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greetings

Shane

Active Member
I'm new to the site and I hope to find some helpful information and maybe talk to some interesting people. As of right now I self diagnosed with aspies. I hope to have a real diagnosis at the end of the month.
 
Welcome to the world of AspiesCentral :)

We have a both friendly and helpful atmosphere here
 
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Welcome :)

I hope you feel right at home here. Our members are generally quite helpful and friendly, so feel free to contribute to our discussions. The forums are a great place to learn more about the spectrum.

If you're looking for some reading material, we have a recommended resources section, which members can add to. I suggest starting with Dr. Tony Attwood's works:
Resources | AspiesCentral.com

If it interests you, I would also like to recommend taking a look at this book:
Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com
 
Thank u very much and I hope so too. Thanks for those suggestions. I will definitely look at those when I have a chance.
 
Hi Shane, welcome to our friendly community. You will find lots of useful information here, many friendly people to support you and lots of interesting topics to read and discuss :)
 
I'm a 32 year old female self diagnosed aspie and I'm in a bad state of mind right now. I'm waiting for my mental health appointment but it's not until the 29th. I feel like my relationship is just slowly slipping away even though we are supposed to be getting married this October. It feels like we are drifting far apart from each other. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past. Oh I'm a lesbian by the way. I feel like everything is my fault. I'm not good at making friends. Most of the time I downright hate people. I've been hurt so much in my life. I'm depressed. I have anxiety. I have a lot of trouble communicating especially my feelings especially with her. My handwriting is horrible. People say I write like a serial killer. Ha. I've tried talking to her numerous times but she never understands me. For a long time we were fighting constantly. I feel unloved and ignored. But I guess I put too much pressure on her so she says and nothing is ever good enough for me. I know she doesn't wanna deal with me and doesn't want drama and I cause it apparently. A lot of things have stopped. The sex was the first thing to stop. We were also trying to have a baby for months and she was on hormones so I know that part killed her drive. Then she stopped showing me affection. All of this is hard for me cuz I'm very caring and loving and hopeless romantic and I just want to feel loved. Now she stopped telling me she loves me so I stopped saying it. All I wanna do is cry and it hurts. I don't wanna feel like this anymore. I've cried too much in front of her and she doesn't handle that well and thinks it's vulnerable. I've freaked out over stupid stuff and I get jealous. She's very social and I'm not. She's making new friends and goes out and does stuff and I'm home alone and it makes me feel like ****. She's always on her phone and we work different shifts so we barely get to see each other and when I come home a, lot if times she doesn't say anything to me and goes and makes a phone call and doesn't come in until hours, later and I've tried to stay awake but I get tired and I go to sleep. When I've tried to talk to her in the past she just tells me I'm ridiculous and I'm trying to put her in a box and she won't have that. I just want to be included and be a part of this. We, are supposed to be building a life together. Most of the time I hate myself. I don't want to be me. I would rather be anyone but and most of the time I think she likes her friends better. She says I don't know how to just be. I had to have Two arguments about being depressed with her because I couldn't express myself and explain why she said I'm not depressed and I make up problems in my head and everything is fine with us. When I found out she was on the phone with a friend for hours that was suicidal and depressed I got pissed off cuz she flat out told me she doesn't believe in it when I went to her and said I needed help and that I didn't feel right for months. I was so mad. I'm just ranting now cuz I just don't know what to do anymore and I feel so lost. I want things to be better and I don't want to feel like this. I'm so emotional all the time. I hate it. When we first started seeing each other everything was so great. We were so happy. I want to feel that way again. Idk if it's possible. Sometimes her actions make me feel like I don't matter to her. Everyone is stressed out. We have the wedding and trying to pay for it. Regular bills. Her mom is sick and we help take care of her. We live in her parents house and her dad is still out of town for work in another state and won't be returning for good for another year. She has often told me she doesn't get me and said can't u see everything that's here. She says I share everything with u my house and my boys which are the dogs and we have two homes. She is now doing a lot of traveling for her job and I guess doing very well with the company so now she's gonna be gone every other weekend which might be a good thing sort of because then I guess I can try to fix myself but gonna be hard with wedding coming up. I've been in and out of mental health for years and on and off meds as, well. Suffered with depression and anxiety for a long time and one medication worked for a while but then stopped. But I've never been officially diagnosed with AS but finding out about and reading the traits it sounds a lot like me. I just feel very very down and my heart hurts.
 
Sorry to hear all the events happen in your life. I think you need to talk to her and see if your relationship could work before you two plan to get married in October. Also consider if these events keep happening, are you able to keep handling it after when you two married? Also, maybe it's best if the wedding is postponed to a later date to see if it's really worth it to get married with her.
 
Thanks but I've tried talking to her numerous times and I'm unsuccessful. Most of the time I have a hard time explaining myself and she doesn't get me. I need to try and do things for me first and see a doctor before I talk to her again. Maybe I could get help communicating and get info to try and give her so maybe she would understand me and how I feel. The wedding can't be postponed and it means the world to her mother. Neither one of us want to hurt her. Her mom has done a lot for me when I was thrown out of my own house. I don't even speak to a few of my family members anymore.
 
I talk to her best friend a lot and her advice to me right now is to do things for me see a doctor and work on things I like about just me by myself and not in the couple relationship.
 
I've been in many relationships in the past and they never worked out. This one was my longest one. She should have left me many times. I gave her a bunch of reasons to but she stayed. In the past I always felt like I was never good enough for anyone or cursed even to always be alone and I would find myself doing stupid things in the relationships to drive everyone away and I wouldn't be doing those things on purpose.
 
I know there many of us want a partner in our lives including me. Most of my relationships were only short term. The longest relationship I ever had was for 8 years. The relationship ended because we were not happy together anymore. Though the relationship could have happened longer, it was best for me and her to separate.

Despite the wedding means the world to her mother, I would not be concerned about this as you are not marrying her mother. Please think deep down in your heart. If you feel you're not ready to be married in October it recommend you let your her know immediately. The first step is understanding. Why does she like having a relationship with you? Then she needs to understand how you're hurting.
 
I'm sorry to hear that. 8 years is a long time. I know I'm not marrying her mother but they did a lot for me in my time of need. I would love for her to understand how I'm hurting.
 

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