Selective Mutism

[Selectivemute122]

I don't talk at school and my psychologist has been giving me social anxiety techniques to reduce anxiety. I've made great progress in talking outside of school but for some reason overall I don't want to talk to people much anxiety or no anxiety. People I consider myself comfortable with like my family, I rarely speak to despite a lack of an anxiety limitation there. Does Aspergers account for this? I read about other things like Schizotypy and Schiozoids but of course I'm too young to be given a personality disorder though.

 

[Arashi222]

I have struggled with that also. Especially when I was in school There was nothing you could tempt me with to make me talk at when I was in school I would just clam up and stare at my hands or write what I wanted to say on a piece of paper. In college it was less difficult to get away with it because you don't have to say anything unless you want to. I do talk at work because I have to. But I get super anxious and with people I am very familiar with I will be very quiet but slightly more talkative. I think we over think things and play things over in our heads about how things will or won't go and that might be why we end up being mute sometimes.

 

[Ravkrat]

for some reason I never really talk when I'm near family, though I have an idea has to why that is. when i was in college(one semester only -.-) i didnt even talk unless I had to ask one of my professors a question..even then I doubt they heard me,funnily enough..when someone doesnt use their voice you would think it would go softer right? well for some reason mine decided to go deeper to the point where people thought I was 50-ish, was using voice-comm in some games.

 

[Selectivemute122]

I was taught not to think out situations and to be more spontaneous. I used this technique for other parts of my life and I found it quite helpful.
My voice changes a lot, they are called speech registers when you talk softly to a parent and deeply to someone younger. People at my school are obsessed with hearing my voice, it's fairly deep but I think they exaggerate it too much, which makes me nervous. Everyone seems to be expecting some kind of spectacular voice and I don't think I have that but they do based on what they heard. I don't care much about it anymore though.
Unstructured conversations never really happen for me verbally, it's intimidating to some people because when I say something, I really have something to say. I don't like small talk and the way I just walk up to someone and tell them something important every time might make them uneasy.

 

[Daniel]

Looking back, I'd have to say I do the selective mutism thing. If I don't feel like talking, I won't. I don't always have something to say. I guess I have three things to say about this topic!

1. A few years back, I started getting into Human Design, which is a synthesis of the Chakras, I Ching, Kabbalah Tree of Life and Astrology that provides insight into a person's unique energy (in a testable way). Whether you're into that sort of thing or not, I got a lot of insight from it. The relevant part--the Throat Chakra (or in HD, Throat Center) is where we communicate and make things manifest. You either have consistent energy in a Center or you don't.

I don't have consistent Throat energy. I generally don't have immediate responses to things. I have to wait and let things absorb and process. When I do have something to say--look out! (On two separate occasions I made people leave parties by talking about how weird Scientology is! I am no longer proud of that.)

2. I'm comfortable with silence. Some other people aren't, and I'm starting to become more aware of this. I have a small reservoir of energy I can use to simulate small talk, but it's exhausting. If someone can provide at least half the energy in the conversation--especially the topic--and do their part to keep the conversation moving, I'm fine. I'm becoming much more aware of the kinds of people I can talk with.

3. I love reading about Calvin Coolidge--nicknamed "Silent Cal":

(from Wikipedia)
As Vice-President, Coolidge and his vivacious wife Grace were invited to quite a few parties, where the legend of "Silent Cal" was born. It is from this time that most of the jokes and anecdotes involving Coolidge originate. Although Coolidge was known to be a skilled and effective public speaker, in private he was a man of few words and was commonly referred to as "Silent Cal." An apocryphal story has it that Dorothy Parker, seated next to him at a dinner, said to him, "Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you." He replied, "You lose." It was also Parker who, upon learning that Coolidge had died, reportedly remarked, "How can they tell?" Coolidge often seemed uncomfortable among fashionable Washington society; when asked why he continued to attend so many of their dinner parties, he replied, "Got to eat somewhere."

