How do you feel after a breakup?

[Salmongirl17]

Today my longest relationship I've had came to an end because I'm pretty sure my crush/boyfriend thought I was cheating even though I'm not.

I was wondering, just how do aspies react to this sort of thing? Today I got home from school and was really angry/upset/miserable and wanted the world to end. Just an hour or two later, however, I was happy(ish) and actually feeling a bit crazy. That's typical for me to act hyper and all, bit I seemed so depressed that I was... I don't even have a word for it. Lets just say i wanted the world to end and maybe even revenge...?

So just reply to this, what are your feelings on the aftermath of a breakup?

 

[Daniel]

Yes... Up, down, crazy, mad... That sounds about right!

Grieving involves anger, sadness, more anger, more sadness... but eventually (hopefully) acceptance.

And you're quite young, too. (I didn't have my first heartbreak until I was 18.) Breakups are never easy, but the first ones are pretty intense. As you get more experience, you get wiser and develop coping skills. It's never easy, but you get more used to it. Good that you're getting that experience now!

Aspies feel things pretty strongly, but I have a hunch breakups aren't any easier for NTs!

 

[Judge]

I don't even have a word for it

It's always "devastating" for me. Whether I initiated it or not.

 

[Salmongirl17]

Thanks!

 

[Stacey]

My last break up was over 2 years ago...I've been celibate since. I felt relieved that he was never coming back. Although I did have deep feeling for him, he was an ass. He was always going to be an ass too. I chose to cut my losses...packed his overnight bag, opened the front door, and flung him and his pyjamas down the steps. We haven't spoken since.
On the plus side, I enjoy looking like crap in the morning, and not having to worry about my morning breath. I enjoy wearing no bra under my boyish clothes, eating chocolate for breakfast and farting in bed. Yep, I just 'went' there. I couldn't do ANY of that on the nights my ex stayed over. I couldn't really relax and he ate too much of my food.

It just dawned on me that I'll fooooorever be alone.

(Thank you God for peanut butter and Amazon)

 

[Judge]

It just dawned on me that I'll fooooorever be alone.

I suspect that may well be my fate as well. Has been for a very long time. That said, I'm not even sure if it's such a bad thing.

Right now my primary focus is on survival. Love will just have to take a number for now. Still have my humor though.

 

[Daniel]

On the plus side, I enjoy looking like crap in the morning, and not having to worry about my morning breath. I enjoy wearing no bra under my boyish clothes, eating chocolate for breakfast and farting in bed. Yep, I just 'went' there. I couldn't do ANY of that on the nights my ex stayed over.

Gotta say... low maintenance women are where it's at!

I suspect that may well be my fate as well. Has been for a very long time. That said, I'm not even sure if it's such a bad thing.

Yes, I'm starting to get more comfortable with the prospect of solitude. "Freedom to be myself", as I like to think of it!

I hope I don't give in to compromising my relationship with myself again. I'd rather be alone that not be with me.

 

[Judge]

I hope I don't give in to compromising my relationship with myself again. I'd rather be alone that not be with me.

It's quite often a "razor's edge" to walk. A very fine line between compromise and emotional disaster.

 

[sidamo]

The doubt and anxiety before the beakup are bad in my experience but the actual breakup can be a great relief. A relationship that was almost happening but then didn't materialize was harder to cope with, once. Letting go of my own dreams was painful, apparently. It can seem heartless from the ex's point of view to see me walking off so relieved and happy and energized but that's how it is. Different things are differently hard or easy for different people. Over time, if even the post-relationship friendship has become impossible, I can begin to feel a lingering pain, a sorrow that seems to never really go away even though it does not cause me to be really miserable. I would prefer to be on friendly terms with all exes but some can't do that.

 

[ShatteredUniverse]

I feel like ripping a hole in the fabric of reality, jumping in, and sealing the rift behind me during times like this.

 

[abby normal]

life goes on. one can choose to go on with it or to remain mired in the quicksand of terminal sadness. don't let bad thoughts live rent-free in your head, evict them with extreme prejudice!

 

[Thea]

I'm really unexperienced with relationships. I've had two. First one lasted 3 weeks. Latest one ended 2 days ago after 7 months. Was really unexpected and I cried but now I think I've gone a little numb. I'm starting to get kind of angry. He dumped me out of the blue without even trying to talk to me first. It makes it frustrating because now my mind's kind of fixating on what if I did something without realising it that made him not want to be with me. What if it's something I'll repeat next time. In all honesty though, once I've recovered from this relationship, I'll date again. Assuming anyone asks me out because I haven't figured out how to ask someone out yet. I crave touch. It's part of who I am but I have to really trust people before I can let them touch me. My family are close enough but it's not the same level of intimacy you have with a partner where you can lay there just curled around each other. If you hug other people too long the get weirded out. I'd happily hug someone for hours.

