Help, my diagnosis ( obviously) didnt solve anything.

[EdenSimone]

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and
revenge...

I'm not sure this will be helpful to you. But a friend who has Aspergers and I did extensive study on this subject over a long period of time. We both found it highly interesting and helpful to us as well. As far as suicide goes, I do understand what you are saying as I have felt that way myself. But it is not the answer. It will only end the possibility of finding the answer. Stick around. There's much to learn, much to discover. Don't miss it.

 

[LovingMom]

I'm not sure this will be helpful to you. But a friend who has Aspergers and I did extensive study on this subject over a long period of time. We both found it highly interesting and helpful to us as well. As far as suicide goes, I do understand what you are saying as I have felt that way myself. But it is not the answer. It will only end the possibility of finding the answer. Stick around. There's much to learn, much to discover. Don't miss it.

Beautiful! Thanks for sharing this. I hope our friend here will explore as well.

 

[Cogitatio]

My life since I joined and found out I was aspergers has gone down hill. I am currently in a psychiatric hospital in france due to another suicide attempt. For those who have never got to this stage I wold say this. It is not a choice. I get really fed up with reading people who say its a choice and there are other options. When I have reached the end of my tether I am so ill I no longer rationalise, I cannot think, all I feel is overwhelming mental pain. The reason I have not succeeded 3 times is that the last little bit in my head that functions still says get help to stop me.

When I was told I had aspergers I realised it was a badge that summed up a collective set of behaviours and problems. some of which can be dealt with, some cant. some I was happy with, some I was not. The issue I face is not my having aspergers, its the rest of the world. even medical professionals do not understand it here in france well. They dismiss it. In hospital, I am forced to sit with larger numbers of strangers at meal times which causes serious anxiety when they should be helping me. But because they do not understand they continue to torture me daily. I am not allowed out of the unit to sit in my room alone (which is perfect) but no activities, no going for a walk. Total isolation.

so if you are considering suicide, don't. if you don't succeed, your life will be awful. find people who understand you and your condition and hang on to them. There are lots of people here who get it. I am sure everyone would be happy to chat. Just take care of yourself.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Thank you all for your support and very heart warming answers, obviously I didnt read everything yet or I didnt digest everthing yet. Will dor for sure, I have to go to work today thought.

 

[Adora]

It took years before I knew that I am on the spectrum,before that I had numerous misdiagnosis including Schizoaffective disorder,agoraphobia and even was sent to a counselling service for young people at risk of developing full blown schizophrenia,but once I found out that I have Aspergers it did answer a lot of questions including quirks of mine that I never even thought was considered a sign of autism like my tip toe walking and my pacing up and down but also I have had moments where it has made me think why it wasn’t discovered earlier because I could have gotten the right help much earlier,also I have complex ptsd from a not so great childhood and anxiety to go with it but to be honest the complex ptsd can be harder to live with than being on the spectrum,I hope that things get better for you and know that being on the spectrum has some good points and not just bad stuff.

 

[Progster]

No, my diagnosis didn't solve anything, either. There is no magic formula you can take that will make everything better, that will undo past pain or help you to funcition - it's just a piece of paper. It can, however, help you, your family and friends or work colleagues, to understand you and what makes you tick. It can help you to come to terms with past pain and difficulties, to let go of self-blame and find closure, to move on with your life, put the past behind and make a fresh start armed with new knowledge and perpective. But it's up to you to do this, a piece of paper won't do it for you.

 

[Maria6681]

It's been days that im moving in circles in my room doing nothing after my diagnosis was done.

It didnt help me much, it just says that many of my problems are related to something with a name.


But it didnt help me moving on, outside of the "WOW I HAVE AUTISM" moment ( the reveal that I had like 5 months ago now so the effect kinda worn off)

Generally speaking I have still no real clue on how to regulate myself in a healthier way
(If you have like a website or something like with 20 steps i dont know, I feel like asd isnt the only prb and when ever I search for something I end up dumping so many informations at the same time I just dont use them , I search for everything at the same time.)


