Guy talking about me, cancelling bible study for a basketball game

[jashley]

I am so upset and hurt right now because this guy I thought was my friend was talking crap about me to a mutual friend and apparently is mad at me and won't talk to me about it. I hate it when people talk about me to mutual friends when they have an issue with or are mad at me but won't talk to me about it and instead avoid me. It's clear that there is nothing I can do if you won't talk to me but instead talk to others about me.

My mutual friend had brought up that he and that guy got together because that guy wanted to talk to him about something and when I asked what it was he said he asked him not to talk about it to anyone else and that it was a sensitive subject. I asked is it about me and he said kind of, and I said is he mad about me and he said I dont know how to answer that. which I took to mean he was mad at me. Why? Why wouldnt he just talk to me about what his issue was with me instead of this other mutual friend. And not tell me?

Also, why would you cancel bible study less than 2 hours before it was supposed to start because of the NBA finals?? Do people not know when the NBA finals are until last minute or..? I'm sorry but this isn't right what they are doing, if they are cancelling bible study because of an issue they have with me and keep making excuses to cancel hoping I eventually will stop going. It's dishonest, passive aggressive and unbiblical. Do you think this is the real reason they keep cancelling bible study? Or are their reasons legitimate?

 

[Keigan]

Deep breath, cool down.

No need to catastrophise the situation with assumptions.

Take a moment to see if you can identify what possibly triggered the conversation.

 

[jashley]

I cant because the guy I was talking to said he couldnt tell me

 

[Judge]

Also, why would you cancel bible study less than 2 hours before it was supposed to start because of the NBA finals?? Do people not know when the NBA finals are until last minute or..? I'm sorry but this isn't right what they are doing, if they are cancelling bible study because of an issue they have with me and keep making excuses to cancel hoping I eventually will stop going. It's dishonest, passive aggressive and unbiblical. Do you think this is the real reason they keep cancelling bible study? Or are their reasons legitimate?

I wouldn't quite be so ready to "put two and two together". The NBA finals are concluded. So now if they find new ways to cancel meetings or overtly avoid you it should become evident. Otherwise it may have just been a "one-time" deal. Be patient and see what happens.

An adult friend talking behind your back...admittedly that's more problematic IMO. If it were me I'd be patient to some degree, hoping that eventually he'll explain himself. However if he has no intention of doing so, to me that's a sign that the friendship has been terminated. When you need to keep your head up high and become "already gone" as Glenn Frey sang.

 

[Danny 74]

Its just human nature...! Everyone talks about everyone, even our queen talks about people, its just how it is....!

 

[tree]

@jashley
You don't like it when people talk about you instead of
discussing it with you.

So you make a point of going online to talk about that.

This seems similar to what you dislike.

It's possible none of you really know how to
communicate clearly with each other. This indirect
method both avoids and creates difficulties.

 

[ms grey]

Go to the next bible study and church as if nothing happened. I have found that most peoples' feelings are really like the wind - sometimes furious and very destructive and then gone. Sometimes they just blow. Keep at what makes you feel good about yourself.

If you have to - change to a different group.

My experience in people saying strange things was at work and sometimes social. The work stuff was always strange and important but could be handled legally if necessary. Usually I solved this by talking to the right person in authority or by "pulling rank".

Most social gossip issues, I blew off. With the most severe social issue, I had to just walk away as I knew the person was changing meds. I had been through it two other times with her and I finally just had enough and cut her loose. The last time, she called all the people in a small town (went through the phone book, I was told), some mutual friends, and told nasty stories. Some told me about the stories. I confronted her and she told me that I did do those things. Huh??? I was the backup to pick up her kids at school if she was sick so that little responsibility went bye-bye. She had pulled the letter from the school and told them what a horrid person I was as she transitioned meds. I quit the relationship. I eventually moved from the area due to a job related move. My job at the time was not located in the small town. If my job was there, it could have impacted it.

I am not very social. Work was always enough human contact and now only occasionally do religion with others. As I put it - I am retired. I do my own thing.

Most people take the little dramas created by some with a grain of salt. Most people do not want to become involved in others' dramas as they need to take care of the things in their own life. Upon hearing gossip, I always asked myself "how does this impact me"? It doesn't. I think most people do this as they are too busy with their own lives. So go to the next bible study.

 

[jashley]

Except they also cancelled last week for a different reason. Do it wasn't just this week because of the NBA finals

 

[Ambi]

Except they also cancelled last week for a different reason. Do it wasn't just this week because of the NBA finals

As an aspie, I am socially blind to a large degree. It is very frustrating wondering what other people's motives are, or whether I upset them, or how. If you want, you can try asking the person yourself. Or, you act like nothing happened, and try extra hard to learn how to get along with NTs, just keep working on that aspect, improving that aspect - if that is a goal you have. Otherwise, you just try to make sure you are always respectful within your own understanding, and figure that those who still have an issue with you are the natural fallout - they aren't meant to be your friend. It does sound like the other friend doesn't know how to communicate his issues with you directly.

About the Bible study - I think they may have cancelled due to finding out not enough people were interested in the Bible study over the game, maybe there would be poor attendance, or more people decided they would rather watch the game and do the Bible study later - they could well have figured that out last minute. I think NTs can be more spontaneous like that and have it be a non-issue, whereas I need things planned out ahead of time and I dislike changes to plans, it really stresses me out - especially last minute things. I used to go to a church pretty far away - and they would constantly cancel things last minute, while I was driving, so that I wouldn't know till I showed up and the lot was empty. I stopped attending that church and found something closer (and a place that doesn't cancel like so much), because I realized that was a very important factor for me. If you like predictability, I think you may need to find a different Bible study group, because some people are just more prone to making last minute changes like that - they may have no problem with that, it may be a non-issue for them. Just know your own needs and find the right study group for that.