Aspie&Aspie
Well-Known Member
It has taken me 15 years to finally acknowledge, and to begin to accept having been officially diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.
I think the reason it took so long for me to accept this diagnosis, was that I didn't want to believe I had some type of mental illness and the stigma and label that it would bring.
It was easier to be in denial and just pretend that I was a normal average guy.
After all I was a master at pretending to be normal as I had almost perfected it, or so I thought. I had a good job, a wife, kids, own home, friends, a high position role with my Church, so on the outside things looked ok. But on the inside things were not ok.
My own definition of someone with a Aspergers Syndrome/mental illness was very naive and black and white. I was successful and functioning well in society, I wasn't on medication, I didn't look or act crazy. Sure I realised we are all different I had some idiosyncrasies about me but I didn't have a benchmark to compare it with because I had never been anybody else before, just myself, me.
It wasn't until I stumbled upon this website that I realised maybe I was different. And the fact my son was living with me for the last 2 weeks and I had observed some mannerisms/behaviours in him that I did myself. It was like looking into a mirror.
How my Son cut off all his clothing tags, like my Dad did and I do also. How my Son has an unusual walk without swinging his arms much, that blank stare, he doesn't talk while eating and zones out. His communication skills are not the best. His monotone voice and lack of facial expressions. Difficulty looking people in the eye when talking. All these behaviours were an epiphany and awoke me from my fake Neurotypical trance, and made me ask myself the question.
What if my Psychiatrist all those years ago was correct?
He was, and is.
I think the reason it took so long for me to accept this diagnosis, was that I didn't want to believe I had some type of mental illness and the stigma and label that it would bring.
It was easier to be in denial and just pretend that I was a normal average guy.
After all I was a master at pretending to be normal as I had almost perfected it, or so I thought. I had a good job, a wife, kids, own home, friends, a high position role with my Church, so on the outside things looked ok. But on the inside things were not ok.
My own definition of someone with a Aspergers Syndrome/mental illness was very naive and black and white. I was successful and functioning well in society, I wasn't on medication, I didn't look or act crazy. Sure I realised we are all different I had some idiosyncrasies about me but I didn't have a benchmark to compare it with because I had never been anybody else before, just myself, me.
It wasn't until I stumbled upon this website that I realised maybe I was different. And the fact my son was living with me for the last 2 weeks and I had observed some mannerisms/behaviours in him that I did myself. It was like looking into a mirror.
How my Son cut off all his clothing tags, like my Dad did and I do also. How my Son has an unusual walk without swinging his arms much, that blank stare, he doesn't talk while eating and zones out. His communication skills are not the best. His monotone voice and lack of facial expressions. Difficulty looking people in the eye when talking. All these behaviours were an epiphany and awoke me from my fake Neurotypical trance, and made me ask myself the question.
What if my Psychiatrist all those years ago was correct?
He was, and is.