Late diagnosis, looking for resources

[Mike D.]

Hello all! I was officially diagnosed last year with Asperger's near the age of forty.

It's a relief, really, as I've lived my life trying to "rule myself" into fitting into society and its expectations well. Putting on the social face and playing the games until exhaustion. Getting married and divorced. Crippling addictions to cope. I have an "Aspie job" as a software engineer, though, so at least there's one enduring positive.

I've become accepting of myself now that I know who I am. I'm thankful for the internet, and this community, to help inspire me to get my diagnosis and give me the contact I needed. I cannot imagine being isolated and shunned as in the decades before.

All that said: I want to drop my NT act. If the stakes are not high enough to put on a face, then I won't anymore. I simply don't want to play the games when it is often not worth the effort.

I've also aquired some damaging coping mechanisms over the years. I shook off smoking and drug abuse, but I still suffer from overeating and video game addiction. These are a mental prison: they keep me pacified but helpless.

I've tried to kick my addictions many times in the years before they always come roaring back, no matter what I've tried: theraputic drugs, one on one talks, group talks, 12 step, throwing out the computer, and so on. They've noticibly weakened since I've started aligning to myself and I think progressing along that path will allow them to fall away completely.

Now to my question: are there any guidebooks or resources out there for living an Aspie life par excellence? I've found plenty on fitting in and understanding NT social rules but, while those books are certainly important, it's not my interest to fit in anymore.

Instead I'm searching for something that is like an Aspie self-help book on being an Aspie, while understanding we are all a bit different. It would primarily contain information on living well, self-improvement, and better understanding of Aspie nature with the goal of feeling more satisfied and at peace.

Any ideas or resources that you think would help me on my search are much appreciated.

 

[tree]

Here is a link = Resources | Asperger's & Autism Forum

 

[Danny 74]

Im a late diagnosis.hope you find all you need find out.. Hang in there.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Mia]

Welcome to Aspie Central Mike D.

It might help to read the experiences of other's on the spectrum. That's how I first began to understand. There are a great many resources out there that may seem familiar or reminiscent of your own life. Aspies writing books about their own experiences in the world have been helpful to me, as there are certain similarities that stand out.

Here's our resource section onsite: Autism & Asperger's Books | Asperger's & Autism Forum

Just realized that the above link is the same as the one Tree's indicated. Take a look there are several books that may be of interest.

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[StephF]

I was 54 when diagnosed, at least I now know that I am differently wired. Not defective, not damaged, not sub normal.

Welcome to the forums

 

[Lady Penelope]

Hello all! I was officially diagnosed last year with Asperger's near the age of forty.

It's a relief, really, as I've lived my life trying to "rule myself" into fitting into society and its expectations well. Putting on the social face and playing the games until exhaustion. Getting married and divorced. Crippling addictions to cope. I have an "Aspie job" as a software engineer, though, so at least there's one enduring positive.

I've become accepting of myself now that I know who I am. I'm thankful for the internet, and this community, to help inspire me to get my diagnosis and give me the contact I needed. I cannot imagine being isolated and shunned as in the decades before.

All that said: I want to drop my NT act. If the stakes are not high enough to put on a face, then I won't anymore. I simply don't want to play the games when it is often not worth the effort.

I've also aquired some damaging coping mechanisms over the years. I shook off smoking and drug abuse, but I still suffer from overeating and video game addiction. These are a mental prison: they keep me pacified but helpless.

I've tried to kick my addictions many times in the years before they always come roaring back, no matter what I've tried: theraputic drugs, one on one talks, group talks, 12 step, throwing out the computer, and so on. They've noticibly weakened since I've started aligning to myself and I think progressing along that path will allow them to fall away completely.

Now to my question: are there any guidebooks or resources out there for living an Aspie life par excellence? I've found plenty on fitting in and understanding NT social rules but, while those books are certainly important, it's not my interest to fit in anymore.

Instead I'm searching for something that is like an Aspie self-help book on being an Aspie, while understanding we are all a bit different. It would primarily contain information on living well, self-improvement, and better understanding of Aspie nature with the goal of feeling more satisfied and at peace.

Any ideas or resources that you think would help me on my search are much appreciated.

Hi fellow late diagnosed.
I've read a couple of books and they articulate the issues but don't really give step by step solutions that you are looking for...if in fact that is what you are.
I found talking to my psyc about getting diagnosed helped. We discuss how my thought processes differ in both positive and non typical ways. If the non typical ways cause me distress, we discuss coping mechanisms and steps to alleviate the anxiety. I'm not interested in fitting into an NT world ... i just want to feel whole, happy and less anxious about living in the world.

