourself. You really do seem to know where I'm coming from. I wish you an easier slide through your current bumpy times.

I have never read of anyone else but me having this wandering. It sure is scary. I hope Naturalist, that you are safe when driving. I hear you about missing the stop on the bus!

Eat, drink, potty, fresh air. That seems to be what I need to remember to do when the shutdowns get so deep. Strange that this state of fogginess can get so deep that one loses awareness of one's own body's needs.

Kestrel, minimizing obligations makes sense. It's a good reminder, thank you.

AsheSkyler, Grimm does actually help in a way, as he gets me outdoors in fresh air for a bit. It seems to help.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="Warmheart, I have never read of anyone else but me having this wandering. It sure is scary. I hope Naturalist, that you are safe when driving. I hear you about missing the stop on the bus! [/QUOTE]
Hi I think the wandering thing is called Ienstiens? disease, so you're in good company. But maybe like me you both have a strong internal world. I tend to step into my mind to think and lose track of the physical world. It can cause problems but it also seems to lend certain mental powers and more creativity, if harnessed properly one can bend the world with it a little.

 

[Naturalist]

Maelstrom, that is interesting information, I will search it. Warmheart, thank you, I do have a few friends who are willing to give me rides as well, if I have to pull over and stop driving. Thank you for the concern. I would like to move somewhere that would allow me to cease driving altogether, but it hasn't been possible yet.

Warmheart, are you feeling better now? I hope you have had a chance to relax a bit and let things settle. I am getting the minimum done this week and next so that I can take everything at my own speed, and it is helping, although the "underwater" feeling hasn't quite dissipated yet. I hope you have been able to do the same.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="Naturalist, [/QUOTE]

Oh no, now my humor has gotten my self in trouble again. I um, meant Albert Ienstiens disease, (sorry can't spell), and the only cure I know of is a small note pad and a pen, or death. I prefer the note pad and pen personally, not to anxious to try the latter just yet.....but some people may think I'm being too picky.

If you don't want to drive i hear it is possible over my way in Portland Oregon, however you will feel like you're underwater all the time. Ha ha oh um sorry!

 

[watersprite]

Warmheart I was just going through my watched threads, and wondering if you are doing better? I hope so.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

kestrel beat me to it! I too am wondering.

I have experienced similar "shutdowns" but I've had a lot of practice building up an Auto-Pilot with survival behaviors, like getting to a safe "crash" zone. This was more frequent when I was younger. Not happening so much anymore.

 

[CloudRomy]

I think what you are describing is similar to when I go into what I call a trance-like state. I shutdown and seem unable to pull myself back to the here and now, executive function is impaired and sometimes the ability to even move feels beyond me. In the past I have sat staring into space for some considerable time before being able to proceed in my day. Until I was diagnosed with Asperger's I thought this was severe depression but now I think it is related to overload. As Naturalist suggests using a timer or alerts on your phone can really help. However I appreciate that even with them one can feel so lost that when they go off you silence them and stay in the same predicament. I think these things run a natural length of time and we probably shut down to be able to cope with the stressors or overwhelm. If you are circumstantially able I think taking the time out you need and not berating yourself for it is a helpful approach. When there are other concurrent demands by other people/circumstances I have no idea what to suggest because I have found nothing other than being on my own and resting up really goes any way to helping.

 

[Tom]

I can't really help as I only get shutdowns extremely rarely. Not enough to have developed a counter, and they are not nearly as intense as you describe. The only thing I instinctively do is leave the environment causing the shutdown, if possible.

But reading your description brought to mind the image of an engine stalling. And I wonder if one could devise a 'start-up' routine for your mind and body. A sequence of steps that first clears out the blockage (perhaps a walk or shower) and then reboots the brain in a slow logical way ( I have no idea what to suggest, except to experiment, a video game, a crossword puzzle, music, clean a certain room, etc...). I have a feeling it would need both physical and mental elements.