And I have that growing feeling that ASD adhd and even depression might not just be the only prb.


I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge...

There always a part of me that think suicide as a rationnal outcome also. I don't know how its possible but sometime I think about it because I suddenly get very low but sometimes its just an idea that feels like normal and rationnal.

 

[Maria6681]

I know how you feel as I feel the same I am very happy that I now know why I am the way I am

But I am just Existing in life with no life Quality I have try so many things to change but always end up back to Square one it not easy to find help or the right thing you need to help you to move on with life. I would do anything to to belong in this life instead of looking out wishing I could be in life feeling a little bit happy and able to do what so many people do with out any problems
I Feel like I am a wast of space

 

[Iamnotarabot]

You art NOT a waste or space or anything like that.
The problem comes from the things that make you feel like you are a waste of anything.

You have the right to be there and live your life how you want to.

But yeah its hard. I guess we have to be positive as much as possible when we feel like it.

Id like to quote and reply to all the messages because all of them are very usefull and nice but there is so much xD.
Ill read all of them later in the day.

 

[Bella Pines]

Hi there, I'm a few decades ahead of you so will give you the 20 steps that I took to get here.

1. Find one thing to like about yourself. You say there are parts of you that you dislike. You are focusing on them and completely missing the good bits. Have you noticed how most people walk around in a bubble? How it never even occurs to them to find their calling? You are thinking about what you should do to move on in life, you are problem solving, you are contemplating your existence. That is a rare gift to be appreciated. So find one thing that you like about yourself and concentrate on that. Personally, I like my hair, I'm in my 40s and not a single grey hair. That's my one thing.

2. Stop thinking about what you "should do" and think about what you are doing. Getting up on the morning is challenging enough for us, so give yourself more credit. If you've brushed your hair and teeth, then win. Look around you for something pretty, like light streaming through a window. Stop thinking about what you should do and focus on what you are doing.

3. Just be. You list the things that you don't want to be. That can't possibly be true. You haven't yet figured out who you DO want to be. Therefore you cannot possibly yet understand who you do not want to be. So stop stressing that you don't what to be someone, just be something, anything, you might end up liking it.

4. Let your purpose find you. You may not discover your calling until late 30s/40s, be patient.

5. Ease up, both on yourself and on life. You tried an education, you tried a diagnosis. You are being impatient. Get a regular job and let your calling find you. You are trying so hard to find and answer, but you don't really know what the question is. So take a breath, live an average life and let your calling find you.

6. Drop out of social media. It seems to be a feature of the teen/twenty something generation that they must be something right away. That if they are not earning millions from their youtube channel, then they aren't fulfilling their potential. That's ridiculous. Getting dressed and brushing my teeth is a phenomenal achievement. Cut out social media and try to live for a bit. Get a job at wallmart.

7. Distract yourself from yourself. We overthink. All. The. Time. Play a computer game, watch a aspie series and stop wallowing.

8. Accept the dark, choose the light. We aren't sheep. We aren't swayed by social norms or even laws. We question everything. Therefore we can be anything, good or bad. We all have the capacity for darkness so recognize, accept that and choose light.

9. Create a light visualization. Focus on your darkest thought. Say, oh completely hypothetical example, you can't stand working with your co-worker sheep in an open plan office and fantasize about slicing them up with a katana to music. Fix the thought with visualizations. Every time it pops back into your head, imagine ripping it out of your brain and throwing it away. Eventually it recedes and stops springing back up.

10. Shrink your thoughts down to the day. You are trying to solve a life problem in a month. Be realistic. Today, solve a small problem like leaving the house. Tomorrow, apply for a job. In 10 years time, figure out your life purpose.

11. Breathe, literally. Deep slow deep breaths in and out. The vagus nerve (fight or flight) responds to slow deep breathing. It helps us not panic.

