edo18vm
New Member
Hi everyone, I am a 26 year old cisgender male and I am not sure if I am on the spectrum and I would like to see if someone has a similar experience to mine and maybe I could get some advice from diagnosed people.
So let's start from the beginning. I am a quadruplet, born in Costa Rica and since I remember I had very acute social anxiety, I struggled talking with anyone but my 3 brothers (even though I never talked about personal stuff with anyone, even them). We went the same classroom through kindergarten and 6 years of school and i struggled to make friends then. Also I had some pretty weird hobbies (in hindsight) like building habitats for spiders and caterpillars and feeding them, nurturing them until they turned into butterflies. Also I have had a life long romance with drawing, which eventually turned into my profession. In my childhood I spent days crafting worlds and characters which I would play in and imagine I could visit and I clearly remember wishing I could give life to my drawings or transform them into toys. During these years I was very very timid and avoided people, specially boys and sports, since I found them strange and loud.
In high school my siblings and I were separated into separate classrooms to improve our social lives and make us more independent but I really had no idea what to do, I was very awkward around people and I remember the pain it caused me trying to talk to my classmates, specially girls. I had some crushed and breakdowns because I couldn't hope to talk to them and I made some really idiotic romantic gestures which failed pretty badly. I also was incredibly afraid of public speaking and that kind of stuff but also excelled in every course without too much effort.
Eventually I decided to get better at the whole social thing so I began studying things like human expression, psychology and body language, talking to girls, etc, reading everything I could on the topics and trying to improve my confidence. Eventually I got pretty good at appearing confident and learned a lot about human behavior so I started getting friends and even a girlfriend. The thing is I always felt like I was different and faking it during this time and I really really wanted to go to college and get away from my town.
In College I studied graphic design, because as I said I always loved drawing and I was pretty good at it and I felt better because people seemed to be weirder but I still felt a little off. At this time I met the girl that is now my wife and dating her I felt much more comfortable but I still tried to maintain the facade for many years, hoping I would not ruin our relationship so I was a little distant and uninvolved at the start.
Anyway, fast forward, I excelled again at college and was first of my class and eventually graduated. I work as a freelancer from my house and feel pretty good at the moment, like I feel my dark days are way past behind. I got married to my long term girlfriend 2 days ago and I think I finally feel like I have someone I can share anything with and be myself.
I experienced what I would call breakdowns some times, like in a really crowded museum or in a bullfighting show, where I have had to tell my girlfriend I need to leave immediately and started crying.
Recently, watching some youtube channels and series I felt really identified with autistic people sharing their experiences but I never ever would have imagined I could have ASD before, specially because I have always had an easy time in academics. The thing is I don't know if it's actually possible or may be if I am just being dramatic. I have a psychiatrist aunt and have always been very close, she has said before to me that I have anxiety and am obsessive but she has never mentioned that I may have some kind of ASD.
By now I have read a ton of articles about ASD and made 4 or 5 tests which all resulted in High Functioning Autism or similar things (but they are not diagnostics). Some traits I seem to have are: very obsessive mind (I work almost all day and do little else, research random topics with high intensity, talk about topics until people say are bored), very sensitive to stimulus and random stuff (like on the breakdown examples, or when I hear I sudden noise I might get upset), people sometimes get upset because of things I say but I don't understand why and my wife tells me they are offended, i get tired in social situations (even if I have come to enjoy some) and I am very very goal oriented and get upset if something or someone changes my plans or there is an unexpected interruption when I work, my wife also has told me several times I tend to act robot like and I need to show more emotion and express affection to my family and friends.
Right now I feel really good and have an amazing life, I don't really feel in distress but I am not sure what should I do.
Anyways, thanks to anyone who reads this long post and any insight you can give me.
So let's start from the beginning. I am a quadruplet, born in Costa Rica and since I remember I had very acute social anxiety, I struggled talking with anyone but my 3 brothers (even though I never talked about personal stuff with anyone, even them). We went the same classroom through kindergarten and 6 years of school and i struggled to make friends then. Also I had some pretty weird hobbies (in hindsight) like building habitats for spiders and caterpillars and feeding them, nurturing them until they turned into butterflies. Also I have had a life long romance with drawing, which eventually turned into my profession. In my childhood I spent days crafting worlds and characters which I would play in and imagine I could visit and I clearly remember wishing I could give life to my drawings or transform them into toys. During these years I was very very timid and avoided people, specially boys and sports, since I found them strange and loud.
In high school my siblings and I were separated into separate classrooms to improve our social lives and make us more independent but I really had no idea what to do, I was very awkward around people and I remember the pain it caused me trying to talk to my classmates, specially girls. I had some crushed and breakdowns because I couldn't hope to talk to them and I made some really idiotic romantic gestures which failed pretty badly. I also was incredibly afraid of public speaking and that kind of stuff but also excelled in every course without too much effort.
Eventually I decided to get better at the whole social thing so I began studying things like human expression, psychology and body language, talking to girls, etc, reading everything I could on the topics and trying to improve my confidence. Eventually I got pretty good at appearing confident and learned a lot about human behavior so I started getting friends and even a girlfriend. The thing is I always felt like I was different and faking it during this time and I really really wanted to go to college and get away from my town.
In College I studied graphic design, because as I said I always loved drawing and I was pretty good at it and I felt better because people seemed to be weirder but I still felt a little off. At this time I met the girl that is now my wife and dating her I felt much more comfortable but I still tried to maintain the facade for many years, hoping I would not ruin our relationship so I was a little distant and uninvolved at the start.
Anyway, fast forward, I excelled again at college and was first of my class and eventually graduated. I work as a freelancer from my house and feel pretty good at the moment, like I feel my dark days are way past behind. I got married to my long term girlfriend 2 days ago and I think I finally feel like I have someone I can share anything with and be myself.
I experienced what I would call breakdowns some times, like in a really crowded museum or in a bullfighting show, where I have had to tell my girlfriend I need to leave immediately and started crying.
Recently, watching some youtube channels and series I felt really identified with autistic people sharing their experiences but I never ever would have imagined I could have ASD before, specially because I have always had an easy time in academics. The thing is I don't know if it's actually possible or may be if I am just being dramatic. I have a psychiatrist aunt and have always been very close, she has said before to me that I have anxiety and am obsessive but she has never mentioned that I may have some kind of ASD.
By now I have read a ton of articles about ASD and made 4 or 5 tests which all resulted in High Functioning Autism or similar things (but they are not diagnostics). Some traits I seem to have are: very obsessive mind (I work almost all day and do little else, research random topics with high intensity, talk about topics until people say are bored), very sensitive to stimulus and random stuff (like on the breakdown examples, or when I hear I sudden noise I might get upset), people sometimes get upset because of things I say but I don't understand why and my wife tells me they are offended, i get tired in social situations (even if I have come to enjoy some) and I am very very goal oriented and get upset if something or someone changes my plans or there is an unexpected interruption when I work, my wife also has told me several times I tend to act robot like and I need to show more emotion and express affection to my family and friends.
Right now I feel really good and have an amazing life, I don't really feel in distress but I am not sure what should I do.
Anyways, thanks to anyone who reads this long post and any insight you can give me.