 

[Mike D.]

Hi fellow late diagnosed.
I've read a couple of books and they articulate the issues but don't really give step by step solutions that you are looking for...if in fact that is what you are.
I found talking to my psyc about getting diagnosed helped. We discuss how my thought processes differ in both positive and non typical ways. If the non typical ways cause me distress, we discuss coping mechanisms and steps to alleviate the anxiety. I'm not interested in fitting into an NT world ... i just want to feel whole, happy and less anxious about living in the world.

Maybe I should see a therapist some more. I went to one just for the tests which were done over a few sessions, but I declined further sessions. I have a seated distrust of therapy.

I was institutionalized for "anger issues" when I was a teen. It was mostly inanimate objects that I would break in an uncontrollable rage started by people. I went to therapy, going to many different therapists, and eventually was "cured." In reality I adopted a worldview of assuming incompetence of everyone in a position of power, especially therapists who I figured for quacks due to their inability to help me.

I want the same: to feel complete without guilt or shame. Maybe even optimize by environment and lifestyle. I picked up some of the books in resources hoping for a partial blueprint instead of flailing a bit while reaching my ideal empirically.

 

[Keigan]

Welcome,

I'm 53 and recently self-diagnosed.

Welcome to my tribe!

It is a significant relief to accept and acknowledge that I am different - not broken, not damaged - And there are lots of other individuals who are just as individual as I am.

 

[Lady Penelope]

Maybe I should see a therapist some more. I went to one just for the tests which were done over a few sessions, but I declined further sessions. I have a seated distrust of therapy.

I was institutionalized for "anger issues" when I was a teen. It was mostly inanimate objects that I would break in an uncontrollable rage started by people. I went to therapy, going to many different therapists, and eventually was "cured." In reality I adopted a worldview of assuming incompetence of everyone in a position of power, especially therapists who I figured for quacks due to their inability to help me.

I want the same: to feel complete without guilt or shame. Maybe even optimize by environment and lifestyle. I picked up some of the books in resources hoping for a partial blueprint instead of flailing a bit while reaching my ideal empirically.

I never thought i would EVER see a "shrink".
Even after a traumatic incident as a teenager and another of late but i suspected i was HFA and due to the most recent shitstorm in my life i thought asking someone in the know might clear up an issue or two. I initially thought I'd go for one maybe two sessions but she has been surprisingly informative. Will not continue forever. Once i have a handle on my situation I'll stop.
The counsellor has been pretty helpful too. I thought it was weak to seek help for private problems but i understand now that it's not.
I also thought they couldn't possibly have anything of interest to tell me or have the first clue what i was thinking or feeling and therefore couldn't possibly help. Basically talked myself out if it as a waste if time...

Perhaps you might want to try one session and focus on the issue you pick? Tell them what you want help with and keep on topic?

 

[Mike D.]

I never thought i would EVER see a "shrink".
Even after a traumatic incident as a teenager and another of late but i suspected i was HFA and due to the most recent shitstorm in my life i thought asking someone in the know might clear up an issue or two. I initially thought I'd go for one maybe two sessions but she has been surprisingly informative. Will not continue forever. Once i have a handle on my situation I'll stop.
The counsellor has been pretty helpful too. I thought it was weak to seek help for private problems but i understand now that it's not.
I also thought they couldn't possibly have anything of interest to tell me or have the first clue what i was thinking or feeling and therefore couldn't possibly help. Basically talked myself out if it as a waste if time...

Perhaps you might want to try one session and focus on the issue you pick? Tell them what you want help with and keep on topic?

That makes sense. Thank you for your perspective.

People I know who go to therapy seem to go forever as well, so that makes me question its efficacy further.

But you have a good suggestion: I will make a list of questions during my readings and bring them to the therapist to see if they can guide me with my specific concerns.

 

[MonolithImmortal]

Idk if you've tried meditation for helping you break bad habits, but studies have shown that people who meditate with a goal in mind have increased focus in achieving their goals and are more likely to succeed.

This is from something that helps Alzheimer patients, but I've read where this practice has helped people achieve various different goals by letting them harness a focused brain state towards what it was they were meditating about.

Kirtan Kriya Yoga Singing Exercise - Alzheimer's Prevention
I know it might sound quacky, but scientifically speaking, it works.