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I am dating someone with high functioning autism

I

inemomo

New Member
Hi everyone.

I recently started dating a guy who has high functioning autism. He is very different from all the men that I have met. I really like him, but we are experiencing some hiccups, which has a bit got to do with my depression (I am struggling financially, and my brother is suicidal and that's been really rough, which I can get into later) and uncertainty, but it may also has to do with his autism.
After reading so many internet posts and forum, which most I found really misleading, I decided I should just join one and post my own concerns. I hope you can help me. Thank you,

momo
 
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I think it's a great idea for you to learn more about aspergers. Your relationship will benefit enormously. There are wonderful reading resources about these days. "22 Things" by Rudy Simone is a good place to start.
Do you speak with your bf about his aspergers? An open communication has helped me. I have one friend I can joke about being "so aspie" at times and can also talk about the darker things that come with ASD and stop the thoughts from spiralling.

Post a thread on the topic you want feedback on if you can't find something already posted. It's a pretty friendly group on here who genuinely want to help others and get insight into our own selves in the process... win-win :D
 
I am high functioning and recently married my NT wife.

Things to know:
- i am resistent to change and things that i can not 'quantify', i prefer to do anything major only in ideal situations, ie after having removed al potential risks, so it tool us 7 years to get married
- i don't feel things the way she does, i express love more as loyalty and reliability rather than grand emotional theatrics
- she has had to learn to deal with my: taking things literally, my resistance to any and all social events, my needs for isolation and quiet, my need for structure and organisation
- i have learned what is 'expected' of me as a boyfriend/husband: ie needing to listen to things that don't don't interest me at all, understanding that she has legitimate needs that i do not share to the same extent (social activities etc) but that we need to compromise (ie we do go but either we leave after max three hours, or i find an excuse and i leave on my own), that sometimes my bare bones logic way of dealing with problems and being supportive of her needs to be wrapped in 'empathy'

it does work, you however both need to understand what you are getting into, need to be willing to accept each others shortcomings and needs and compromise where necessary. Remember the 'rosey love' bubble will pass after a few months, all that will be left is two people with two personalities and a commitment through 'time served'.

The relationship will survive if for both partners the current and expected future (benefits + comfort of time served) are greater than (costs and peak stress during stressful events + baggage incurred during time served + perceived stress of starting over).

So talking is real important.
 
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