How can people tell?

[Jet Weiss]

I have noticed that when I meet people, they can immediately tell that I am not an NT and that there is something "weird" about me, and they treat me accordingly.
People will carry on normal conversations with my mum, but once I am part of the equation they get very uncomfortable and often rude. People stare at me and give dirty looks frequently. I am often a recipient of nasty comments.
I try very hard to come across as a regular person and not be awkward but people can always tell.
I am not sure if people can tell I'm on the spectrum or another possibility is that they can tell I am gay. Either way I am really offended by the way they treat me.
Has anyone else had this experience?

 

[umbrellabeach]

I'm constantly singled out even if I'm doing exactly the same thing as everyone else.

Even on this forum. People just hate me I guess.

 

[Streetwise]

think the rule is children get told to be quiet adults get a look of almost disgust nah its the not benign autism, you spoke and you're stupid thing
if its was down syndrome it would be sweet and benign
sadly i cant get out of my brain the info on social reactions to autism from films the media so shocked when they DONT like me

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Everyone can always tell that I'm weird. I often feel like I just "butt in" and am never really a part of any group. I just know people too think that I "butt in". I've had similar experiences in my futile attempts to fit in to NT society, and years ago I didn't even know about Asperger's - I just felt like I was really different from everyone. I would overhear a conversation and try to join in, and just get awkward responses. On social media - someone would post a video that I'd enjoy watching and I would put a stray comment on the video many times - and the person posting the video might get upset with me for commenting too much. That's actually true, I did post too much and comment too much on Facebook and I did end up deleting it for 2 years at one point, I think I just outgrew it after all that excessive usage. I reactivated it more than a year ago but I hardly ever use it now.

I used to also butt into Facebook conversations that didn't involve me or put a stray comment on a birthday wish that didn't involve me but I thought was clever, and the poster of the wish would again get upset with me for butting in. It made me feel awkward, but at the same time just a little bit happy that at least I'm not being ignored; it's a complex feeling, and I have a history of being ignored. At other times, I WAS in fact ignored but that used to just not work on me, I'd keep asking them why they're ignoring me over and over again.

People often give me weird looks in general, or otherwise give me "what?" or "huh?", and I even before I became what they call "annoying" (dear God I hate that word) I used to just be that "extra wheel" in school groups, like I'd sit with some people at lunch but I'd barely have anything to talk to them about and they wouldn't talk to me about anything.

I too felt shocked after finding out that people didn't like me. My college classmates singled me out quite a few times and when I tried to throw a graduation party for myself only two people showed up. I came to the conclusion that it was all my fault, and that I had no excuses for my "obnoxious" (hate that word too, I hate any words that make me sound like a jerk) behavior. I just know the behavior is due to Asperger's, and I didn't even know about it back then. I only realized what I've done AFTER the ship's already sailed. I sunk into a period of self-loathing and regrets and I still experience that on top of just truckloads of anxiety. Feels terrible.

 

[Soona45]

I have noticed that when I meet people, they can immediately tell that I am not an NT and that there is something "weird" about me, and they treat me accordingly.
People will carry on normal conversations with my mum, but once I am part of the equation they get very uncomfortable and often rude. People stare at me and give dirty looks frequently. I am often a recipient of nasty comments.
I try very hard to come across as a regular person and not be awkward but people can always tell.
I am not sure if people can tell I'm on the spectrum or another possibility is that they can tell I am gay. Either way I am really offended by the way they treat me.
Has anyone else had this experience?

Yes! Me too. I've been wondering this all my life. I don't know how they can tell?
I'm very quiet, that weirds people out. My eye contact is alot better, but people still try and force there gaze into my eyes and say 'no! look at me!'
I know to NEVER joke because no-one ever laughs. I also read that for some reason NTs like it if your the first to introduce yourself.?For me NTs seem to like the calm, quiet me over exited trying to fit in me. People don't like fidgeting (which I do)so I put my hands in my pockets.Other than that I pretend its my hearing ( I'm very slightly deaf).
If I had time ( got a baby at home) I would be people watching to see what body language is displayed, and reading on how to communicate with NTs.
I don't agree with us having to modify ourselves for the rest of society. But learning to fake it to make our lives easier is what I'm trying to do.
I'm really sorry you're being treated like this. Whether it's because your gay or autistic or both?? It's absolutely NOT acceptable In my opinion!!
From someone else who feels like a second class citizen at times.

