Seeking autism-friendly help with making conversation/socializing irl

[Rold]

Hello! I'm Rold.

I need resources and/or advice on how to start and hold conversations with people I don't know.

Following years of isolation due to sickness keeping me stuck at home, I am now healing and able to get out, and I desperately need to make connections with other people in person. The trouble is, I lost basically all my socialization skills while I was sick.

I don't know how to go up to people. I don't know how to start a conversation. I'm not sure about where the breaks are in conversation, where a person can start talking. And when I am expected to reply to something, or want to, my mind literally, totally blanks out--suddenly I can barely remember the topic, let alone make a half-baked reply! It's humiliating. I need to learn how to interact with other adults. Does anyone know a good place to begin? Say, videos that helped you, or articles with advice, especially if it's geared towards helping people with autism? Or, do you have any advice or hacks that you found particularly helpful?

I'd love to hear from you! Thanks!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I started practicing socializing by getting involved with activity groups in things I was interested in, especially outdoors. Since the orientation was towards being active there was little pressure towards social (empty) conversation. As I got to know people (I'm bad with names) and started learning their interests, I could converse in that direction. Now, with the local bicycle club, people enjoy seeing me and I can contribute to general conversation, especially about nature since our activities are out in it.

 

[Rold]

I started practicing socializing by getting involved with activity groups in things I was interested in, especially outdoors. Since the orientation was towards being active there was little pressure towards social (empty) conversation. As I got to know people (I'm bad with names) and started learning their interests, I could converse in that direction. Now, with the local bicycle club, people enjoy seeing me and I can contribute to general conversation, especially about nature since our activities are out in it.

Mm... I'll have to consider that. I do love outdoor activities... biggest hurdle is that it can be a massive struggle to get to places due to not being a driver, plus several chronic pain components. So whether some kind of group I can easily get to exists would determine whether that's a feasible option.

 

[Progster]

I agree that it's much easier to base a conversation round a shared activity rather than just conversation, because you can talk about that activity. Watching a movie together, sharing music videos or photography, a game, a shared hobby, etc.

 

[Thinx]

A lot of groups do car shares, I don't drive butoften got lifts to walks in walking groups, or other activities too. I also think classes can be a good place to get involved, or regular local events like poetry readings or climate change meetings. You can be useful and make friends, I currently volunteer at a local farm picking and weighing and packing veg boxes, a half day a week. They are nice people and it's quite diverse there.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Starting with kids is safe. Are there kids in your family? Most parents want their kids to practice talking and share playing time with some other person.

Also old people are a good target, many old people are alone and need to talk a lot. There may be some volunteer activity where you can help old people to just conversate.

You can also go with some family member who knows your sittuation and frankly told them that you need to practice. They may need some help with something and you could help each other.

 

[VAW]

Hello! I'm Rold.

I need resources and/or advice on how to start and hold conversations with people I don't know.

Following years of isolation due to sickness keeping me stuck at home, I am now healing and able to get out, and I desperately need to make connections with other people in person. The trouble is, I lost basically all my socialization skills while I was sick.

I don't know how to go up to people. I don't know how to start a conversation. I'm not sure about where the breaks are in conversation, where a person can start talking. And when I am expected to reply to something, or want to, my mind literally, totally blanks out--suddenly I can barely remember the topic, let alone make a half-baked reply! It's humiliating. I need to learn how to interact with other adults. Does anyone know a good place to begin? Say, videos that helped you, or articles with advice, especially if it's geared towards helping people with autism? Or, do you have any advice or hacks that you found particularly helpful?

I'd love to hear from you! Thanks!

My son had basically the same problem interacting, I would say with him it will always be a struggle and his anxiety hits very high when he is out. He is 33 now and still has trouble but in the beginning he leaned on me, when we went out he felt more at ease because if someone asked him something and I saw him struggling I would just jump in and answer for him and take up the slack so he didn't feel on the spot. He always had doctor's appointments and being an Aspie he didn't answer quick so I would answer for him. Then when Covid hit he was afraid that I would get it and die so he started to go in by himself and interact with the doctors alone. He has gotten better but he will always have some trouble. So my point is, is there someone you can go with that can take up the slack for a while? Watch how they interact and how they talk to other people they don't know?

I think Atrapa Almas had a good idea with talking to old people. A lot of times they are easier to talk to and more understanding.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

A lot of groups do car shares, I don't drive butoften got lifts to walks in walking groups, or other activities too. I also think classes can be a good place to get involved, or regular local events like poetry readings or climate change meetings. You can be useful and make friends, I currently volunteer at a local farm picking and weighing and packing veg boxes, a half day a week. They are nice people and it's quite diverse there.

Great suggestions. Last weekend I helped with an Ironman Triathalon. I worked with two children at my station handing off water and gatorade to cyclists. We talked about school, volleyball, and when one found a porcupine quill on the road, I had fun explaining how native Americans used dyed quills for decoration before beads and how quills have an antibiotic surface.

 

[GypsyMoth]

I start off by talking about the weather. "Nice day outside." Nothing complicated, lots of common ground. Usually the other person will pick up from there.

If you want to keep conversations short, the grocery store line works well. I was appalled when we moved to California a number of years back and all of these complete strangers would just start talking to me: "hey, I see you like Captain Crunch. I'm buying that too!" (I'm seriously not kidding, it was the most unnerving thing ever. I mean, what in the world does someone care what I'm buying!?!) But you know, I can talk with strangers pretty well now, so it's all good.