I wanted to briefly introduce myself. I'm in my mid-forties, although I feel about 30 y/o. Apologies if I use older terms.
I was diagnosed with ADHD and for a time bipolar II, although the bipolar diagnosis was wrong --hyperfocus and obsessions with some topics was confused with hypomania. I can work nonstop when I care about something. It seems that the best diagnosis is ADHD (inattentive) with Asperger's, the older term. I didn't have the best childhood, always feeling very different and always being more interested in intellectual things. I got along better with adults that people my age. And seroius mental illness runs in my family.
I have done a lot of reading to understand how to interact with people and to understand what was "wrong" with me. I grew up in a developing country so it was only when I moved to the US that I learned more about mental illness and developmental disorders.
I'm a tenured professor (teachnical field) now at an excellent research institution. I put so much effort into trying to understand how to fit that I'm very good at acting and pretending to be "normal," but it's difficult for me to sustain closer relationships. At some point, people figure out that I'm a ... different.
Because I work in academia, it's easy to blend in that environment. Students and others put me in the "odd smart" category. Eccentric professor who sometimes talks too much, sometimes goes silent, and sometimes says odd stuff. I can be very charming and I can be very aloof. Depends on the day. Mostly, it depents on how much energy I have to act.
But pretending is exhausting and sometimes I don't know who I am or how to better connect with people.
I would like to meet people who has or had similar experiences -- age doesn't matter. Any suggestions on resources? How do you deal with masking?
Thanks!
M.
I was diagnosed with ADHD and for a time bipolar II, although the bipolar diagnosis was wrong --hyperfocus and obsessions with some topics was confused with hypomania. I can work nonstop when I care about something. It seems that the best diagnosis is ADHD (inattentive) with Asperger's, the older term. I didn't have the best childhood, always feeling very different and always being more interested in intellectual things. I got along better with adults that people my age. And seroius mental illness runs in my family.
I have done a lot of reading to understand how to interact with people and to understand what was "wrong" with me. I grew up in a developing country so it was only when I moved to the US that I learned more about mental illness and developmental disorders.
I'm a tenured professor (teachnical field) now at an excellent research institution. I put so much effort into trying to understand how to fit that I'm very good at acting and pretending to be "normal," but it's difficult for me to sustain closer relationships. At some point, people figure out that I'm a ... different.
Because I work in academia, it's easy to blend in that environment. Students and others put me in the "odd smart" category. Eccentric professor who sometimes talks too much, sometimes goes silent, and sometimes says odd stuff. I can be very charming and I can be very aloof. Depends on the day. Mostly, it depents on how much energy I have to act.
But pretending is exhausting and sometimes I don't know who I am or how to better connect with people.
I would like to meet people who has or had similar experiences -- age doesn't matter. Any suggestions on resources? How do you deal with masking?
Thanks!
M.