12. Take up yoga. Try a single class, pilates or yoga. It's not a girly thing, it will help centre you.

13. Each morning remind yourself that the only way is up. The good thing about being so down is that the benchmark is so low, it's easy to make minor improvements.

14. Create a landscape visualization. Close your eyes and allow a landscape to form. Mine is often a fire filled lava pit. Then fix it. I then imagine a cool waterfall and wash away the fire. I find that if I do this 3 times a day my anger dissipates.

15. Let your special interest find you. My special interests are neuroscience, photography and childrens books. But they found me. And I had to suffer 3 months in scbu and post natal depression for this to happen. Live a regular, boring life and your special interests will find you.

16. Take responsibility. The younger generation seem to suffer diminished responsibility. My school was bad, my parents didn't give me what I need, I am autistic. So fricking what. Everyone has an excuse, every single person. No doctor, parent, teacher or partner is going to solve your problems. You are the only one that can effect your mind, body and soul. Every moment in your life is a choice, every, single, moment. You have full control over your mind, your body and your life. Step up and accept ownership of your own life.

Okay so I am missing 4, but that will do. And by all means share each struggle here, we have a million tips, tricks and coping techniques that we have painstakingly discovered over the years. xx

 

[LearnedCoward]

Addressing the title of this thread first and foremost:

No, your diagnosis didn't solve anything.

Neither did mine, back in 1985. Back in those days, nobody knew anything about autism, so it was up to me and my family to be advocates. It's pretty much the same as today, only today people know a little about autism, and a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. You will still have to do the legwork yourself.

The world isn't magically accepting of autism, unfortunately. If you're going to a therapist, you need to make sure your therapist is familiar with autism spectrum disorders in addition to whatever comorbids you have. If not, they will drop you once they find out you're autistic, or they maybe won't even take you on as a patient. It's a pain finding the right therapist, even without autism, but the right therapist is out there. If you need services from the state (vocational training, occupational therapy, clubhouse services, etc.) you will have to jump through more hoops proving that you really need these services.

I know, it's a lot of effort, and it's effort you may not be willing or able to expend. That's fine, just as long as you know it really is a lot of effort and you're prepared for it.

Generally speaking I have still no real clue on how to regulate myself in a healthier way
(If you have like a website or something like with 20 steps i dont know, I feel like asd isnt the only prb and when ever I search for something I end up dumping so many informations at the same time I just dont use them , I search for everything at the same time.)

I'm right there with you.

I don't know how to regulate myself in a healthy way either. I have severe alexithymia (emotion blindness) and due to my autism I can't pick up on others' emotions very well. Sometimes I melt down in surprising and frightening ways. Basically the only thing I can do is regulate the factors that lead to a meltdown. Mentally prepare myself, then try to mitigate these factors proactively before the meltdown rather than during (when I can't do much of anything). Due to the alexithymia, I have to avoid meltdowns proactively because I have no way of knowing when they're coming on.

I would also recommend Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It has been recommended that I try it, and I have been practicing it in a support group setting, but this particular support group explained DBT from the middle, like I had already been familiar with it. I am a rank beginner at DBT, and if I were to start at the very beginning and work my way up, I'm sure it would help me.

I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge...

This sounds like depression and self-sabotage. I know both of these too well. These are common problems that a therapist should be able to fix, just not easily. It takes a lot of mental retraining to break out of this vicious cycle of negative thinking, or even just to give less credence to dark thoughts.

There always a part of me that think suicide as a rationnal outcome also. I don't know how its possible but sometime I think about it because I suddenly get very low but sometimes its just an idea that feels like normal and rationnal.

Yeah.

Depression is like that sometimes. It freaks a lot of people out. I won't talk to anyone about my depression unless they're depressed themselves, because otherwise they would never understand. I have suicidal thoughts constantly in the back of my mind. That doesn't mean that I'm actively suicidal, just that I have very dark intrusive thoughts. Fortunately, my depression is managed well enough that I'm not tempted to act on these thoughts.

