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In what areas does social anxiety/phobia, affect you?

Suzanne

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
For me, it affects going out alone and thus, doing things on my own, when others are around.

I hate the idea that I am being scrutinized and thus, have to do major psyching up to just pop down my road for something and I mean: I can see my chemist, from my drive and thus, literally a 2 minute work and yet, it might as well be hours away!

We have a bar/tobac as our neighbours ( live in France and so, not like your usual rowdy pub etc) and to go to our bins, which is again, 2 mins away, I have to walk passed and because there is a no smoking ban, inside the building, all congregate outside and so, I usually go on a monday, because the pub is closed.

The bus stop is again, just a few feet away and yet, for the life of me, I cannot cope getting on it!

It high lights very much my stupidity and shame!

It all comes down to be looked at, which I honestly cannot cope with!
 
Some days it doesn't pose a problem, other days I can't even make myself go grocery shopping or phone for take-out.
 
Suzanne said:
Ah yes, but you go mountain climbing etc on your own, which to me, is whoa scary stuff
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But it is fun for me. I trying to find something more challenging for me to do this year. I might even conduct some of my business on a mountain. Give people a nice view during a web conference.
 
1) Having an interaction with much of anyone who clearly has control over the circumstances in whole or in part.

2) Being physically approached off guard by a total stranger.

3) Too many people in too close a proximity to me, frenetically moving about. More often an issue during holiday shopping.
 
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1) Talking to more than two people at once, I can't focus and it makes me nervous.

2) Answering the door/phone. I don't like having to speak to people, that's why I do all my talking through writing if I can.

3) Being approached by a total stranger in public.

4) Being approached by someone I know in public, I just want to quickly go about my business and be left alone.

5) Going to social events by myself, except the grocery store and school.
 
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ThatSkyWing said:
1) Talking to more than two people at once, I can't focus and it makes me nervous.

2) Answering the door/phone. I don't like having to speak to people, that's why I do all my talking through writing if I can.

3)Being approached by a total stranger in public.
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I find it chronically difficult if there is more than one person I have to talk with. Find that I am so aware of eye contact and end up only looking at one.
 
Suzanne said:
For me, it affects going out alone and thus, doing things on my own, when others are around.

I hate the idea that I am being scrutinized and thus, have to do major psyching up to just pop down my road for something and I mean: I can see my chemist, from my drive and thus, literally a 2 minute work and yet, it might as well be hours away!

We have a bar/tobac as our neighbours ( live in France and so, not like your usual rowdy pub etc) and to go to our bins, which is again, 2 mins away, I have to walk passed and because there is a no smoking ban, inside the building, all congregate outside and so, I usually go on a monday, because the pub is closed.

The bus stop is again, just a few feet away and yet, for the life of me, I cannot cope getting on it!

It high lights very much my stupidity and shame!

It all comes down to be looked at, which I honestly cannot cope with!
Click to expand...

I don't like to be seen by people.. I think that's a holdover from being bullied at school, ridiculed for my appearance, what I say or do.. until recently I'd wait until no-one was in sight before I left home, but I've managed to desensitise considerably by forcing myself to go running in the morning and walk around the local shops every day. It's been very hard to do, but certainly much better than the constant high level anxiety I had and rewarding, because I'm more in control of my own life now.
You must remember one thing Suzanne, while you suffer with terrible anxiety, it's an affliction! That doesn't make you stupid and it's no cause for shame! I tell you that with love and from my own direct experience. Be strong. :rose:
 
The things I fnd difficult are:
Answering the phone
Going into small shops where I don't know the shopkeeper, I feel like I'm being scrutinized
Answering the door
Going to any social event by myself. But I'm ok if it's functional without much interaction like going to the supermarket.
Talking to strangers and meeting new people.
Meeting acquaintances on the street. Sometimes they want to stop and talk to me but I never know what I should say to them beyond "hi", so I avoid them if at all possible. I'm in my own little world when going about my business and I resent the intrusion by people.
 
Spiller said:
I don't like to be seen by people.. I think that's a holdover from being bullied at school, ridiculed for my appearance, what I say or do.. until recently I'd wait until no-one was in sight before I left home, but I've managed to desensitise considerably by forcing myself to go running in the morning and walk around the local shops every day. It's been very hard to do, but certainly much better than the constant high level anxiety I had and rewarding, because I'm more in control of my own life now.
You must remember one thing Suzanne, while you suffer with terrible anxiety, it's an affliction! That doesn't make you stupid and it's no cause for shame! I tell you that with love and from my own direct experience. Be strong. :rose:
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Thank you for that, Spiller; I really appreciate your words to me. As it happens, it is because I live in France. When I was in my own country, although I suffered, I could push myself to do things and felt good for them, but it is a whole different ball game in a different country!
 
