Need Advice - My brother's avatars are NSFW

[Gunslinger]

New here and I am really just looking for some advice. My brother has aspergers and he's a great guy, I love hanging out with him, we go shopping together, out to the movies, play video games, etc.

But there is one thing that bugs me, our whole family is on Discord and he tends to put sexual pictures as his avatars. He also looks at these things in public on his phone where I can see sometimes. My sister and I try to tell him that it is very awkward and uncomfortable but he says flat out that he doesn't care and doesn't want to be regulated.

We don't mind talking about sex or sexuality, but nobody, especially my mother, wants to see the kind of porn or fetish comics he likes to look at, that is a private thing to us. Nothing wrong with it, just not something you want to share with your family! I don't know what to say that will make him at all empathetic to that perspective. I certainly don't want to stifle his sexuality or creativity, but I don't want him to alienate the people around him.

Advice?

 

[pjcnet]

I can understand them embarrassing and upsetting some people, but on the other side he most probably sees it as his right to freedom of expression to use them and they're not physically hurting anyone. Sometimes people on the autistic spectrum can be less understanding of what other people feel, especially if it's something that wouldn't bother them personally as it's difficult for many to understand why, but this could also simply be that he's being stubborn and therefore unrelated to his condition, E.g. he knows damn well why it upsets others, but chooses to do it anyway.

I don't use Discord and I was hoping you could tell him he was breaking their rules and risked losing his account, but I've looked at their Terms Of Service and Community Guidelines and I'm rather surprised to see nothing specific about avatars or even pornography except illegal pornography, E.g. related to minors, I am surprised because I assume his avatar could be viewed by children and this obviously wouldn't be appropriate.

The only thing I can think of is see if he will compromise by having 2 different Discord accounts, one for friends and family where he's careful with his avatar (his existing account) and another where he does what he likes within reason, except he doesn't share it with anyone that is likely to be offended or use it in their presence when they could be looking. Regarding looking at these images on his phone in front of the wrong people and/or in public, well if this is more than just when using Discord there's no solution other than persevering with trying to talk to him to attempt to get him to understand if he will listen which I know is very difficult, try to do it as pleasantly as possible, be patient and try to explain to him why some people don't like it, if he's not just being stubborn then hopefully you will reach him eventually, even if he appears not to be listening, he most probably is and he may still process it later, that's a common trait of someone on the autistic spectrum.

 

[Tom]

What he does with everyone else is not truely your business. What he does with you is. If he doesn't care what you think of his putting up sexual pictures then he should not mind you blocking him so you don't have to see it. If he questions you just saying you are not cutting him off, and still spend time together, etc, just exercising your right to not view things you don't want to. If he pressures you, do cut him off for a time. No consequence, no change.

 

[Progster]

I don't know what this Discord is, but if it is a site/platform/service where children might have access and see the avatars, then the avatars need to be age appropiate. In which case, you could advise him on this, telling him where it might be ok to use them, and where it's not ok.

 

[Bella Pines]

That's a difficult situation. On the one hand I'm all for accepting people as they are and letting people be themselves. On the other hand there does need to be limits and even I hold back in some respects. For instance, I swear like a trooper but refrain when taking my kids to school.

So if the images really are inappropriate, not just for your family but for kids on public forums and society in general, and if he is not listening, maybe find some way of getting to him with logic? Can you strike a deal with him, is there something he wants? If you change your avatars I will ...take you to the cinema? Alternatively can you offer more carrot and less stick, is there a special interest he likes? For example, if someone supplied me a bunch of marvel avatars that were super cool I would probably use them. So can you find him something better?