My Current Mental State.

[ftfipps]

Every night when I have been awake for more than 12 hours and I have some clarity I get very depressed. I used to be a gifted writer and a brilliant artist, too. I feel like my life has stagnated and I am descending into a mindless sludge of the masses. I tried for many years to have conversations about things I had read about in books with people I worked with and for some reason they would just act like I was I was speaking greek and change the subject. I did the worst possible thing, I gave up trying to learn things because there was no one I could talk to about them. What would you do in my current situation?

 

[SusanLR]

Try to get back into learning and doing creative things even if it's just for yourself.
I've went through this type of situation myself the past five years.
My life changed dramatically going from losing everything I called my life to trying to just survive
by living with someone I knew but can't feel comfortable with.

The person is very demanding and much of my time is spent doing what he wants me to do.
I feel guilty if I don't and my time to do the things I want went out the window.
I feel trapped as if sleep and work for this person is all life is anymore.
Stagnation is such a feeling of loss of self. I haven't been able to do my artwork or writing either.
I do still take time to learn and read even though I've no one who cares to hear about it.

 

[sarepta]

@ftfipps I relate to your situation. I also feel that people just aren't interested in talking about things that matters. I feel that almost everyone around me are referring to Facebook and Snapchat as real life, posting pictures of their dinner and discussing which tv-personality they like. I don't want to be a part of that. At the same time I also feel I have lost interest in doing things that I loved doing earlier.

@SusanLR it sounds like you are in a pretty hopeless situation. I am sorry to hear that!

 

[sidd851]

You just described my life.
I am amazed, the second epiphany
of my life.
2 1/2 mos. ago, I made the discovery(ended the denial), that I am on the spectrum.
2+ months ago, I joined this forum.
I have felt, with so many like minds, that I am finally home.
The relief I have experienced, and the connection(s) I have made, here,
Buoy me.
Those comfortable(what else can I consider them, they are a part of me) yet alien places,
and that kind yet alien family that kept me
as a kind of exchange consciousness for a decade and a half or so
were a wonderful experience(at least, they didn't hinder my learning, much).
One that I will now share with my real family and country-men/women,
just as they are eager to share with me.
I have experienced this intense loneliness for most all of my life.
I would not, however, trade the richness of this experience, not one iota of peace for this
bundle of attentiveness, this bristling analytical machine that resides slightly above and behind my eyes.
There is so much more to the world than common experience ever knows.
Hey, guys, I'm home.
Did you save me any cake?
I love you all.

 

[Mary Anne]

Every night when I have been awake for more than 12 hours and I have some clarity I get very depressed. I used to be a gifted writer and a brilliant artist, too. I feel like my life has stagnated and I am descending into a mindless sludge of the masses. I tried for many years to have conversations about things I had read about in books with people I worked with and for some reason they would just act like I was I was speaking greek and change the subject. I did the worst possible thing, I gave up trying to learn things because there was no one I could talk to about them. What would you do in my current situation?

You are always going to be a “gifted writer, brilliant artist.” What you CHOOSE to do with your gifts is a choice. If you are suffering from depression there is therapy, and or drugs for that.

One does not need others in order to use their talents or gifts. One can engage in their special interests without others. However, I cannot believe that with the current limitless INTERNET, you cannot find outlets (meetups count too) for finding others who share the same interests as you. I could write posts all day long on where and how to do that, but you already know how.

It’s not that you cannot find others to share with. You are depressed with your daily life at college, and those social confines. So go online and find new social realms in which to engage, share, and meet interesting people.

I do art everyday. I journal, do crafts, create all sorts of stuff and I do not share it with others, but it satisfies me immensely. Someday I will get back in selling my arts and crafts professionally again, but I do not need the approval of others in order to enjoy or utilize the talents I have. I do them to keep them exercised, and to make me feel good as it’s therapuetic.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Hi, I would be glad to see your writings and artwork, and talk about such, and to talk about things you read in books. I am a writer and artist as well, and know that feeling when we do not get feedback or interest.