Nice guy when happy, A**hole when mad

[AustinTheAspie]

What is wrong with me? Normally I'm a very kind, considerate, compassionate person, but when someone wants to test me, I see something that makes me mad, someone treats me like garbage for no reason, or steps up to me; I turn from being the nicest guy you'll ever meet to just the biggest a**hole (we're talking Axl Rose level a**hole). I absolutely hate myself for it, and I'm not sure if this is because of my autism, an underlying mental disorder, an anger problem, a defense mechanism, or all of the above. This has sabotaged many relationships with people, and what happens is that this anger lasts usually quite shortly, but I end up causing the most amount of damage in the least amount of time because of it. I'll end up insulting people, and/or threaten them with violence, and by the time I've cooled down, it's too late; they're already scared/pissed off. What do you think this could be? This HAS to stop.

 

[ksheehan88]

What is wrong with me? Normally I'm a very kind, considerate, compassionate person, but when someone wants to test me, I see something that makes me mad, someone treats me like garbage for no reason, or steps up to me; I turn from being the nicest guy you'll ever meet to just the biggest a**hole (we're talking Axl Rose level a**hole). I absolutely hate myself for it, and I'm not sure if this is because of my autism, an underlying mental disorder, an anger problem, a defense mechanism, or all of the above. This has sabotaged many relationships with people, and what happens is that this anger lasts usually quite shortly, but I end up causing the most amount of damage in the least amount of time because of it. I'll end up insulting people, and/or threaten them with violence, and by the time I've cooled down, it's too late; they're already scared/pissed off. What do you think this could be? This HAS to stop.

Sounds like you have trouble controlling your emotions. It could also be a defense mechanism and anger and trust issues. Sometimes we push people away in whatever way we do because it stops the possibility of them hurting us in the long run.

I'm similar, as is the friend I mentioned on the other post, so it isn't just you. Councilling may help.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Life can be about learning you're wrong most of the time.

There is probably not a single thing that you believe that you couldn't believe the opposite. Whether an education,a culture a habit.
Practice identifying when you get mad or when you think you're being attacked then think what if I didn't believe that and I believed the opposite?

Believing that other people have a legitimate opinion for legitimate reason and respect that.

Read about how to improve how you express yourself ie tact.
For when you do have outbursts learn how to apologise and if you start the journey you'll likely mean it.

Accept there a lot you don't understand in life, it isn't always about right and wrong.

Also you're only 22, cut yourself some slack.

What do I know nothing?

Perhaps I'm just saying things that apply to me. What I try to do.

 

[tree]

What is wrong with me? Normally I'm a very kind, considerate, compassionate person, but when someone wants to test me, I see something that makes me mad, someone treats me like garbage for no reason, or steps up to me; I turn from being the nicest guy you'll ever meet to just the biggest a**hole...I'll end up insulting people, and/or threaten them with violence, and by the time I've cooled down, it's too late; they're already scared/pissed off. What do you think this could be? This HAS to stop.

Your feelings and actions are based on whatever you are telling yourself.
The event doesn't matter as much as the story you are telling yourself
about it.

Reactions to the same event/circumstance can be fear, delight, rage,
interest, boredom etc. Which one you choose depends on your perception
and interpretation of the situation.

 

[Mr Allen]

It's not just you, I'm the same.

People have been trolling/winding me up on gamefaqs.com all week, I mark the trolls for the attention of the Mods, do the Mods do anything? Nope!

I posted a topic in the Ask the Mods section last week about why they don't do anything, and I got modded for off topic! WTF is going on here?!

 

[AustinTheAspie]

It's not just you, I'm the same.

People have been trolling/winding me up on gamefaqs.com all week, I mark the trolls for the attention of the Mods, do the Mods do anything? Nope!

I posted a topic in the Ask the Mods section last week about why they don't do anything, and I got modded for off topic! WTF is going on here?!

Don't even worry about gamefaqs. The community there is a bunch of callous pricks. Being here is a lot better anyway. I'm glad we both have something in common.

 

[Jorg]

Yep, been there, done that. From the past idk, two years I've felt the same way, I'm very friendly, respectful and kind normally but If someone push me or I feel stressed I become a real son of b***

I personally believe part of that is result of not having to much social interaction nowadays, I mean I talk to people, colleagues from collegue about everything but years have passed since I went out with a true friend.

 

[orphan]

I'm exactly like that. We must be normal.

