Not sure how to function

[RandomBogy]

I grew up in a household that hated the idea of disabilities I was diagnosed with autism at a young age but if I ever showed any signs of it I was beaten by my mother, father, and siblings. As I grew up I learned how to function around people and how to seem normal but I always felt uncomfortable in my skin after becoming an adult my family acted as if they hadn't ruined my life if they hadn't destroyed me made me hate myself. It's gotten worse I get jealous when I see other autist people in public their families being okay with how they behave and how they are that's what I always wanted to be accepted for what I am. I don't know what to do im at my limit I want to be okay in my skin I want to understand myself how do you guys do it.



p.s Sorry for bad grammar

 

[Rodafina]

Welcome to the forum, @RandomBogy.

Sorry to read about how your family treated you. It sounds like you went through some real trauma in your childhood home. Are you in a position to talk to a therapist or a counselor about your experiences? I think getting to know yourself and other autistic folks could be helpful to building your own sense of self worth and confidence. But, sometimes, the trauma from our past is best dealt with through professional help. I think speaking to others who have gone through traumatic experiences in their early years could help too (there are lots of those people here - great and wonderful folks to learn from and commiserate with).

 

[marc_101]

Welcome!

So sorry to hear about your experiences, but you're an adult now and need to move on and make your own path. Do you have a therapist? That would be a good first step, and any medication that could help you take the first steps.

But you're in the right place here. Autism is normal here

 

[Neonatal RRT]

A few thoughts here:
1. You cannot change your past. It all happened. Learn from it. Wisdom.
2. You cannot change your family. They have made a "moral diagnosis" of you. Nothing you say or do will change that.
3. You are an adult now and in control of yourself. Do not let them hold power over you.
4. Actively try to improve the person you are, but also accept the things you cannot change.
5. Know how to recognize and separate the emotions from your logic. Emotions always cloud our thoughts. Do not filter your actions through an emotional filter. In other words, there are things we must do despite our feelings. Courage is being afraid and doing it anyways.
6. Be an outward thinker. Do things for others. Serve. Educate. Mentor. Lead. Be responsible for something or someone. Have a purpose. This is the best way to overcome inward thoughts and depression.

 

[Xinyta]

I grew up in a household that hated the idea of disabilities I was diagnosed with autism at a young age but if I ever showed any signs of it I was beaten by my mother, father, and siblings. As I grew up I learned how to function around people and how to seem normal but I always felt uncomfortable in my skin after becoming an adult my family acted as if they hadn't ruined my life if they hadn't destroyed me made me hate myself. It's gotten worse I get jealous when I see other autist people in public their families being okay with how they behave and how they are that's what I always wanted to be accepted for what I am. I don't know what to do im at my limit I want to be okay in my skin I want to understand myself how do you guys do it.

Firstly. I'd like to say that your family's disturbing level of Ablisum, is not your fault. Thier behavior towards it and you, comes from inside them. From some kinda of bias they have against the disabled in general.

Secondly. You are only 'disabled' by the standards of the legal and medical worlds. However, you are not. You are just neurologically different.

You are a human being.

You are valid in your struggles and feelings.

My own traumas are not from the exact same thing as yours. But my stepmother is a hateful person. But in general, to everyone. Not just me.

Words are one thing. However, physical harm is another thing. Their go to, to 'deal with you' for being autistic. Is the most cruel thing, next to out right abandonment. Being left in the cold, in a NT world that doesn't understand Autism and was never built to deal with it. It's a isolating feeling.

I've felt it. Others felt it. But we all still feel it in some ways. Even with the paths we all now found and walk.

Take your time and look at your options. There are therapists that can help you. There is help and advocacy for you out there. And you have us here on this forum.

No matter how much it feels like you are:
You are not alone.

If we NDs must all be aliens in a NT world. Let's be aliens together. There is nothing wrong with being different. And there never will be, as long as we can find love for ourselves.

Welcome home, @RandomBogy

 

[AprilR]

Welcome.

I am sorry you had to grow up in such a household. It is not your fault.

I also grew up hiding my lack of social intelligence, special interests and such. Where i live being disabled is seen as a curse also so i am always masking in public. I hope we can both find the people that will see us as who we really are.

 

[Seladon]

Honestly, it seems like many of us share the challenge of feeling comfortable, secure and powerful in who we we are, so you aren’t alone OP. Though of course, this doesn’t offer you any solutions to the problem…

As for seeing happy families with autistic members out and about, it’s not something I can say I’ve ever commonly seen. You must live in a tolerant ASD-friendly area. Either that, or one replete with citizens who mask like pros when out of the house.

 

[Aspychata]

Tend to do that too, wonder why my family couldn't be more accepting? It definitely creates a raw nerve, (you said you feel jealous). I look around at others and think, geeze, did they have a normal childhood? Wish l had words of support here for you. I truly try not to think about it, as it saddens me. I will never have that support from my family unfortunately.

 

[The Pandector]

We’ve heard so many stories about how family can be the least accepting people in our lives. It is entirely counterintuitive, yet holds true for so many of us.

