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Help for a newbie

B

Baygirl

New Member
Hi all
A complete newbie here both to this site and to the world of aspies . My 10 almost 11 year old son has recently been diagnosed with ,depending on who we are talking to , aspergers/ high functioning autism , are theses both the same or is there a difference ?
As I have no real experience of any of this I am really struggling with how best to help my son . My son is highly intelligent ( he was tested at aged 9 and we were told then he had the intelligence age of 14.6 years ) but has very limited social skills he finds his peers to be immature and boring but is desperate to be part of the 'in' crowd and therefore is very easily led and then when he does the things people tell him to do they turn on him and exclude him for all their games . He has been horrendously bullied for years physically , mentally and on at least 2 occasions bordering on sexual. Thankfully after a lot heartache on his and our parts the child who was the main perpetrator has now been removed from the school but this has brought its own problems with others now blaming my son for the removal of their friend . My heart breaks watching by son go through all this and I am at a total loss as what to do to help him I am desperate and any advice or ideas on how to help him through this would be gratefully received.
Thanks baygirl
 
Asperger's and High Functioning Autism is essentially the same thing. People who read the diagnostic criteria for Asperger's will know that to get that diagnosis over High Function Autism you need to not have a speech delay and have IQ that equals to the average or higher. However this varies from doctor to doctor and there's a lot of grey area in this. For example I had a speech delay, I couldn't speak until I was 4 but my doctor thinks that because my autism is so mild and that I have no problem physically speaking that I have actually moved up the spectrum. High Functioning Autism is also not a official diagnosis, you have Asperger's Syndrome and then you have Autism.

I have no great knowledge in how to stop bullying, others would be better at telling you how to deal with it, except just don't stop to in telling the victim to talk about it. I was bullied verbally and physically and for the verbal bullying I just ignored them and didn't give them a response they were craving for, but this might not be useful to everyone. I can however offer practical advice in how to fit in, this was my technique. In secondary school I learnt to mimic other people. I would study them, learn other people's personalities and copy them. It's not a cynical view to say that everyone likes it if they were talking to a copy of themselves and once I learnt that I was able to turn perceptions of me into a positive light. Children are really not that clever to learn when someone is coping them. You can't copy them completely, you have to get a bit creative and not agree to everything they say but enough to get by and fit in. Your son may find this knowledge helpful to him. Mimicking is actually an autistic trait, found more likely in girls but its useful to some boys too and it works! The key is subtly. He just needs to bare in mind that coping other people doesn't make his own personality weak.
 
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Thank you very much for that it was really helpful . My son did have a speech delay he also didn't speak until he was 4 although his understanding and comprehension of the spoken language was ,and still is, off the chart for his age range so that must be why some of the professionals say high functioning and others say aspergers it's good to know why so thank you.
It was also reassuring to read how you dealt with the bullying and fitting in as this is exactly what I've been telling my son to do such as don't let the bully's see a reaction and they will get bored etc but he doesn't quite get that as he wears his heart on his sleeve he also doesn't quite get yet the fact that sometimes he does have to act differently to fit in just as others change how they act round him but it's good to know that I may be on the right track in what I have been doing in order to make life a little easier for .
Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to me it is very much appreciated
 
Hi Baygirl, welcome to Central; There are loads of books available about people's experiences with ASD / Asperger's Syndrome & Tony Attwood's Complete Guide is one of the best I've encountered on my journey to understanding myself & my inherent conditions. 20 years since my diagnosis, turns out there are 4 of us currently affected & diagnosed...the journey of learning continues...I'm trying Zen-ness myself :) It occurs to me that special interest groups might be a more conducive environment for socialization than school where possible?? All the very best :)
 
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