I want to get my obsession with Autism out of my system

[jamesaldrin]

I just found out that I have Aspergers five months ago. Since then, I've sort of not stopped thinking about it. I see myself under the lenses of someone with Autism. Like, I don't see myself as "James Aldrin". I see myself as "Guy with Autism James Aldrin." All of my achievments, memories, failures are clouded with the idea that they were influenced by autism. Obviously autism influences me, but I don't want to see it as the controller of my life anymore.

I want to return to being "James Aldrin."

I want to think of myself as James Aldrin, who just happens to have autism but autism is just something that he happens to has; it does not define him.

(James Aldrin, by the way, is a made-up name. There is a story behind it.)

Before I was diagnosed, but after years of teaching myself social skills, I was able to blend in well [edit: I guess this is just denial. I blended in okay, but not well]. I still had obsessions and would stim when nobody was watching, and had to force good body language, but I got close. To people who got to know me, I was still noticeably different from others, but would often pass as quiet or mysterious (to a former love-interest) or nerdy. Even if they knew that something was up with me (one guy knew that I had autism before I even did) though, it was okay. I found friends who accepted me as who I am and even celebrated my uniqueness.

The diagnosis shook me up and put a dent in my motivation. This will only be temporary; I won't let it be permanent.

I guess that I shouldn't look to the past. I can not return to a time before I was diagnosed. I must look to a future instead. I must look to becoming, as I have said above, "James Aldrin, a normal guy who just happens to have autism." I already have thought / still think of myself as a normal guy who just happens to be into feet (sexually). This shouldn't be much different.

I think I know how to do this. I have planned it out. Whenever I obsess over something, I need to flush it out. To do that, I need to indulge in my obsession for however long it takes until it naturally finishes its course. I was addicted to the website "reddit" for a half year and wanted to stop. I couldn't stop; I would come straight back to it if I tried to hold myself back. After indulging in reddit for a half year, though, it started to die down as other interests replaced it. So, I will do the same with Aspiescentral.

I will indulge in Aspiescentral to my heart's content. I will indulge in my Aspergers diagnosis to my hearts content. And soon, likely in a few months time, my obsession will fade, and Aspergers will become just another "era" in my life.

I am open to suggestions about other methods, but have confidence in this method.

 

[Warmheart]

You must allow yourself to process your diagnosis. It takes time to go through the Kubler-Ross stages. (Google them if you like.) Some may not need to process in this way. I did. Progress is not linear. You cannot rush acceptance. Give it time. Then, give the time... some time.

Eventually, you will feel at peace about this. It will be a comfortable part of your identity. I am wishing you gentle progress.

 

[StephF]

I hope you manage to process your diagnosis in a timely manner. When I got my diagnosis I found that it help me understand myself and my behaviour.

 

[gregmcph]

I find with obsessions that there comes a time when I have read pretty much everything people have to say about it, and I have said everything I have to say, and it's getting repetitive. Then it starts to fade.

One thing about this place is that I read posts by people having a really awful rough time with their life. People who are barely hanging on. And I want to just hug them and fix it all for them.

What they show me is that my weird awkward antisocial head is small troubles compared to a lot of folks. I function, and can generally muddle through the world. I ought to be grateful for that.

 

[OkRad]

It is hard to break free of labels, especially if you need help and the insuarnce demands something on the paper!!

But Labels hurt a lot. I noticed that just lately as I have had many thrown at me. A human being is just too complex for labels, and that is why they hurt so much. They clap us into a box that is too small and then others see it and believe it and then you are start acting like you belong in that box.

 

[brookegaf]

I've just gone through/ am going through a similar experience as I was only diagnosed 2 years ago. Although, I have only accepted it for the past 6 months.

I find that when I'm bored or have little to occupy my mind I can become obsessive with finding out about everything to do with asd. I'm now struggling to find a link or a video I haven't clicked on.

I think it's expected that an individual who has felt different for a majority of their life will become quite occupied with the answer once it's given to them.

Just try and find supportive people that will be eager to listen when you discover something new or realise a certain behavior.

I also try to focus on the good things that come with it as well..like recently I realised that when I recall definitions from my cue cards I can actually see the physical cue card in my memory (good visual memory) which was exciting. So that's now something that I can try and develop and work on.

I'm not sure about it becoming just an everyday thing that you gain full acceptance of as I'm not there yet. I hope one day that people like you and I can just freely express ourselves without having to self analyze to the point that it's happening now.

 

[sabrdawg]

Since my diagnosis almost 3 years ago, I've claimed "autistic" and "Aspie" as titles I carry with pride. I'm still me, I just now know that I'm autistic me. Just as I'm a Sonic fanatic, Android tinkerer and animal lover. They're all a big part of who I am

 

[Bolletje]

I think it's pretty normal to view your past, present and future as related to your newly diagnosed Aspergers for some time after your diagnosis. I did that as well, for a time there was nothing else I could think about. And then it faded into the background. I wouldn't think about it for weeks.

I came to these forums 1,5 years after diagnosis because I thought it would be helpful to have some like-minded individuals to talk to. Sure, I think about Aspergers every day now, but it's not in an obsessive way. I think of myself as Eva, with hopes and dreams, talents and flaws, who happens to also have Aspergers. I come to these forums to help people that are still processing, to laugh with relief when I see some of the shared struggles of everyday life, and to decompress when I have days that aren't as good as I want them to be.

I understand wanting to get it all out of your system, just know that this is also a great spot to hang out when you've accepted and processed being Aspie. You can hang out here without letting your Aspergers define you as well.

 

[cory]

I think this whole process has been akin to when I was first diagnosed bipolar. I made a cry for help to a handful of friends at the time. I haven't been looked at or treated the same ever since (15 years ago) and a couple just dropped off the map instantly. It essentially made the worst part of my life even worse by talking about it. I kind of feel like I'm in the same situation; anyone I would want to talk with will look at me with complete incredulity. It's a catch-22.