I self diagnosed following my wife’s passing and my two sons acted like I was a criminal trying to pull off an insanity plea. That kind of response to a parent exposing their heart is devastating, as though I didn’t have their entire lifetimes to point to in my defense. It hurts.

Every situation is different, but here’s what has (kind of) worked for me. Screw them. They held their childish grudges as well as quietly blaming me for my wife’s refusal to seek radical intervention against her breast cancer (as a phlebotomist and lab worker, she knew precisely what she was doing). I forgive them for taking their grief out on me, but finally tired of the emotional strong arming.

Since then, I make clear that their opinions of me have expired. Their disrespectful tones would henceforth be reacted to with the despite such behavior accrued in their youth. I am patient, but I don’t tolerate disrespect; they’re beyond being disciplined except for the denial of their father’s approval.

Of course, this would only work if you were willing to demonstrate your self respect by being willing to take your leave of disrespectful behavior. In my case, my own self respect caused my little bundles of joy to reevaluate their approach.

In the meantime, one of them, I believe, has figured out he’s on the spectrum, and the other has done enough research to realize that Dad’s not just making stuff up.

I’m not speaking into your life here, but find specific importance to the autistic person of the old truism that, if you want respect, you have to respect yourself.

 

[Kuzekun]

That is a horrible thing to go through as a kid. I was never tested as a kid. While I was never physically abused I was verbally everytime I slipped up. I was lucky that after my diagnosis as an adult my family became a little more respectful of my condition. Yet, I never once recieved an apology (I guess my mom did call herself a bad mother one time during an argument I had with her about the past, but not really an apology?)

Anyhow, my dad was probably the one I found gave me the most affection and support even without the diagnosis. He had a tough exterior but he came to accept my quirks better than the rest of the family. My dad always told me "Let it go in one ear and out the other." Its easier said than done though. The first step for me was just accepting who I was. The second step was learning not to care what people think of me. I even joke about myself when family brings up one of my many moments.

My family continues to treat me as they always did even after the diagnosis. They are kinder, but the way they act towards me has not changed. My sister rarely snaps at me anymore, but continues to treat me as an annoyance. My oldest half-sister's husband, my brother-in-law, doesn't believe in autism at all (and hates homosexuals) and is only nice to me because I'm the younger brother of his wife. My mom continues to not understand my difficulties and refuses to try and understand. My step-dad is the worst of the bunch and won't hesitate to comment on my incompetence.

I'm not going to lie, it's hard to ignore them. Once you accept yourself and your uniqueness it eases up. It did for me. I used at ask myself why I was like I am. It was an answer I found much later as a young adult. Just hang in there and love yourself and try not to care what people think.

 

[RandomBogy]

Firstly. I'd like to say that your family's disturbing level of Ablisum, is not your fault. Thier behavior towards it and you, comes from inside them. From some kinda of bias they have against the disabled in general.

Secondly. You are only 'disabled' by the standards of the legal and medical worlds. However, you are not. You are just neurologically different.

You are a human being.

You are valid in your struggles and feelings.

My own tramas are not from the exact same thing as yours. But my stepmother is a hateful person. But in general, to everyone. Not just me.

Words are one thing. However, physical harm is another thing. Thier go to, to 'deal with you' for being autistic. Is the most cruel thing, next to out right abandonment. Being left in the cold, in a NT world that doesn't understand Autism and was never built to deal with it. It's a isolating feeling.

I've felt it. Others felt it. But we all still feel it in some ways. Even with the paths we all now found and walk.

Take your time and look at your options. There are tharapists that can help you. There is help and advocacy for you out there. And you have us here on this forum.

No matter how much it feels like you are:
You are not alone.

If we NDs must all be aliens in a NT world. Let's be aliens together. There is nothing wrong with being different. And there never will be, as long as we can find love for ourselves.

Welcome home, @RandomBogy

Thank you for the reply, I posted this when I was pretty down but waking up to replies who know exactly what I'm talking about and some new perspective was nice.

 

[Neri]

Yes, learning how to vaidate yourself and accept yourself as you are, is important, especially in the light of your family's prior treatment of you.

It could be a complex and challenging road ahead for you, as you figure out Who You Are, separate to how you have been treated by your intolerant family members.

Those "masking" and "camouflaging" survival skills you learnt, while essential in keeping you safe, in many an instance, need to be unpacked, and you get to decide when and where you still need to mask and who and when it's safe not to.

Learning to be yourself becomes increasingly important, as we age. In order to conserve energy, to heal and unfurl as your authentic self, becomes imperative, for our health and wellbeing, at some point, I've found.

Good fortune to you, friend, and fellow autist, on your journey to recover your healthy, autistic authentic identity.

 

[Jonn]

Honestly, it seems like many of us share the challenge of feeling comfortable, secure and powerful in who we we are, so you aren’t alone OP. Though of course, this doesn’t offer you any solutions to the problem…

There is so much pain in the autistic community.