 

[Meg12]

What is wrong with me? Normally I'm a very kind, considerate, compassionate person, but when someone wants to test me, I see something that makes me mad, someone treats me like garbage for no reason, or steps up to me; I turn from being the nicest guy you'll ever meet to just the biggest a**hole (we're talking Axl Rose level a**hole). I absolutely hate myself for it, and I'm not sure if this is because of my autism, an underlying mental disorder, an anger problem, a defense mechanism, or all of the above. This has sabotaged many relationships with people, and what happens is that this anger lasts usually quite shortly, but I end up causing the most amount of damage in the least amount of time because of it. I'll end up insulting people, and/or threaten them with violence, and by the time I've cooled down, it's too late; they're already scared/pissed off. What do you think this could be? This HAS to stop.

I'm the same way - if someone gets on my bad side I make their life hell on earth. I try my best to control it and I feel it's improved slightly over the years. I don't know where it comes from but acknowledging it and working to control it is my only option.

 

[WereBear]

Most of us were never taught how to recognize and handle our emotions. So, we don't.

In the case of males, most cultures also imprint upon men that whatever the emotion is, anger is the way to respond. So things get worse.

Also, if we are in a marginal subculture; an oppressed sub-group dealing with poverty, poor social support, and the myriad challenges of trying to navigate through a dysfunctional system; we don't have any role models to pick up tips and tricks from. All we learn is how to fail.

Fortunately, we are not stuck with the childhood fate handed us. As adults, we can figure things out, focus on fixing our misconceptions, and keep on raising ourselves to adulthood.

It's a process I try to never stop.

 

[Riley]

Trust me, pal...You could be worse. You could be like me.

When I'm angry or even slightly miffed, I'll say stuff that would make you wanna break my jaw. For Example:

Good Day!Me: "I'm sorry about Sharon Tate's death. But it doesn't have that much effect on me."
Bad Day!Me: "Sharon Tate deserved to die! She married a pedophile!"

Good Day!Me: "Heath Ledger did an impressive job as The Joker. I just REALLY prefer Tim Burton's version. I honestly think we should give Jared Leto a chance."
Bad Day!Me: "GOD! Ledger died 8 years ago! GET. OVER. IT. He was a stupid Aussie, anyway. Aussies ruin any film their grimy hands touch."

Yep. I get VERY xenophobic when I'm angry. From Koreans to Russians to my all-time nemesis, France.

 

[AustinTheAspie]

Trust me, pal...You could be worse. You could be like me.

When I'm angry or even slightly miffed, I'll say stuff that would make you wanna break my jaw. For Example:

Good Day!Me: "I'm sorry about Sharon Tate's death. But it doesn't have that much effect on me."
Bad Day!Me: "Sharon Tate deserved to die! She married a pedophile!"

Good Day!Me: "Heath Ledger did an impressive job as The Joker. I just REALLY prefer Tim Burton's version. I honestly think we should give Jared Leto a chance."
Bad Day!Me: "GOD! Ledger died 8 years ago! GET. OVER. IT. He was a stupid Aussie, anyway. Aussies ruin any film their grimy hands touch."

Yep. I get VERY xenophobic when I'm angry. From Koreans to Russians to my all-time nemesis, France.

That's me, plus very graphic threats when angered. I'm not sure if you threaten people when you're angry like I do, but trust me, that puts you at a whole new level of asshole. I turn into a straight up psychopath when I'm angry. And the anti-psychotic medication I'm on (Abilify) doesn't work. I see my doc in 3 days anyway, so I'll be sure to tell them all this.

 

[Riley]

I not only threaten my loved ones, I s**t-talk them, threaten suicide, attempt to strangle/hit myself...Yep, you're right about the ***hole part. I once threatened to "go Columbine" on my Mom. Joked about a matricidal school shooting. Even contemplated faking my suicide.

Something always stops me from going through with my threats. Close relatives say it's because I'm weak. Mom says it's morals.

I toned down the abuse I used to heap on my elderly aunt. Though I cannot say the same for my 8-year old niece, who already lives in a dysfunctional home.

 

[AustinTheAspie]

I not only threaten my loved ones, I s**t-talk them, threaten suicide, attempt to strangle/hit myself...Yep, you're right about the ***hole part. I once threatened to "go Columbine" on my Mom. Joked about a matricidal school shooting. Even contemplated faking my suicide.

Something always stops me from going through with my threats. Close relatives say it's because I'm weak. Mom says it's morals.

I toned down the abuse I used to heap on my elderly aunt. Though I cannot say the same for my 8-year old niece, who already lives in a dysfunctional home.

Again, you and me are very similar. I have threatened suicide too, but actually attempted it. I talk about it here: https://www.aspiescentral.com/threa...more-midlife-aspie-burnout-in-progress.19423/ I've out my family through so much hell because of me as well. It seems we both need an equal amount of therapy perhaps.

 

[ksheehan88]

Austin, the thing is you aren't a bad guy because not only do you recognise you have problems, you are actively seeking help. This tells me you really are a good person, just with a few kinks.

Most people who we perceive as "bad people" aren't bad... they need help. There are very few genuinely bad people in the world.