Tyrantus1212
An odd dinosaur. Yet a dinosaur.
I have a history of laughing when I really shouldn't be laughing. For example - whenever my parents would read to me. Dad would read me a serious fiction story about a man trying to hunt down a giant worm, but all I thought about was the man and the worm becoming friends and living in a gigantic house together - so instead of paying attention I just laughed. Dad didn't like it and eventually he just stopped reading me that book. Mom would read a story to me about a boy named Dennis, yet for some reason I kept picturing the name Dennis being equivalent to the name Daniel - so in my mind I kept chanting "Daniel!" and just laughing. She eventually stopped reading that to me for, hmmmm, the same reason. I just feel so bad about this; who knows, if only I didn't freaking laugh and let my folks read stories to me in peace I could have had a better zest for reading right now. I hate myself so much for doing this.
Another example (as if the one above isn't enough), around the same times. This one is even worse! During the 6th grade I would always look at the ceiling intercoms because I used to find them funny at one point, and would just walk through the hallways between classes - laughing. This is the part that's actually bad, also from the same school - I used to picture my imaginary friend from earlier childhood just being next to some students in the hallway and laughing as a result (kept remembering that story I made up to explain why he wasn't in the class photo); thus, it may have come off as though I was laughing at them. This was automatic behavior and I had no idea how to stop it. At the same time I used to have this streak where I would tell my parents EVERYTHING I've done at school each day even if it meant getting into trouble, because I had this paranoia that God might send in a prophet to our home who would tell them everything anyway (I don't have that kind of worry anymore). So I just kept telling them about the laughter and that got me into some trouble with them; I was told that if I don't stop this laughter, these students could eventually all gang up on me for constantly "laughing at them" (and I was only picturing that imaginary friend; I don't laugh at people). I got in trouble once again because a student actually asked me "what's so funny?" one day (and I of course recounted that to my parents due to my prophet fear). This did finally go away at some point and I don't even remember how. Doesn't matter, as long as it stopped.
And then there are often random moments where I REMEMBER something funny - let's face it, my mind is always racing. Has this ever happened to anybody, the struggle with the random laughter? I'm always afraid of laughing when I'm at work, for example, due to possibly remembering something funny (because again, my mind is always racing). Please share any insights if you've ever been in a similar spot, or are in such a spot right now. Laughing is supposed to be a good thing, especially for someone like myself who's always down in the dumps - yet somehow I manage to make even that antagonistic.
Another example (as if the one above isn't enough), around the same times. This one is even worse! During the 6th grade I would always look at the ceiling intercoms because I used to find them funny at one point, and would just walk through the hallways between classes - laughing. This is the part that's actually bad, also from the same school - I used to picture my imaginary friend from earlier childhood just being next to some students in the hallway and laughing as a result (kept remembering that story I made up to explain why he wasn't in the class photo); thus, it may have come off as though I was laughing at them. This was automatic behavior and I had no idea how to stop it. At the same time I used to have this streak where I would tell my parents EVERYTHING I've done at school each day even if it meant getting into trouble, because I had this paranoia that God might send in a prophet to our home who would tell them everything anyway (I don't have that kind of worry anymore). So I just kept telling them about the laughter and that got me into some trouble with them; I was told that if I don't stop this laughter, these students could eventually all gang up on me for constantly "laughing at them" (and I was only picturing that imaginary friend; I don't laugh at people). I got in trouble once again because a student actually asked me "what's so funny?" one day (and I of course recounted that to my parents due to my prophet fear). This did finally go away at some point and I don't even remember how. Doesn't matter, as long as it stopped.
And then there are often random moments where I REMEMBER something funny - let's face it, my mind is always racing. Has this ever happened to anybody, the struggle with the random laughter? I'm always afraid of laughing when I'm at work, for example, due to possibly remembering something funny (because again, my mind is always racing). Please share any insights if you've ever been in a similar spot, or are in such a spot right now. Laughing is supposed to be a good thing, especially for someone like myself who's always down in the dumps - yet somehow I manage to make even that antagonistic.