What a nightmare.
I've been very lonely most of my life for reasons that anyone on this forum can probably imagine and I'm also an anxious wreck specially this past year so when I made a friend for the first time in a long time last year I felt like things were looking up.
She mentioned the BPD from the start and I had some experience with a family member with the same diagnosis so I thought I had an idea of what I was getting into. Narrator's voice: he didn't.
The levels of attention and affection from her were intoxicating, they can make you feel like you're the most important person in the world,
Of course, it was also a challenge from the start, one wrong word, one imaginary offense and you better be ready for hours of some very animated talks about it.
Still, I had never been afraid of anything like that. In some way I enjoyed the emotional intensity, even the negative one.
Until I asked her for a couple of weeks away to recover for a bit, it was supposedly fine but when they passed it was as if she was a different person, from the closest friend imaginable to some mild acquaintance.
And when I asked why things had changed so drastically? she simply kept saying they hadn't, it was all the same. Something blatantly untrue.
Now it's been a few months of doubled loneliness for me, what I already carried and sort of detox I'm having to do from all that she gave me and it's made things all much worse for me.
I'll probably fully cut the friendship once (if?) I feel a little less anxious, she probably won't like it, but it seems for the best.
She's honestly not a bad person, nowhere near as toxic as other cases, she has done all she could to get better but sometimes that's just not enough. The mistake was honestly mine, thinking somebody in my condition can ever properly manage something like this and not following my instinct that from the start was telling me there was something not right here.
Sigh, I only wanted to make a good friend. Unlucky.
Now if you excuse me, I need to go back to my loneliness induced constant anxiety attacks.
I've been very lonely most of my life for reasons that anyone on this forum can probably imagine and I'm also an anxious wreck specially this past year so when I made a friend for the first time in a long time last year I felt like things were looking up.
She mentioned the BPD from the start and I had some experience with a family member with the same diagnosis so I thought I had an idea of what I was getting into. Narrator's voice: he didn't.
The levels of attention and affection from her were intoxicating, they can make you feel like you're the most important person in the world,
Of course, it was also a challenge from the start, one wrong word, one imaginary offense and you better be ready for hours of some very animated talks about it.
Still, I had never been afraid of anything like that. In some way I enjoyed the emotional intensity, even the negative one.
Until I asked her for a couple of weeks away to recover for a bit, it was supposedly fine but when they passed it was as if she was a different person, from the closest friend imaginable to some mild acquaintance.
And when I asked why things had changed so drastically? she simply kept saying they hadn't, it was all the same. Something blatantly untrue.
Now it's been a few months of doubled loneliness for me, what I already carried and sort of detox I'm having to do from all that she gave me and it's made things all much worse for me.
I'll probably fully cut the friendship once (if?) I feel a little less anxious, she probably won't like it, but it seems for the best.
She's honestly not a bad person, nowhere near as toxic as other cases, she has done all she could to get better but sometimes that's just not enough. The mistake was honestly mine, thinking somebody in my condition can ever properly manage something like this and not following my instinct that from the start was telling me there was something not right here.
Sigh, I only wanted to make a good friend. Unlucky.
Now if you excuse me, I need to go back to my loneliness induced constant anxiety attacks.