 

[Bolletje]

I've noticed that I mostly think I'm being singled out, and, with that thought, choose to interpret comments in a nasty way even when they're not intended to be. I've learned that when it comes to this, I am my own worst enemy, because I assume the worst and end up isolating myself. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where I stand out because I'm afraid people will single me out. I realize it may not be the case with all of you, but still wanted to share.
@Jet Weiss it may very well be people responding to their perception of you as gay. As much as it sickens me (them ostracizing you, not you being gay) a lot of people still don't know how to respond to that. Even though noticing your sexual orientation doesn't merit a response any more than they'd have to if you were straight.
You stand out because you are different from the rest, that much is obvious. NT's can be incredibly socially incompetent too, and many of them don't really know how to act towards someone that deviates from the norm. Some of them are intentionally hurtful, most of them are just benign bumbling idiots. It doesn't make their words hurt less, I realize that. But I hope you realize that there's also people around that notice you standing out from the crowd and admire you for it, but just don't know the words to express that.

 

[Sherlock77]

Since I've explored the possibility of having Asperger's, done some online tests finally, I've told a few people, people I would call closer friends.

One friend in particular who I first met ten years ago via my street photography, who I've gotten to know quite well since then, told me he thought I had Asperger's even back then just never bothered to say anything. He worked in the past with homeless people.

Another friend about three years ago suggested to me in conversation that he thought I might be Asperger's. It took me this long to finally take a little more action on it!

I'm a fairly high functioning Aspie, for example I just came back from a concert/music jam with loud music, lots of spotlights and colour shifts, etc... and I was fine, photographing the show so highly focused on that aspect. From what I've heard lots of Aspies would have trouble going anywhere near a show like that. But I definitely have lots of other tendencies of Asperger's as was evident doing the tests.

 

[SusanLR]

I was always hit hard with bullying and insults as a child and always wondered why. If I was happy and playful I heard other kids say stay away from her, she is crazy.
Other things that really hurt were concerning my looks. Tall, glasses, braces, acne, intellectual. Boys didn't like that so name calling came into play. Girls made fun of my pick of clothes and laughed saying I didn't even know how to wear my make-up right. People would ask my Mom if I was terribly shy or just not right somehow, in social gatherings.
I just started ignoring it and pretty much shunned the world. Now I am older and I hear things like "Oh, you're just so cute and funny. Sure don't look your age!"
I still don't socialise or have friends and if I can hold in the anxiety I don't tell anyone except other Aspies that I am.
Remarks may get better as you get older. Did for me.

 

[Jet Weiss]

Thank you for the replies, everyone. I am glad to know that I am not alone but at the same time I am sad that this happens to others as well.

I feel as though NT's have some sort of "sixth sense" where they can tell if someone is on the spectrum. People reacted the same way to my dad that they do to me but they don't react that way to my mum (I wouldn't necessarily classify my mum as an NT either though). People think my mum is a bit weird but she isn't met with the same hostility as I am.

I also noticed that the way NT's treat Aspies and people with Autism varies in different countries. People in the USA in particular are more openly hostile it seems.

@umbrellabeach- same here.

@Streetwise- Do you think people have a more polite reaction to people with Down Syndrome than they do to people with Asperger's or HFA? Or do you think they're worse to people with Down's?

@Tyrantus1212- I ran into similar problems on social media, part of the reason I ended up deactivating everything as bullying was always the result.
My classmates singled me out as well, which makes me anxious because I go to college in the fall this year. I'm afraid I am going to have the same experiences and I won't make any friends (sounds like a topic for another thread sometime though).

@Soona45- I try not to joke either, people don't understand my sense of humour and always give me a "wtf" reaction. So actually people think I don't joke and that I don't have a sense of humour, when in reality I would love to make jokes with them but my jokes always fall flat.
I don't agree with us having to modify ourselves for the rest of society either.

