I passed autism to my daughter.

[kyliewyote]

Life will be life for each and every one of us. Highs and lows, no matter what we do and who are are.

Your concern shows that you will pass on love.

As a parent, and the challenges I've been through, my 9-year-old daughter can make it through anything, because more than anything else, she knows she is loved.

Sounds like you are too.....

 

[Naturalist]

Think how lucky your daughter is to have a Dad who already has learned some of the important ropes of being a healthy, balanced, well-informed Aspie. It is only natural as a loving father to worry about how she may do in life. She may have exceptional success to go along with her exceptional gifts, many of which may yet be undiscovered. She may surprise you. She may surpass you. She will have both a diagnosis and a supportive parent on her side going forward. What a lucky girl she is to have such a caring Dad!

My son isn't an Aspie, but he does have some of my Aspie quirks, if that makes sense, and my husband frequently "blames" me for those. I am gradually beginning to reach the awareness which Warmheart describes, but it is hard, especially because you want to set a good example, but often the role models which are held up to us parents as "good parenting" are NTs . Many of the traits that make them "successful parents" aren't options for me--and actually, much of the advice I get from such parents doesn't work with my son, even if I can manage to follow through on it.

Best wishes Rocco, most of all make sure she knows she isn't flawed or defective because of being Aspie.

 

[Karin]

often the role models which are held up to us parents as "good parenting" are NTs .

Let's throw that idea in the trash! I guess I've never known how to be a NT parent but I'm a darn good parent to my two children. I threw out the books on how to do things very early on. I wasn't supposed to go to my son and comfort him when he cried in the night as a baby. Seriously???

I've raised my kids with respect being the most important issue - my respect for them as humans, expecting respect in return. The best parent is the one that truly sees the child and see what they need as humans.

 

[Ylva]

I wasn't supposed to go to my son and comfort him when he cried in the night as a baby. Seriously???

I think it's based on not teaching them that crying "works", which always seemed misguided. They keep learning after they're not babies anymore, after all.

 

[Karin]

I think it's based on not teaching them that crying "works", which always seemed misguided. They keep learning after they're not babies anymore, after all.

Yes, that is the idea. Just always thought it was a load of crap A child that cries during the night needs attention.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I wasn't supposed to go to my son and comfort him when he cried in the night as a baby. Seriously???

Which is hilarious since one of the "causes" of autism is letting your kids cry it out instead of trying to keep the deliriously happy 24/7. Besides, how do those people even know that the kid ain't cryin' because they got a foot stuck or they're hungry? Did they forget the part that kids wake up to eat almost hourly when they're itty bitty?

 

[Ylva]

Besides, what is supposed to work? Asking politely?

 

[Dee317]

I'm a bit overwhelmed fully accepting that my youngest daughter is an Aspie just like me. It really hit me hard today when I realized and fully comprehended what it means. Now I am honestly scared. For her and for me. I don't know how to interact with people sometimes. It makes it harder to judge how much space to allow her, or how much of her unique stims and behaviors to allow/not.
Where to draw the line against antisocial behavior? For the same things I do.
Her sisters and mother are all NT, and they get upset by her stims at times. Reasonably so, to an NT. I recognize some of her patterns and promptly defend her noises or what ever movement. No matter how obnoxious or annoying the sound or action is.
We have a good family life but now I worry about her having to navigate life with this spectrum. At least we are aware before 10years old for her. I didn't figure it out for my self until age 32/33.

I am hesitant about her accommodations being viewed as favoritism by her older sisters.

Any other asd parents with asd kids around here?

I am the mother of a 7 year old aspie, she was diagnosed in November. I have taken 3 tests and they all came up as me also having aspergers. I suck my thumb, so when she does it I know how she feels, it helps us level out when we feel like we want to jump out of our bodies. It doesn't bother me, but typical people seem to have a big problem with it. I'm not very social and spend most of my life inside my house. I know how you feel. How am I to teach her the importance of a social life when I don't have one myself? In my opinion having a few friends that I see once or twice a month is fine. All I see when people are in each others space is that it causes unnecessary drama and stress on their lives.

 

[clg114]

I am the mother of a 7 year old aspie, she was diagnosed in November. I have taken 3 tests and they all came up as me also having aspergers. I suck my thumb, so when she does it I know how she feels, it helps us level out when we feel like we want to jump out of our bodies. It doesn't bother me, but typical people seem to have a big problem with it. I'm not very social and spend most of my life inside my house. I know how you feel. How am I to teach her the importance of a social life when I don't have one myself? In my opinion having a few friends that I see once or twice a month is fine. All I see when people are in each others space is that it causes unnecessary drama and stress on their lives.

You have a few friends that you see once or twice a month? That seems like a pretty active social life to me.

