Isabel
Member
I have been seeing a man that I believe to be on the spectrum. Everything I have read about it seems to fit him perfectly. Sadly I have only come to realize this possibility now...
After two months of dating, trying to keep up with his immense speed of moving into a serious relationship and having a fantastically great time together whenever we see each other he had suddenly built this massive wall around himself. Next time I saw him I just couldn't get through to him. I didnt understand what was happening.
Long story short. He got me to a point where I said "this just wont work". We parted ways and I haven't really hear from him since.
After thinking and thinking and trying to reconstruct how we got to this point and what had happened I came up with the following theory:
He isn't very good with keeping in contact when we don't see each other and doesn't seem to understand what a normal time frame of response is. I tried to cope with this since I understood from the beginning that he is very busy and means no harm. But I did try to speak to him about this twice or thrice and I think he at some point convinced himself that I was very upset with our situation, but that he couldn't give me more attention in between seeing each other, and therefore I was going to break it off. That would explain why he prepared himself for a breakup, building a wall around himself etc (he also brought books I had lent him to our last conversation obviously prepared for the outcome of a breakup)
Two days after our last meeting, I wrote him a very calm and gentle but very long email about what I had thought had happened ("this is my mediocre attempt to reconstruct how we got to this point that came so out of the blue for me") as well as that I had no hard feelings but that I was just sad and confused about how we got there.
He wrote back two days later that he was going to read it carefully as well as: "Do you want a reply? When do you want a reply?" I wrote "I want to see you and talk about it".
All this happened within four days more than a week ago and I am still waiting for his reply. I really really like this man. He is something special and we connect on so many levels, levels I have never connected with anyone on. If I can help it, I really want to make this work.
My question to you out there with Aspergers is what I should do now...
- Can I contact him again and ask specifically to meet and talk this weekend? He seems to do better with explicit questions and timeframes then open statements like "I want to see you and talk"
- If I can contact him, how should i do it? How can I make sure I don't make him feel cornered?
- Should i let him have more time and come back to me when he is ready?
- How much time is more time? When should I accept that he wont come back and that I have to move on?
- What might he be going through right now? He seemed extremely sad when we parted ways. I know he's a very sweet and emotional man, even if it is harder for him to show sometimes.
I am just afraid that if we dont talk soon, and I dont manage to show him that I am willing to try his way and adjust to his communication style I will have given up the chance of making this work.
Any advice is welcome!!
After two months of dating, trying to keep up with his immense speed of moving into a serious relationship and having a fantastically great time together whenever we see each other he had suddenly built this massive wall around himself. Next time I saw him I just couldn't get through to him. I didnt understand what was happening.
Long story short. He got me to a point where I said "this just wont work". We parted ways and I haven't really hear from him since.
After thinking and thinking and trying to reconstruct how we got to this point and what had happened I came up with the following theory:
He isn't very good with keeping in contact when we don't see each other and doesn't seem to understand what a normal time frame of response is. I tried to cope with this since I understood from the beginning that he is very busy and means no harm. But I did try to speak to him about this twice or thrice and I think he at some point convinced himself that I was very upset with our situation, but that he couldn't give me more attention in between seeing each other, and therefore I was going to break it off. That would explain why he prepared himself for a breakup, building a wall around himself etc (he also brought books I had lent him to our last conversation obviously prepared for the outcome of a breakup)
Two days after our last meeting, I wrote him a very calm and gentle but very long email about what I had thought had happened ("this is my mediocre attempt to reconstruct how we got to this point that came so out of the blue for me") as well as that I had no hard feelings but that I was just sad and confused about how we got there.
He wrote back two days later that he was going to read it carefully as well as: "Do you want a reply? When do you want a reply?" I wrote "I want to see you and talk about it".
All this happened within four days more than a week ago and I am still waiting for his reply. I really really like this man. He is something special and we connect on so many levels, levels I have never connected with anyone on. If I can help it, I really want to make this work.
My question to you out there with Aspergers is what I should do now...
- Can I contact him again and ask specifically to meet and talk this weekend? He seems to do better with explicit questions and timeframes then open statements like "I want to see you and talk"
- If I can contact him, how should i do it? How can I make sure I don't make him feel cornered?
- Should i let him have more time and come back to me when he is ready?
- How much time is more time? When should I accept that he wont come back and that I have to move on?
- What might he be going through right now? He seemed extremely sad when we parted ways. I know he's a very sweet and emotional man, even if it is harder for him to show sometimes.
I am just afraid that if we dont talk soon, and I dont manage to show him that I am willing to try his way and adjust to his communication style I will have given up the chance of making this work.
Any advice is welcome!!
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