So yeah, for me, suicide is always a possible outcome, even though I'm not suicidal. But please, get help before your depression gets out of control.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge..
.

Having a diagnosis isn't a cure for anything. The problems don't go away. I still live with a depression which I have gotten to the point of accepting as a condition of life. I think the diagnosis could, however, be a starting point in finding an understanding to the point of being able to balance some of the darker feelings. Knowing exactly what you want doesn't mean that you would be happy if you ever got it. You could use some perspective and redefine what productive is, acknowledge that dark feelings are part of who you are and learn to control them so they don't affect others.

Autism is a very isolating experience for most people. I feel isolated in the company of others, sometimes even more so than when I'm alone. The feeling of loneliness, at one time, was so overwhelming that it seemed difficult to believe anything else mattered. I've gotten past that. I still feel all the same things in certain moments but have learned to compartmentalize them so they are not all consuming.

Now, despite being depressed, I don't see the world as such a bad place. I believe that is a product of a better understanding of how my mind works. I diagnosis should not be confused with an understanding. It might be worthwhile to find out exactly what the diagnosis means to you.

 

[eulimk]

I would recommend studying Buddhism. What you think, you become. Having Aspergers doesn't have to define you. You have choices.

Depression is common, unfortunately. If Buddhist practices and teachings don't work for you, and I'm not saying for sure they will, but I would suggest seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist.

 

[Tom]

Of course it didn't. It probably only verified what you already knew. Its not like 'Aha! now we know what it is and here's this drug that will cure you.' These are the cards you were dealt. One can spend the rest of their life bemoaning they didn't get cards like so and so did... or one can make the most of what you have, in the time that is given you.

 

[ilovetochat87]

I wish I had known about my Asperger's a long time ago. I've been living my life without understanding why certain things make me crazy and confused, or that I would do well in certain hobbies or careers. When I am uncertain of what kind of move to make, I usually make no move at all. When I stall, I have to rethink everything in my life, all over again, to choose a path. Since there is no such thing as a "cure" for ASD, we simply have to manage it and live with it as best as possible.

Make a list of your strengths and interests, understanding why these things appeal to you. Try to put these things into your life. Life is full of trial and error. Too often people try to do everything successfully and they get angry when they fail. Give yourself permission to make a mistake. Experience is learning and learning is profitable. Please be patient with yourself and maintain your own standards. Be proud of yourself.

I agree please remember you are special. sometimes it feels like there's lots to be upset about and like life isn't fair because we were given a roadblock whereas my sister who is five years younger than me tips on her own is married has a horse has two dogs she loves it she's very independent etc. etc. and it makes me feel jealous at times but I have to be very happy with who I am and what I have because there are things I can do better than her there not many but I have to remember I have my strengths just as much as I have weaknesses. I think logically so I do smarter things than the average person without a disability BTW, people without disability are called Nurotypical meaning neurologically normal or neurologically typical . Anyway I a lot of times think smarter than me and therefore I have to remember. It's ok to be angry sometimes bc you can't do something most nurotypicals can do but remember what you CAN DO. I can't drive and makes getting around harder but I remember what I'm capable of. think of things like when you're bothered by slimy things try to focus on something else when cooking if it's bothering you where gloves try to process something else put headphones on when you cook think about other things it's called mind over matter. You can overcome most anything that method. You are so much stronger than you realize. You have anything you need please PM me personally. I'll tell you ANYTHING you need! I'm good at counseling how asd works and how to do things. I learned hard how to get where I'm.at and my disability staff said I've come further than most with asd. I'll help

 

[I love roses]

It's been days that im moving in circles in my room doing nothing after my diagnosis was done.

It didnt help me much, it just says that many of my problems are related to something with a name.


But it didnt help me moving on, outside of the "WOW I HAVE AUTISM" moment ( the reveal that I had like 5 months ago now so the effect kinda worn off)

Generally speaking I have still no real clue on how to regulate myself in a healthier way
(If you have like a website or something like with 20 steps i dont know, I feel like asd isnt the only prb and when ever I search for something I end up dumping so many informations at the same time I just dont use them , I search for everything at the same time.)