@Bolletje- I hope it's not because they can tell I'm gay, that would be really sickening. It is a possibility though unfortunately.
I'm sorry you feel singled out as well.
Thank you for your kind words, I do hope there are people who realise I stand out from the crowd and admire me for it.

Sherlock77- Do you feel that people have had a positive reaction to you telling them you have Asperger's? When I told people that I did, that was sadly not the case for me.

SusanLR- I think that my appearance is part of the issue for me as well, I am short, feminine, have coloured hair and piercings, sometimes wear glasses, etc.
I'm sorry to hear you had that experience in school, kids can be so awful. I am glad things are better for you now though.

 

[xudo]

I think it doesn't help me personally that a lot of people who either don't know me, or don't know me very well think I come across as aloof. I have been told I can be too blunt too.

 

[ksheehan88]

I think this is why I got bullied so much - people could tell there was something "off" about me. NTs pick up on vunerabilities almost instinctively, and depending on what sort of person they are either protect or predate.

 

[Streetwise]

i think it depends on the person they'll either be loud about their disdain or very cautious or some its the you're very rude face

I have noticed that when I meet people, they can immediately tell that I am not an NT and that there is something "weird" about me, and they treat me accordingly.
People will carry on normal conversations with my mum, but once I am part of the equation they get very uncomfortable and often rude. People stare at me and give dirty looks frequently. I am often a recipient of nasty comments.
I try very hard to come across as a regular person and not be awkward but people can always tell.
I am not sure if people can tell I'm on the spectrum or another possibility is that they can tell I am gay. Either way I am really offended by the way they treat me.
Has anyone else had this experience?

 

[Streetwise]

Thank you for the replies, everyone. I am glad to know that I am not alone but at the same time I am sad that this happens to others as well.

I feel as though NT's have some sort of "sixth sense" where they can tell if someone is on the spectrum. People reacted the same way to my dad that they do to me but they don't react that way to my mum (I wouldn't necessarily classify my mum as an NT either though). People think my mum is a bit weird but she isn't met with the same hostility as I am.

I also noticed that the way NT's treat Aspies and people with Autism varies in different countries. People in the USA in particular are more openly hostile it seems.

@umbrellabeach- same here.

@Streetwise- Do you think people have a more polite reaction to people with Down Syndrome than they do to people with Asperger's or HFA? Or do you think they're worse to people with Down's?

@Tyrantus1212- I ran into similar problems on social media, part of the reason I ended up deactivating everything as bullying was always the result.
My classmates singled me out as well, which makes me anxious because I go to college in the fall this year. I'm afraid I am going to have the same experiences and I won't make any friends (sounds like a topic for another thread sometime though).

@Soona45- I try not to joke either, people don't understand my sense of humour and always give me a "wtf" reaction. So actually people think I don't joke and that I don't have a sense of humour, when in reality I would love to make jokes with them but my jokes always fall flat.
I don't agree with us having to modify ourselves for the rest of society either.

@Bolletje- I hope it's not because they can tell I'm gay, that would be really sickening. It is a possibility though unfortunately.
I'm sorry you feel singled out as well.
Thank you for your kind words, I do hope there are people who realise I stand out from the crowd and admire me for it.

Sherlock77- Do you feel that people have had a positive reaction to you telling them you have Asperger's? When I told people that I did, that was sadly not the case for me.

SusanLR- I think that my appearance is part of the issue for me as well, I am short, feminine, have coloured hair and piercings, sometimes wear glasses, etc.
I'm sorry to hear you had that experience in school, kids can be so awful. I am glad things are better for you now though.

i think downs syndrome has been educated into society where autism hasn't
downs syndrome was seen as curse and in the past they would be left to die

 

[Streetwise]

iknow IM forced to be less sensitive to be accepted
even a neurodiverse person i know still always has the wall up i cant win if i ask for help IM too an American term needy or IM antisocial if i DONT stand and gossip

I have noticed that when I meet people, they can immediately tell that I am not an NT and that there is something "weird" about me, and they treat me accordingly.
People will carry on normal conversations with my mum, but once I am part of the equation they get very uncomfortable and often rude. People stare at me and give dirty looks frequently. I am often a recipient of nasty comments.
I try very hard to come across as a regular person and not be awkward but people can always tell.
I am not sure if people can tell I'm on the spectrum or another possibility is that they can tell I am gay. Either way I am really offended by the way they treat me.
Has anyone else had this experience?