 

[Val2]

I'd rather have a student that was mute than to have one who can't stop talking and wont listen to me when I say "everyone please quiet down". Why are you worried about being mute? Where has being mute been a problem in your education?

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I've had troubles talking at school, and still do.
I can talk a lot to my mum and have developed close friendships with some kids in my class, and jeez, they sure got a fright the first time I opened up to them.

I still don't talk to the majority of people.
I carry a little whiteboard around, which has helped me a lot with communication, until I can find the courage to speak up.

But I guess the only ones I need to talk to are the people I care about most.

 

[Selectivemute122]

Well I have not logged in several months. The good news is I hang out with my friends every once in a while now. The not news is I still don't talk. I don't know what my mindset was when I wrote this but now I don't feel bad. I have a strange desire to only talk when needed. I'd rather be silent for one thing it's my reputation. It's bothersome when someone says you need to start talking or whatever. There's still anxiety about talking to my friends but I think that could be overcome if I really wanted to.

 

[Selectivemute122]

I've had troubles talking at school, and still do.
I can talk a lot to my mum and have developed close friendships with some kids in my class, and jeez, they sure got a fright the first time I opened up to them.

I still don't talk to the majority of people.
I carry a little whiteboard around, which has helped me a lot with communication, until I can find the courage to speak up.

But I guess the only ones I need to talk to are the people I care about most.

Some people told me I should get a whiteboard. I think that would be hilarious. I usually use my phone to communicate, in the past I would write on paper and in books.

 

[zurb]

One of my favourite sayings: a closed mouth gathers no feet.

 

[zurb]

Just a point regarding the definition of selective mutism. I don't believe it is simply a case of not wanting to talk - that's called being shy. It's more that at that moment in time one's brain just doesn't come up with any words to say. It's like at school you might know the answer up until the teacher points at you. At that moment the answer evaporates never to be found again (or at least until the pressure moves from you to someone else). I might not want to talk, but that's usually because I have nothing to say. Literally. That's how I understand it, correct me if I'm wrong please.

 

[Selectivemute122]

Just a point regarding the definition of selective mutism. I don't believe it is simply a case of not wanting to talk - that's called being shy. It's more that at that moment in time one's brain just doesn't come up with any words to say. It's like at school you might know the answer up until the teacher points at you. At that moment the answer evaporates never to be found again (or at least until the pressure moves from you to someone else). I might not want to talk, but that's usually because I have nothing to say. Literally. That's how I understand it, correct me if I'm wrong please.

Selective Mutism usually stems from social anxiety. It's a "coping mechanism" but a bad one. What you are describing, I wouldn't call selective mutism but it is true it's like you have something to say all the time and I agree with that. That's true when I'm not in an uncomfortable situation as well.

 

[karla]

Selective Mutism usually stems from social anxiety. It's a "coping mechanism" but a bad one. What you are describing, I wouldn't call selective mutism but it is true it's like you have something to say all the time and I agree with that. That's true when I'm not in an uncomfortable situation as well.

I have sometimes experienced selective mutism. At list that´s what I think it is, from what I have read. It´s not that you don´t want to speak, it´s that you can´t. The social situation requiried me talking, but the stress was so much much that I felt as if my brain was paralized, I couldn´t say anything. And that, instead of making me anonimous was making me much more noticable. That made me more nervous and incapable of talking. Also I felt as if my throught was closed. I was so stressed but I couldn´r leave. That has happen maybe like 5 timen in my life.

 

[Selectivemute122]

I think that gets the idea. The only difference is I experienced that most of my life. It's hard to think during that time because anything I can try to do will end up in yet another negative consequence and another and another until I just end up really doing nothing at all.

 

[Tyler Ford]

For me, it's better to write my feelings in a song and by singing. I don't usually like to talk to people, even my own family, about my problems because I'm afraid that I will be laughed at. ._.