And I have that growing feeling that ASD adhd and even depression might not just be the only prb.


I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge...

There always a part of me that think suicide as a rationnal outcome also. I don't know how its possible but sometime I think about it because I suddenly get very low but sometimes its just an idea that feels like normal and rationnal.

Check out Aspergersfromtheinside youtube and there is aspergersfromtheinside blog. What I like about him is he was an engineer and now I think he is a psychologist. He gives tons of excellent “how to” videos that do not ramble and are precise and to the point. That will take away some of your anger and regulation issues when you have successes. However I haven’t learned self regulation either because some of it is sensory. I control mine a lot better by having a morning meditation everyday to set a positive tone for the day. Then I meet once a month with a spiritual director. I also have a second spiritual director online i bounce things off of. I use a religious one but on SpiritualDirectors there are all kinds, probably even non religious ones. It is great to de stress with someone you establish online connection with who you doesn’t not know your family and personal business nor you theirs. It keeps your issues from being known by your family and community. That way you don’t burn out your friends. Regulation comes with practice. But occasional melt downs can always happen. When they do, immediately remove yourself from the stimulus or situation. Tell people you will call and explain later if need be but just leave. Also, when I am excited about a new interest, i’m never depressed. Depression only happens if i’m feeling lost without an interest or I just had some incident or problem happen that I have to process out. Once i’m done processing i’m fine. Since I now know i have to process, that speeds up my recovery from the incident.

 

[vickygleitz]

I was in my fifties when diagnosed [right after youngest son was diagnosed] The diagnosis did not help much other than "so that's why." What did help was finding other Autistic people and joining in activities with them. [ some online, but NOT just online] I was interested in a by/for Autistic retreat in Pensylvania [AutTreat, no longer in existence] and one in GB[can't remember name] but the one in the states was too expensive and the one in GB was too far away. I knew that was what my son and I needed so I started AutHaven, here in Colorado. We found enough donors so that over 50% of attendees were on full scholarship. Many of the people who came had never spent much time with other Autistic people. What was heard over ands over for several years was "Why does this feeling of acceptance happen only 4 days a year?"
That is why we are in the baby stages of building AutHaven community. Unfortunately, we no longer have the annual retreat because instead we have people come with us for a period in the summer to plan the community. Most of us on the board consider this the biggest "thing" we have ever been a part of.
Maybe you just need to spend some time with other Autistic people. Maybe you can put together a little retreat. There are only 4 of us living here right now,[ most of the board members do not yet live here] and the non-profit does not even own the property.We are hoping to own some within 3 or 4 years. If you live in or near Colorado, or have transportation here, we would love for you to visit.You might just need to spend some time with other Autistic people in "Autistic Space."

 

[Highway Cowboy]

It's been days that im moving in circles in my room doing nothing after my diagnosis was done.

It didnt help me much, it just says that many of my problems are related to something with a name.


But it didnt help me moving on, outside of the "WOW I HAVE AUTISM" moment ( the reveal that I had like 5 months ago now so the effect kinda worn off)

Generally speaking I have still no real clue on how to regulate myself in a healthier way
(If you have like a website or something like with 20 steps i dont know, I feel like asd isnt the only prb and when ever I search for something I end up dumping so many informations at the same time I just dont use them , I search for everything at the same time.)


And I have that growing feeling that ASD adhd and even depression might not just be the only prb.


I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge...

There always a part of me that think suicide as a rationnal outcome also. I don't know how its possible but sometime I think about it because I suddenly get very low but sometimes its just an idea that feels like normal and rationnal.