 

[Kirsty]

People often give me weird looks in general, or otherwise give me "what?" or "huh?"

Yeah, I get that sometimes. Someone I know quite well says this to me when I visit her workplace. I get nervous around her when she says "what?" (Not rudely) with a blank stare on her face. I put it down to speaking softly and she can't hear me. I hope it's not to do with not liking me anymore even though she says she's happy to be my friend. I'll believe she does want to be my friend.

I sunk into a period of self-loathing and regrets and I still experience that on top of just truckloads of anxiety. Feels terrible.

I feel this way often. I know why I bother going in to see her because I care about her a lot and she accepts me as I am, but sometimes going by this, I think she is somewhat lying to me. I've stopped visiting her as much at her work as it makes me feel crap. I've temporarily deleted her number as a self-restraint because I feel I come across to her as needy when I'm not. I've still got her number written down on an old receipt in a drawer.

 

[Kirsty]

Thing is, she married into a Christian family and I feel she thinks she's supposed to say things like, "If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to call us." and "We are happy to be your friend." and "Would you like to come round for dinner?" Etc. (That dinner get together was canceled because she said she was ill)

I've come across someone (online) who is spiritual before and she only connected with people on a business level because she didn't know any other way to connect with others. Turns out she was a narcissist has a form of bipolar, anxiety and a very selfish person in reality. That's why I can't trust what people say especially when I've never had friends or family to support me in life so I'm much more vulnerable to attachments now.

 

[Streetwise]

Yeah, I get that sometimes. Someone I know quite well says this to me when I visit her workplace. I get nervous around her when she says "what?" (Not rudely) with a blank stare on her face. I put it down to speaking softly and she can't hear me. I hope it's not to do with not liking me anymore even though she says she's happy to be my friend. I'll believe she does want to be my friend.

I feel this way often. I know why I bother going in to see her because I care about her a lot and she accepts me as I am, but sometimes going by this, I think she is somewhat lying to me. I've stopped visiting her as much at her work as it makes me feel crap. I've temporarily deleted her number as a self-restraint because I feel I come across to her as needy when I'm not. I've still got her number written down on an old receipt in a drawer.

got to say DONT connect the word Christian with that one person
if you have or have not read the new testament you would know g~d loves us because he loves us and doesn't ask for the perfect socialised human
it says we are changed from glory unto glory
glory being a physical almost and a very definite psychological and spiritual trans!!!!!!formation not oh all of a sudden IM Yeshua(Jesus) your friend is saved not the saviour Yeshua (Jesus)came for those who

 

[Streetwise]

need a healer !!!!! not the healed and she is neurodiverse bipolarity as IVE observed from close contact is terrible you're not bipolar light
the problem is people still judge people who have certain conditions
i cant imagine going from almost blissful to suicidally depressed over long periods of time

 

[Kirsty]

need a healer !!!!! not the healed and she is neurodiverse bipolarity as IVE observed from close contact is terrible you're not bipolar light
the problem is people still judge people who have certain conditions
i cant imagine going from almost blissful to suicidally depressed over long periods of time

This other person is completely out of my life. Gone. For good!

 

[Kirsty]

if you have or have not read the new testament you would know g~d loves us because he loves us and doesn't ask for the perfect socialised human

Yes, I knew this. Her words and actions is purely from the heart because Jehovah (God) would serve and live in the same way. I'm glad she's 'saved'. I know she doesn't connect with her own biological family who are, I assume, non-religious. She has no brothers or and sisters like me. Plus, we almost look alike.

I said not long ago, "I think about you often. You're like a sister to me" on Facebook. I could tell she liked this as she pressed 'Like' and also she sent a heart back on the 'comments'. Normally with everyone she'll just 'Like' a status, but not give a like or response to most comments. I think deep down she feels the same way. I'm just so paranoid at times and over analyze things. Lol