Is this normal, common, part of online dating?

[popculturegeeknerd06]

It's been happening to me for the past couple of months, and it's been very frustrating, bothering for me, depressing me a lot. In my previous attempts with online dating, this never happend to me before, but this is what has been happening to me lately. Normally if a person is not interested in you, they won't even bother to respond to your initial message in the first place, but anyway, this is what has been happening. Women have been responding to my initial message, and engaging me in conversation online, after we have exchanged a couple of messages with each-other, i eventually ask them out, ask for their number, but then they no longer respond to me. Even worse, sometimes i have been able to get a womans phone number and they agree to going on a date with me, but on the day of the date, they end up flaking on me or canceling on me, they will come up with an excuse that they can't make it anymore, or when i have called/texted them on the day of the date just to confirm if it is still happening, they don't respond at all, don't even bother to call me or text me back.

The reason why it pisses me off, bothers me when women respond to my messages and engage me in conversation on online dating sites for what i said above, because this is what goes through my mind, "if you are not interested in me, why did you bother responding to me in the first place?"

Has this happend to anyone else here as well?

 

[midlife aspie]

You need to make sure these people are 'real'. Some dating sites use people who are paid to simply 'lead people on'. These fake profiles will interact to a certain point and then quit. The other evils lurking out there are 'cam girls'.

 

[xudo]

You need to make sure these people are 'real'. Some dating sites use people who are paid to simply 'lead people on'. These fake profiles will interact to a certain point and then quit. The other evils lurking out there are 'cam girls'.

I would absolutely second this. It's sad that this sort of thing happens, but it does.

 

[xDominiel]

A former friend told me once that her experience on these sites was that she got so many messages from thirsty guys that she simply didn't have the time or energy to respond to them all. She would only respond to the ones she considered the most physically attractive and ignore the rest, and even after establishing contact with some she would drop them to go with others.

On Tinder I hear there is also the "problem" of guys swiping right on every single profile while women are more picky. Not sure if this is actually the case though, but the impression I've gotten is that it tends to be much more of a struggle and competition for men.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

ya even in online dating, men are still expected to send out the first message

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

and i haven't been on a date since July of last year, been eating me up inside a lot

 

[paloftoon]

. . .
The reason why it pisses me off, bothers me when women respond to my messages and engage me in conversation on online dating sites for what i said above, because this is what goes through my mind, "if you are not interested in me, why did you bother responding to me in the first place?"

Has this happend to anyone else here as well?

This type of thing has happened to me before. I don't keep all my eggs in one basket. Sometimes, it could be a person getting too many responses. Some people like to play games and waste everyone's time- it's ridiculous. Sometimes, it could be online social cues we miss, so we drag it out, maybe by accident, and they drag it out too. Robots I don't think are able to have such actual conversations per se.

Try not to let it depress you because this is something not under your control. Don't let these kind of people win! If they hear or see your emotions over their online interactions, then they get their entertainment value. Just move on to the next person/people or take a break from the app or dating if you must. If old people respond later, give them a chance but don't take them too seriously. Make them come to you at your convenience if that happens, and if that person really cares at all, they will try to make it work.

 

[paloftoon]

Also, when you try apps, are you very picky about who you meet? If so, open up who you meet. Just because the person may not be the hottest doesn't mean they aren't worth meeting. Give it a shot, you never know. Might end up with a good friend if you're lucky.

Remember, most people using dating apps use it like a shopping catalog only and not for friends. They don't always try to read the profiles at all. If you're only looking for a hookup, then you don't need to read the profile that much. If you're looking for something serious, you should definitely try to read everything you can. Then you can ask about those things in the profile one thing at a time. Especially if they interest you too.

 

[Rich Gray]

If it is a computer program, then ask it odd questions like "what color of crimson yellow tastes like peach, and what frog snails shoe?"

 

[Totallysteff]

I feel like I'm obligated to say something as a women who has tried online dating,and sucked at it.
It is polite to respond when you get a message. I think it rather rude to ignore someone who has reached out to you, but some people think it is a fine practice. If I have engaged in conversation with a person online or in person I feel I have no obligation to keep talking to them after the fact.
I don't think that at this point in my life I would agree to a date that I didn't want to go on, but I must admit that in the past it was easier than explaining why I didn't want to go out with someone. So what I guess I'm trying to say is try not to make too big a deal out of communicating with someone maybe you can look at it as a social experiment to gain skills.

P.S. Try to wait to ask the ladies out that you are talking too. There shouldn't be a need to rush. And if you are on an autistic dating site like aspieology or whatever else is out there be patient those ladies are special just like you. They might need more time.
You don't have to listen to me because I rarely follow my own advice, but I should.

 

[Adder1234]

and i haven't been on a date since July of last year, been eating me up inside a lot

Don't feel bad, I haven't been on a date since ever. But yeah, this situation totally sucks, but if you really want something to happen, keep toughing it out and you've got it!

 

[GeoGuy]

Happens to me all the time in real life.