Suzanne said:
Thank you for that, Spiller; I really appreciate your words to me. As it happens, it is because I live in France. When I was in my own country, although I suffered, I could push myself to do things and felt good for them, but it is a whole different ball game in a different country!
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I always have admiration and sympathy for those Aspies working daily with the public. But to have to live within a different culture and language...that strikes me as an even more daunting proposition. That has to take it's toll on you in any number of ways. And yet you persevere....well done. :)

At this stage of my life, I'm afraid that would overwhelm me. :eek:
 
Judge said:
I always have admiration and sympathy for those Aspies working daily with the public. But to have to live within a different culture and language...that strikes me as an even more daunting proposition. That has to take it's toll on you in any number of ways. And yet you persevere....well done. :)

At this stage of my life, I'm afraid that would overwhelm me. :eek:
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I agree with Judge wholeheartedly here, I know you have your partner with you, Suzanne, that would make it easier not having to cope alone. How is your French.. If memory serves, I remember reading that you'd taken some language classes? Do you have friends around you, anyone you can go out with, practice with?
 
Judge said:
I always have admiration and sympathy for those Aspies working daily with the public. But to have to live within a different culture and language...that strikes me as an even more daunting proposition. That has to take it's toll on you in any number of ways. And yet you persevere....well done. :)

At this stage of my life, I'm afraid that would overwhelm me. :eek:
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Oh believe me Judge, I suffer every day of my life being in France! It is quite simply horrible, but I have no choice to live here and so, deal with it the best way I can!
 
Suzanne, would it help to think about how little strangers notice and care about anyone except themselves. Unless you draw attention to yourself by talking or looking around they probably don't even register your presence. You are just a backround extra in their own personal movie. In most cases, at most times, you can just chill in the anonymous mass. Don't assume their will be a problem. Save your mental strength for the rare case it might happen.
 
The only thing that really gets me is large crowds, like in a mall or city. I deal with it but it stresses the hellout of me. I have to work with total strangers every day, often having to calm them down if there's been an accident, or calming the waters if the company took their time to get them rescued. It was hard at first but I've learnt to roll with it, now it's second nature. Immigration control at airports freak the hell out of me, what sort of soulless folk do they employ for those desks?
 
Spiller said:
I agree with Judge wholeheartedly here, I know you have your partner with you, Suzanne, that would make it easier not having to cope alone. How is your French.. If memory serves, I remember reading that you'd taken some language classes? Do you have friends around you, anyone you can go out with, practice with?
Click to expand...

My French is what we call: I can get by. But certainly is not fluent because despite living in France, I hate the language and sadly, no matter how much I try, it winds me up and when I hate something, I have no interest, despite there being plenty of motivation, I have no motivation ie I do not feel inspired. I find the French language to be illogical and well, to me it is like maths lol where we are arch enemies.

No, no ever taken language classes because I have to travel to them and I can't drive. My only real friend, or who I consider to be a real friend, lives too far away and is very busy.

My husband is amazing in many ways, but I guess being human, he finds me too much some times and will say some nasty things that make me feel worse. I asked him if he would accompany me to the dr and he won't, so I have no choice to pluck the courage up and do it by myself. Which I know is good for me, but I also know it will not get easier!
 
Tom said:
Suzanne, would it help to think about how little strangers notice and care about anyone except themselves. Unless you draw attention to yourself by talking or looking around they probably don't even register your presence. You are just a backround extra in their own personal movie. In most cases, at most times, you can just chill in the anonymous mass. Don't assume their will be a problem. Save your mental strength for the rare case it might happen.
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No, because where I live, it is like a ghost town really and so, when I go out, I stand out! Just the other day, I took the courage to go up to our bins and for once and cruelly there were a heck of a lot more people around and this guy, who was just about to get into his car, who was parked so close to the bins, just stared at me, as I walked closer and the only thing that saved me, was wearing dark glasses. I was even too freaked to smile; I just did the best I could to ignore him. I felt however, that my whole being was under a microscope!!!!!
 
Crowds, even just a crowded store or long checkout lines

Heavy traffic

Meetings in groups larger than a very small handful of people or with people I don't know, except in situations where my role is clearly defined in my mind

Lots of kids...I love kids in small doses, but being around a whole bunch of them, even teenagers, is stressful

Being in a sketchy part of town
 
I used to be terrified of going to bars and concerts alone, but now...I actually like it. I'm pretty good at not drawing attention to myself and I've stopped worrying that those around me are somehow judging me (they probably aren't). I can have a good time without caring about social interaction.

I don't know how that happened, alas, so I've no good tips for you, other than to say it's possible, maybe, for some, to overcome such anxiety.
 
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