NT male/Aspie-ASD female

[Kupu2]

I see copious amounts of internet info on NT females suffering throught lonely relationships with ASD men. How many of you are NT men with ASD women? How do you fare? Is it common?

 

[garnetflower13]

I would be curious to know about this as well.

 

[Suzanne]

My husband is the neurotyical one and it is hard going! I guess, due to his personality, things could be a lot worse, but he would say that I am hard work. He doesn't like that I talk too loud and cannot understand or get it, that I really do not hear myself being loud, but do try to work with him. My voice gets louder as I ? aminated or angry and when I walk into the same room from being somewhere else, I forget to turn down my voice, which is a constant source of embarrassment to me.

He hates that I cannot take a joke, because he is a massive joker! He also gets frustrated because I go into every little detail. I just cannot summerise.

My husband does not frequent forums, so cannot answer, but I am sure if he did, you would truly know how hard he finds it to live with me, but to give him credit, he does try.

 

[Kupu2]

My husband is the neurotyical one and it is hard going! I guess, due to his personality, things could be a lot worse, but he would say that I am hard work. He doesn't like that I talk too loud and cannot understand or get it, that I really do not hear myself being loud, but do try to work with him. My voice gets louder as I ? aminated or angry and when I walk into the same room from being somewhere else, I forget to turn down my voice, which is a constant source of embarrassment to me.

He hates that I cannot take a joke, because he is a massive joker! He also gets frustrated because I go into every little detail. I just cannot summerise.

My husband does not frequent forums, so cannot answer, but I am sure if he did, you would truly know how hard he finds it to live with me, but to give him credit, he does try.

And Suzanne , my dear, what about YOU? How do you find the meshing of the two of you?

I have tried to make two relationships with NTs work. One being my boys' dad. The only time their father was 'pleased' with me was when I masked up and tried SO hard to be a run of the mill female and preened myself. The rest of the time it felt like an uphill ride all the way. I pedalled hard but got nowhere. The other man did nothing but ask why I didn't do a whole host of things like other women. He said he found me akin to the runt of the litter. Not cute, but I grow on people and they somehow find me endearing. Yeah...I know...nice analogy.

 

[Suzanne]

And Suzanne , my dear, what about YOU? How do you find the meshing of the two of you?

I have tried to make two relationships with NTs work. One being my boys' dad. The only time their father was 'pleased' with me was when I masked up and tried SO hard to be a run of the mill female and preened myself. The rest of the time it felt like an uphill ride all the way. I pedalled hard but got nowhere. The other man did nothing but ask why I didn't do a whole host of things like other women. He said he found me akin to the runt of the litter. Not cute, but I grow on people and they somehow find me endearing. Yeah...I know...nice analogy.

Well, let's just say, if we were not Christians, we probably would have got a divorce, but we are doing OK right now. We both find it hard to live together most of the time, but neither want to give up. Been married many years before I found out I have aspergers, but yes, my husband has often accused me of not acting my age. Says: you are no longer a child, get over it and all because I ask questions, but he has improved.

 

[Kupu2]

Well, let's just say, if we were not Christians, we probably would have got a divorce, but we are doing OK right now. We both find it hard to live together most of the time, but neither want to give up. Been married many years before I found out I have aspergers, but yes, my husband has often accused me of not acting my age. Says: you are no longer a child, get over it and all because I ask questions, but he has improved.

That is hard. I commend you both for seeing it to something more than a throw away experience. I have to go, but I willl respond more later. Thank you for being brave to discuss it.

 

[Suzanne]

That is hard. I commend you both for seeing it to something more than a throw away experience. I have to go, but I willl respond more later. Thank you for being brave to discuss it.

You sound lovely. I have to go too, but you are most welcome to inbox me any time.

 

[WereBear]

I'm the Aspie and he is the NT. From the first, he was proud of my intelligence and happy with my unconventionality. As our relationship continued, we began to run into issues where he felt I hadn't been listening, and that my reactions to things puzzled him.

But by far the worst was how I began suffering from some kind of Chronic Fatigue and this put great stress on our relationship, simply from the worry.

My diagnosis was a huge relief for both of us as the answer to all the big and little baffling traits. We are once again on firm ground.

 

[garnetflower13]

I would say that my husband is more NT than Aspie, but has very mild Spectrum traits. He is very unconventional, which makes him appreciate me and my odd ways. He loves my sense of humor, and has a unique humor of his own. There are times we clash, of course, but that seems to be typical male not understanding females issues, than having to do with Aspie issues.

 

[Kupu2]

I am sensing that these men appreciate, or at least accept, quirkiness. Was it your slightly left of centredness that attracted them to you? I also pick up these men are not Trump like NTs, requiring a piece of arm eye-candy; that they like your substance.

Do you think they'd still have pursued a life with you if they knew beforehand about your ASD?

 

[Suzanne]

I am sensing that these men appreciate, or at least accept, quirkiness. Was it your slightly left of centredness that attracted them to you? I also pick up these men are not Trump like NTs, requiring a piece of arm eye-candy; that they like your substance.

Do you think they'd still have pursued a life with you if they knew beforehand about your ASD?

My husband does not appreciate my quirkiness, which is what gets our marriage into trouble. But, well truthfully and it is not said in arrogance, he is attracted to how sexy he finds me and that was right at the beginning and so, I am sure he would put aside the aspie traits, because of this other!

 

[Kupu2]

My husband does not appreciate my quirkiness, which is what gets our marriage into trouble. But, well truthfully and it is not said in arrogance, he is attracted to how sexy he finds me and that was right at the beginning and so, I am sure he would put aside the aspie traits, because of this other!

Your husband upends my hypotheses!

Were you aware you had that x-factor?

 

[WereBear]

I am sensing that these men appreciate, or at least accept, quirkiness. Was it your slightly left of centredness that attracted them to you? I also pick up these men are not Trump like NTs, requiring a piece of arm eye-candy; that they like your substance.

Exactly. If a man has no interest in me as a person, he's going to self-select himself out of my pool. Mr WereBear and I's first conversation was about the work of Carl Jung. He said it was true love when he discovered I could quote Monty Python as well as he could.

I like action movies more than he does!

Do you think they'd still have pursued a life with you if they knew beforehand about your ASD?

Undoubtedly. In fact, when I got my self-diagnosis, Mr WereBear said, "I don't want this to change anything between us."

And I said, "You knew I was weird when you married me."

 

[garnetflower13]

I am sensing that these men appreciate, or at least accept, quirkiness. Was it your slightly left of centredness that attracted them to you? I also pick up these men are not Trump like NTs, requiring a piece of arm eye-candy; that they like your substance.

Yes, my husband said that he liked my classy ways, and yet finds my nerdy traits cute, too. But he has never been attracted to movie star beauty, nor women who wear fake nails and slather on cosmetics and perfume. I'm a little old fashioned and he likes that, too.

Do you think they'd still have pursued a life with you if they knew beforehand about your ASD?

Undoubtedly!

 

[Juliet8080]

I'm an ASD female with a NT male. I told him I was an aspie after a few dates and he said that he likes me for me and that it doesn't change anything. He's a very touchy person but I recently told him my boundaries and he's totally cool with it. He read a book about autism and said any time I want to be alone that it's fine. He's also sort of childish so he likes that I act like myself and bring the inner fun/child out. Honestly, there don't seem to be many problems as long as I tell him when something makes me uncomfortable.