Hello my friend. Firstly you should avoid the suicide route at any cost. I speak from experience and I know its not a good place to be in but it just makes matters worse.
From the diagnosis point of view I'm 46 and only diagnosed this year with Aspergers, although I have known for years that I have it, I thought that a formal diagnosis would be different and make sense of it all but I don't feel, act or think any differently than before.
I too was probably expecting a whole new world to open up for me once diagnosis was confirmed but I found myself in something of a haze thinking "well now what am I supposed to do?".
Just be yourself my friend and all you can be is the best person you can be. You're still the amazing person you always were, only now with the gift of aspies which I think puts me at an advantage.
Best wishes

 

[WeirdoGuy]

I understand what you're feeling. It's really hard to do something that you feel isn't "you" in order to navigate through society. I work a job where I wear a suit, so five days out of the week I'm dressing up and playing make believe in order to get a paycheck.

One thing that helped me with this was studying psychology. I learned about different studies on conformity, and this helped a lot! How? Because by learning about conformity, I learned that I was NOT conforming, even though putting on a suit made me feel that way. But instead, this is classified as acceptance. And because of the way things are set up, you will always have to make concessions. For example, I like to own physical CDs for my music and physical books to read. But this is much more costly than a cheap (or free) digital download of an album or book. So if I worked a job where I wouldn't dress uncomfortably, I would also make a lot less. Then I would have no choice but to download music and e-books, and this would make me very uncomfortable.

There is always a trade off. Even when it comes to your suicide thought, it would be a trade off. You would be giving up the opportunity to do everything you wanted to do, whether that's travel, write a book, create music, et cetera in order to not feel uncomfortable. When you think about it logically, it is a trade off that doesn't make sense. While depression makes it feel like "this is how life will be forever", you know that logically that cannot possibly be true. Sure, other problems will come up in life, but things constantly change.

Accept that there is always a trade off, and then you can learn to make concessions in order to navigate your way through life.

As far as the diagnosis not helping, this is both true and false. The diagnosis only gives an understanding. But with determination, most aspects of being on the spectrum can be improved. Whether you need to improve on socializing, looking someone in the eyes, learning to control the amount of times you blurt out something inappropriate, and so on. These things can all be improved, along with a bunch of other things. Don't give up. Don't end it all for a temporary situation. And don't think that navigating through life is impossible for someone like you.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Thanks for all your replies, I cant realy answer precisely atm because I work this week so I dont have a lots of time and I am very tired.

6. Drop out of social media. It seems to be a feature of the teen/twenty something generation that they must be something right away. That if they are not earning millions from their youtube channel, then they aren't fulfilling their potential. That's ridiculous. Getting dressed and brushing my teeth is a phenomenal achievement. Cut out social media and try to live for a bit. Get a job at wallmart.

I agree with you but you know, about social media, its actually one of the big things saying that I am not social.
I created an account because my friends told me to when I was a teenager but I never update it I still have the same profile picture I first had ( A shadow of myself hehe thats also saying something) And I never realy had any deep investement in that, my number of friends is realy low and actually didnt increase a lot in 10 years.

But I have the problem with video game yeah, and the social aspect that is looking like social media , I played league of legends like an addict for years just to get a good "grade", it was one of the most toxic things I did, for years it bring me tantrums and shutdowns , now I know what it is but before I never knew.

And about the dark and light stuff...I don't realy know how to deal with it, I tried to pushed it as much as I could especially because some people told me I was a psycho during hightschool and also I had very disturbing nightmares, well one in particular.

But now I think that I have to listen to it and make it part of me , I mean, The more I cast I aside the stronger it feels, you say think about the light or positive stuff but when I have a problem with it the intrusive thought it so strong you cant do that.

Sometimes my bad thoughts yell in my head ( not hallucination ) , I just have to yell it back how irrelevant those ideas are , but also accept why I feel like that , I have to accept all of that and understand how I feel like that in order to integrate all of this in me.

But I have to say that, When I was younger, rejecting all my bad ideas and thoughts like it was the dark side of the force , It helped me , I dont think I could do something else when I was younger in order to not be violent with others.