I'm going to take a chance on appearing crazy here, but this event is what made me realize that something was wrong with me and soon after realized then went to specialist and diagnosed with autism.
A few years ago, paying my fourth of the expenses, I accepted the invitation and went to the beach with my youngest daughter and her family, my oldest daughter and her family and my youngest son and his family. The only thing I enjoyed about it was being with my grandkids.
Well, it started out funny when my 2 daughters and I went to stock up on groceries and I went on out with a buggy over flowing with stuff while they were paying for the last bit of stuff and when they came out I realized when they were laughing that I had just put all the groceries into the wrong vehicle. Ok - that would just give us something to laugh about the rest of the week.
By day three I was miserable and called my daughter in law to vent (she and my oldest son's lifestyle matches mine). I complained that there wasn't enough room in the fridge for food because all the beer. I complained that my son in law would sit up all night totally smashed then sleeping half the day and my daughter having to take care of the kids without his help. I complained that instead of going to the closest beach that was in walking distance to the house they had to drive golf carts 15 minutes down the beach to hang out with my other son in laws family, so I felt like I was having to impose on someone to drive me back to the house after 15-30 minutes on the beach and I couldn't take any more, so I quit riding to the beach with them but ended up staying at the house cleaning and doing dishes.
I wasn't going to go do things a lone and I wasn't going to spend $50 a day for my own golf cart (I'm on a limited income). And I complained because smoking pot and drinking every evening was just not something I enjoy being around at my age so there was nothing about the trip that I was enjoying.
I was out of my zone in every way and had nothing to do that I would be doing if I were home. I did mention in the evening taking a walk on the beach and they all ended up taking off and doing something else. Oh, they would bring sleeping kids back to the house for me to watch.
I know I should have kept my mouth shut but after my rant, my son in law walked out where I was and had my daughter come get him to join the rest at the water park.
My son cooked dinner that night - a terrible Mexican dish and he had corona beers with slices of lemon in them all set out for everyone. My daughter went to grab one and my son in law said, "You better not" then gave me a glance. She said she didn't care and got her beer. I ate what I could but still hungry but didn't want to insult my son's cooking and just said I was full.
They decided to go walk on the beach and I was riding on one of the carts with my oldest daughter and her group and my son in law said, let's just go here where your mom wants to go. So okay, now two things were said in regards to my rant and my son in law that I complained about not helping out my daughter was not even speaking to me (which went on for several months after).
I played with the kids on the beach since everyone else seemed to be giving me the cold shoulder then we went back to the house. They were all sitting on the patio as they had done every night and when I came out, they, one by one, went to the living room. When I joined them in the living room, they one by one left that room. So I went to my bedroom and hid out the rest of the night. I was hungry but no way was I leaving the bedroom to go get something to eat. They were all mad at me and it was obvious.
The next morning I loaded my stuff in the car. No one saying anything to me. I stood in the bathroom trying not to cry and trying to figure out how to make my escape and once I got enough nerve, I kind of just walked through giving each of the grandkids a hug and saying I was going home. No one questioned it or seemed to care.
I was so upset I got lost three times going home and what should have taken 4 hours, took 9. But I couldn't get over the strong need to hide from my own kids.
I tried to talk to them about what happened but they all say it was just my imagination and that no one was mad at me and that no one had heard anything about my rant. They made me feel like I was insane, but exact words I had said in my rant had been repeated in a sarcastic tone and the entire rest of the day too many things say differently.
I know now, with autism, when we feel a threat everything kind of goes out of whack but there were sooo many actions and words that I did not imagine. I've brought it up a few times and everyone says they don't remember any of it, while I remember every detail. But it still bothers me to this day and how could I feel so threatened by my own kids?
Sorry this is so long. But I would like other input.
A few years ago, paying my fourth of the expenses, I accepted the invitation and went to the beach with my youngest daughter and her family, my oldest daughter and her family and my youngest son and his family. The only thing I enjoyed about it was being with my grandkids.
Well, it started out funny when my 2 daughters and I went to stock up on groceries and I went on out with a buggy over flowing with stuff while they were paying for the last bit of stuff and when they came out I realized when they were laughing that I had just put all the groceries into the wrong vehicle. Ok - that would just give us something to laugh about the rest of the week.
By day three I was miserable and called my daughter in law to vent (she and my oldest son's lifestyle matches mine). I complained that there wasn't enough room in the fridge for food because all the beer. I complained that my son in law would sit up all night totally smashed then sleeping half the day and my daughter having to take care of the kids without his help. I complained that instead of going to the closest beach that was in walking distance to the house they had to drive golf carts 15 minutes down the beach to hang out with my other son in laws family, so I felt like I was having to impose on someone to drive me back to the house after 15-30 minutes on the beach and I couldn't take any more, so I quit riding to the beach with them but ended up staying at the house cleaning and doing dishes.
I wasn't going to go do things a lone and I wasn't going to spend $50 a day for my own golf cart (I'm on a limited income). And I complained because smoking pot and drinking every evening was just not something I enjoy being around at my age so there was nothing about the trip that I was enjoying.
I was out of my zone in every way and had nothing to do that I would be doing if I were home. I did mention in the evening taking a walk on the beach and they all ended up taking off and doing something else. Oh, they would bring sleeping kids back to the house for me to watch.
I know I should have kept my mouth shut but after my rant, my son in law walked out where I was and had my daughter come get him to join the rest at the water park.
My son cooked dinner that night - a terrible Mexican dish and he had corona beers with slices of lemon in them all set out for everyone. My daughter went to grab one and my son in law said, "You better not" then gave me a glance. She said she didn't care and got her beer. I ate what I could but still hungry but didn't want to insult my son's cooking and just said I was full.
They decided to go walk on the beach and I was riding on one of the carts with my oldest daughter and her group and my son in law said, let's just go here where your mom wants to go. So okay, now two things were said in regards to my rant and my son in law that I complained about not helping out my daughter was not even speaking to me (which went on for several months after).
I played with the kids on the beach since everyone else seemed to be giving me the cold shoulder then we went back to the house. They were all sitting on the patio as they had done every night and when I came out, they, one by one, went to the living room. When I joined them in the living room, they one by one left that room. So I went to my bedroom and hid out the rest of the night. I was hungry but no way was I leaving the bedroom to go get something to eat. They were all mad at me and it was obvious.
The next morning I loaded my stuff in the car. No one saying anything to me. I stood in the bathroom trying not to cry and trying to figure out how to make my escape and once I got enough nerve, I kind of just walked through giving each of the grandkids a hug and saying I was going home. No one questioned it or seemed to care.
I was so upset I got lost three times going home and what should have taken 4 hours, took 9. But I couldn't get over the strong need to hide from my own kids.
I tried to talk to them about what happened but they all say it was just my imagination and that no one was mad at me and that no one had heard anything about my rant. They made me feel like I was insane, but exact words I had said in my rant had been repeated in a sarcastic tone and the entire rest of the day too many things say differently.
I know now, with autism, when we feel a threat everything kind of goes out of whack but there were sooo many actions and words that I did not imagine. I've brought it up a few times and everyone says they don't remember any of it, while I remember every detail. But it still bothers me to this day and how could I feel so threatened by my own kids?
Sorry this is so long. But I would like other input.