I know we spoke earlier Suzanne briefly about this, but I will share with everyone else how I am..
I hate talking on the phone. Answering it. Making a phone call. A BIG N.O. I go into a panic and confuse my words...I remember once when I needed to ring up about a job, and I got put through to the answering machine. I got into a right mess. I ended up giving the wrong number, couldn't say 'alternatively'...It was a nightmare and my NT friend just laughed! I was red in the face and wanted to cry. I bet the guy who listened to the messages the next day got a right laugh. I even find ringing up friends a difficulty..Sometimes, I refuse to answer any calls that come through and I refuse to ring people too. I have actually been known to turn the phone off and pretend i'm 'not in' so I don't have to answer
I struggle with public transport too...I can just about catch the bus to get to the nearest city and even that makes me panic. You know, yesterday, I had an interview in the city so had to go and could just about cope with asking for a return ticket which I did. I managed there because I was messing about on my mobile, UNTIL a young guy sat next to me. He had tons of seats to choose from but made a B-line for me which made me feel extremely uncomfortable and I ended up fidgeting and staring out the window trying not to make eye contact the whole way there...Still, managed the journey to the city. Now for the journey back! I got to the bus station which was ok. I noticed a queue for the bus so chose to sit down instead because I feel uncomfortable in queues, and noticed that the bus didn't say it was going to my town, but that it was going to a town that one must travel through my town to get to. So I am thinking, "It's not going to [---------] so that means it is the wrong bus...I can't catch that one". So I sit there for a bit longer, and then the bus driver comes and steps on the bus. My first thought when I saw him was, "he's quite good looking". So, when I eventually realised that well, actually, the bus might stop off in my town instead of doing a trip that doesn't stop there, I decided I had to get up and ask...Now that took a lot of courage! I walked over and was trying to think what to say and eventually went over to the driver and mumbled, "do you stop in [---------]?" and he said "yes" probably wondering if i'm thick or something, and so I handed him my ticket aware that a queue had developed behind me, and I found the nearest seat that I could get to that was by the window. I found one half way up the bus and then it started getting crowded which made me panic a bit, and a big bloke who stunk sat right by my side...I felt claustrophobic :/ I managed though, and did get off the bus ok. Back to the general point though about struggling with public transport, I don't think I could actually catch a train or a tram unless someone actually went with me; even then I would panic. Sounds really stupid that an almost 20 year old female should need someone to help her use public transport. I used a tram with my friend in May 2013 and I fell over in front of everyone on it...So I don't want to go on them ever again.
I hate to buy things or go into places where there are many people...I like to be the only one in the shop, and if I don't like the person who is on the tills I will leave...I hate queues because I feel judged by the people in front or behind me for what I might be purchasing. I sometimes hate the staff too. I cannot cope with young people in shops, it really bothers me..and i'm young myself! I don't like going into shops i've never been into. One of the worst things for me in regards to shopping is actually asking someone for help or if they have something etc. Asking anything is so scary. I cannot stand it...I like to work things out by myself because I cannot cope with involving others.
Whenever I go out, especially when i'm alone, I feel like everyone is staring at me, and they don't stare at me with a good look either...it's more like daggers or looks of horror or disgust...I feel like i'm some horrible woman who people should avoid completely or something...It hurts...It's a nice feeling when a man notices me, but even that sends me walking awkwardly and almost tripping up, or I become very self conscious and pretty much run off...I feel the most comfortable just being indoors, in my own home, ALONE, and online...