 

[abby normal]

I'm really unexperienced with relationships. I've had two. First one lasted 3 weeks. Latest one ended 2 days ago after 7 months. Was really unexpected and I cried but now I think I've gone a little numb. I'm starting to get kind of angry. He dumped me out of the blue without even trying to talk to me first. It makes it frustrating because now my mind's kind of fixating on what if I did something without realising it that made him not want to be with me. What if it's something I'll repeat next time. In all honesty though, once I've recovered from this relationship, I'll date again. Assuming anyone asks me out because I haven't figured out how to ask someone out yet. I crave touch. It's part of who I am but I have to really trust people before I can let them touch me. My family are close enough but it's not the same level of intimacy you have with a partner where you can lay there just curled around each other. If you hug other people too long the get weirded out. I'd happily hug someone for hours.

you are young [plenty of time left] and will find somebody deserving of you, don't worry.

 

[Ereth]

I'm really inexperienced with relationships. I've had two. First one lasted 3 weeks. Latest one ended 2 days ago after 7 months. Was really unexpected and I cried but now I think I've gone a little numb. I'm starting to get kind of angry. He dumped me out of the blue without even trying to talk to me first.

If your latest ex just dropped you without even giving you a reason, then obviously that person has some problems of his own to work out, so don't beat yourself up too much. I've not gone through a breakup yet (I'm currently in my first and so far only real relationship), but if it happens, I'll expect to at least discuss why things aren't going to work out instead of just saying, "I'm done with you. Bye!"

 

[King_Oni]

It depends on the relationship. One time, I broke up and it got me upset for about 15 minutes (it was actually the last time I cried; about 5 years ago)... and then I went on with my life (well, essentially I had a break up talk on the phone while I was on my way for groceries; later that night I decided to party, perhaps that's my way of dealing with it). Another one didn't bother me at all. I already saw it coming for weeks.

But I'm usually the one who already sees it coming. So I've got plenty of time to prepare for it. It's usually the "we need to talk" situation and by then I already know where it's going. It doesn't mean that it will be over anyway, but at least I can be very clear in what I want and what's not working... and depending on the other person, it might very well be over.

 

[Thea]

If your latest ex just dropped you without even giving you a reason, then obviously that person has some problems of his own to work out, so don't beat yourself up too much. I've not gone through a breakup yet (I'm currently in my first and so far only real relationship), but if it happens, I'll expect to at least discuss why things aren't going to work out instead of just saying, "I'm done with you. Bye!"

I know it's about him not me but it doesn't make it any easier to get over. Time heals all wounds or something along those lines.

 

[Arcturus]

Today my longest relationship I've had came to an end because I'm pretty sure my crush/boyfriend thought I was cheating even though I'm not.

I was wondering, just how do aspies react to this sort of thing? Today I got home from school and was really angry/upset/miserable and wanted the world to end. Just an hour or two later, however, I was happy(ish) and actually feeling a bit crazy. That's typical for me to act hyper and all, bit I seemed so depressed that I was... I don't even have a word for it. Lets just say i wanted the world to end and maybe even revenge...?

So just reply to this, what are your feelings on the aftermath of a breakup?

Always devastating to the bone and takes years to get over (if at all). Actually, even worse if I initiated it. The other party gets over it, I don't.

 

[The Penguin]

It use to effect me deeply a long time ago. But now I don't let it get to me anymore.

 

[abby normal]

when I'm in heaven it won't matter one whit, I won't care anymore.

 

[nowwhat]

If I am dumped: devastated and humiliated. Getting walking papers recontextualizes the entire relationship for me. I spend the next few weeks dredging my memories for anything that can be recast as more pitiful and negative than I originally thought it was, and there's never any shortage of raw material at times like that. If I'm the "dumper": guilty. Not overly so, but mostly feeling bad that I let things go as far and as long as I did. Cause you always know way before you do anything about it.

I tend to obsess over my loves (not in-the-bushes-with-chloroform-and-duct-tape obsessive, but obsessive nonetheless), so depression often follows loss. Listening to maudlin crappy breakup music, polar swings between thinking I'm over her and just barely stopping myself from calling her. You know, the usual. For me the finest moment after a breakup is when you finally realize you haven't thought of her for a couple of months. Then you see her and....NOTHING! Freedom. Love is a kind of madness. Wouldn't be so bad if we could direct it where we choose, but it's not so.