"All I see when people are in each others spaces is that it causes unnecessary drama and stress on their lives" You are right about that.

My youngest son is a Aspie, he is thirty-four years old. He lives a good life, as do I. We raised him to be a good person, not a socialite. I would not worry about teaching your daughter the importance of a social life when there are much more important things to teach her.

 

[Dee317]

You have a few friends that you see once or twice a month? That seems like a pretty active social life to me.

"All I see when people are in each others spaces is that it causes unnecessary drama and stress on their lives" You are right about that.

My youngest son is a Aspie, he is thirty-four years old. He lives a good life, as do I. We raised him to be a good person, not a socialite. I would not worry about teaching your daughter the importance of a social life when there are much more important things to teach her.

I have a friend that I have known since first grade, she is extremely social and heavily accepting of people as they are. She doesn't even leave people who are addicted to drugs, she trying to help them, she walks right into my house uninvited to "kidnap" me and brings me to stores to shop for things she knows I'm interested in, crafts, home design. I couldn't get rid of this friend if I tried, she comes by about once a month. I made another friend a few years back who doesn't work Tuesday or Thursday, she hates being alone so she kidnaps me to bring me to thrift shops, I enjoy her, we are both very cheap, so we like to search for items that are under a dollar that would have been way more. I enjoy touching all of the fabrics, EXCEPT WOOL...I HATE WOOL!!!!

 

[AspiePie]

So she is intelligent and might make the passage to becoming the 1%.. Why does this concern you?

 

[clg114]

I have a friend that I have known since first grade, she is extremely social and heavily accepting of people as they are. She doesn't even leave people who are addicted to drugs, she trying to help them, she walks right into my house uninvited to "kidnap" me and brings me to stores to shop for things she knows I'm interested in, crafts, home design. I couldn't get rid of this friend if I tried, she comes by about once a month. I made another friend a few years back who doesn't work Tuesday or Thursday, she hates being alone so she kidnaps me to bring me to thrift shops, I enjoy her, we are both very cheap, so we like to search for items that are under a dollar that would have been way more. I enjoy touching all of the fabrics, EXCEPT WOOL...I HATE WOOL!!!!

That sounds like a friend that you should keep in touch with. Really good friends are hard to come by.

I hate wool also, can not stand to have it touch my skin.

 

[paloftoon]

I am the mother of a 7 year old aspie, she was diagnosed in November. I have taken 3 tests and they all came up as me also having aspergers. I suck my thumb, so when she does it I know how she feels, it helps us level out when we feel like we want to jump out of our bodies. It doesn't bother me, but typical people seem to have a big problem with it. I'm not very social and spend most of my life inside my house. I know how you feel. How am I to teach her the importance of a social life when I don't have one myself? In my opinion having a few friends that I see once or twice a month is fine. All I see when people are in each others space is that it causes unnecessary drama and stress on their lives.

Just like how you have an extreme sensitivity for wool, many people have an extreme sensitivity for people who sucks their thumbs that are not babies because they automatically imagine you as a baby and feel as if they cannot relate to you. They may also feel that if they hang around you, then other people will disassociate themselves because the "image" they notice will make them feel uncomfortable. While it is good to be your own individual, it is also good to be able to try to survive in our world too, and that may even mean if you have to find a private place to suck your thumb if you absolutely must do so.

The best way to get your daughter involved more socially is to attempt to do it yourself at the same time that she is doing so. If you live near a big city, consider meetup.com. You can try to find others who have similar interests to you and may be more accepting of your nuances or at least willing to be more open to you in-person. No matter where you are, try to level off with that person as much as possible. Good luck!

 

[Dee317]

Just like how you have an extreme sensitivity for wool, many people have an extreme sensitivity for people who sucks their thumbs that are not babies because they automatically imagine you as a baby and feel as if they cannot relate to you. They may also feel that if they hang around you, then other people will disassociate themselves because the "image" they notice will make them feel uncomfortable. While it is good to be your own individual, it is also good to be able to try to survive in our world too, and that may even mean if you have to find a private place to suck your thumb if you absolutely must do so.

The best way to get your daughter involved more socially is to attempt to do it yourself at the same time that she is doing so. If you live near a big city, consider meetup.com. You can try to find others who have similar interests to you and may be more accepting of your nuances or at least willing to be more open to you in-person. No matter where you are, try to level off with that person as much as possible. Good luck!

I don't suck my thumb outside of the house, or in front of anyone except my husband and children. My daughter has many more sensory issues than I do. I try to talk to her about it but just like me at her age, she is in her own world with little concern about how the world sees her. For the social aspect, I am hoping once she gets a tss worker we will explore options and more of the world together. We usually do everything as a family unit, I feel safer with my husband with me. He is my rock.

 

[zurb]

For a moment I thought Harrison was back, then realized it was a year old thread :-(