New to this

[DCTHATSME3]

Posting makes me a little nervous. I've known that i have tendencies and behaviors that point towards Asperger's, but up until this point I've been able to cope in my own way adapting as situations require it. Half a year ago however a two year long relationship with my ex fiance ended. she had been emotionally abusive, randomly having outbursts and berating me. I didn't know what to do. so i tried doing everything right that she was saying i was doing wrong. i didn't understand that wasn't the real issue. during the beratements i would withdraw. i wouldnt speak for a couple of hours. i assessed the situation. let my anger reaction subside and thought about the situation. (what was her grievance, what were my actions, how can this logically be solved). sometimes she wouldn't allow me to withdraw from the beratements. she would follow me from room to room saying mean things. it made me so mad. the stuff being said wasn't true. the more angry i got the more i wanted to physically act out that anger. but i don't want to hurt anyone so in that situation i would punch myself as hard as i could in the head as many times as it took for her to leave me alone. one night she she hit me in the face with a video game controller hard enough to split my brow open. i left her, but the tendency toward self harm when i get overwhelmed now still lingers. it's not as bad as it was when i was with her, but it isn't good either. i've scheduled a psychiatrist appointment so i can obtain a formal diagnosis so i can get help with this. I don't really know anybody i can talk to about this. I'm afraid of being treated differently.

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Warmheart]

Welcome to AC! im glad you're here. I hope you find this a positive place to share.

 

[StephF]

Welcome to the forums

 

[Lady Penelope]

First I'd like you to know you are brave to put up with the abuse and are stronger than you think to leave.
Sounds like you need to talk about the abusive relationship you were stuck in with your psychologist first. The aspergers diagnosis might permit your brain to acknowledge you were fighting against your thought processes which could bring you some comfort. Finding out why your brain works the way it does can be liberating. Means you can actively make allowances in the future.
Think positive. You found a friendly place here

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Hello!

That's terrible! It's good that you're out of that relationship (if you can call it that). Clearly she has her own problems. Not your problem any more though.

I think it says a lot of positive stuff that you realise you're not perfect but you want to better yourself. That's a sign of strength and of being of being a real man.

If you do get a formal diagnosis then you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to. It can purely be by a need to know case. You really have nothing to be afraid of. A lot of people with Asperger's and autism find a diagnosis to be empowering.

 

[xudo]

Welcome